Cat elbows Zara in the ribs, shutting her up.
Finn narrows his eyes. “You want to drop out now and make this easier on my girl? Go right ahead, but I’m not sure why you wouldn’t want Essos.”
“Um, well…” Perfectly poised Zara stammers. This whole situation seems to have affected her deeply. “If you’re so confident that he would want Daphne over us all, why would I want to be someone’s second choice?”
“Second choice?”
This line of questioning is shut down when Sybil slips through the door to put us out of our misery. Their usually long braid is gathered into a bun at the nape of their neck, and they’re still dressed in their customary black, only this time, the dress is more elegant with a fuller skirt and long lace sleeves.
“Ladies, I just want to say how lovely you all look tonight.” Sybil nods in each of our directions. “I will have each of you introduced, and you will be led in with your escort, who should be waiting for you at the foot of the stairs.” Their grey eyes shoot to Finn, who takes the hint and slips away, giving me a wink as he closes the door. Before he goes, I notice the firm set to his mouth.
“Zara, Catalina, and then Daphne, that is your order. You will each hear your name, and then you will descend the stairs to your escort. He will lead you to Essos, and then you two will have a dance. You will wait for each girl to follow until Daphne is there, at which point you will join the dance floor with your escorts. After that dance, you will be expected to mingle with the rest of the party guests. During the party, topics of conversation will include the subjects which you have been learning about over the last few weeks. As much as this is Essos’s decision, the queen will need to interact closely with the citizens of Solarem. This is your chance to impress them and set the stage for your relationship.
“Again, that order is Zara, Catalina and then Daphne. Is this understood?” They don’t wait for our response, just clap their hands twice.
I retained absolutely nothing from that exchange and feel more lost than before.
“Zara, if you will follow me—you will wait at the top of the stairs, out of sight until you hear your name.” I grab one of Zara’s hands and Cat grabs the other, and we squeeze, a silent understanding of strength shared between us. Zara pulls her hand away and follows Sybil, leaving Cat and me behind.
“I’m scared,” I whisper my confession to her, and she looks at me. “I’m scared of what happens to you when I pick Galen.”
She pushes my hair over my shoulder. “I don’tthinkthat Essos will do anything to me. Before today, I would have said he won’t with absolute confidence, but after the last few hours, I’m less sure.”
I understand what she’s saying. I’m sorry to have shared this burden with her.“What if this is goodbye?” I ask, tears stinging the backs of my eyes.
She bites down on her lower lip. “You know it’s never goodbye with us. It’s always ‘catch you later.’” Her voice is thick with emotion. “Stop it now. I can’t ruin my eye makeup.” She fans her eyes with her hand, and I choke out a laugh.
I hear Zara’s name called, and the swell of music drowns out the sound of her shoes on the stairs. We have one more song together alone. We don’t fill it with idle chatter, or thoughts of what we will miss. We just enjoy it, our time together, hands held and heads on shoulders. The song comes to an end, and we both rise. I don’t let go of her hand until she pulls it out and heads to the door.
“You’re my best friend. Nothing can change that.” She slips out the door and away.
I’m left alone with my thoughts, and all the nasty ones rise to the forefront. Galen’s behavior last night, and Essos murdering me are the first to sink their teeth into me. I sit at the foot of my bed, trying to wrap my head around it all.
I will never forget the look on his face, the pure glee as the dagger plunged between my ribs and toward my heart. I know he was careful not to puncture it, because he wanted his brother to see me take my last breaths and know that he had won. It would have been too fast otherwise. He was sadistic, wanting to extract the maximum amount of suffering from us both.
I let the anger build in my chest as I think of the injustice done to me. As I think of the life that was stolen from me, how happy I could have been with Galen, and I let it wrap itself around me like a warm coat on a bitter cold night.
I let this anger hold me as Cat’s song comes to an end, and I rise.
CHAPTER33
Istand poised at the top of the stairs, waiting for my name to be called. When Sybil does call it, a hush falls over the crowd, and I wonder if they all know my real identity. Do they know how Galen loved me? Do they know how my life was robbed? Do they support Essos and his rule? Galen recognized me right away—do I look the same?
I take the stairs slowly, my face searching the crowd for Cat, then Galen. Each of them gives me a reassuring nod. I force a fake smile to my lips as my eyes find Essos. He beams at me, studying all of me. He thinks he’s won. There is almost hope on his face, and I want to tell myself that I should be happy about this. I should be glad to rip the rug out from under him for the years of my life he stole, but it only makes me want to fall to my knees and weep.
As instructed, Finn is waiting at the foot of the stairs. His smile is an equally wide but genuine one as he offers me his arm. I hit the bottom of the stairs and slide my arm into his.
The crowd parts for us, and we make our way toward Essos, who is now alone in the center of the dance floor. Finn offers him my hand, and he takes it with a bow in my direction. I give the required curtsey. I am amazed at myself for remembering this much.
Essos draws me toward him, holding my hand in his, the other hand at my waist. My body trembles as I settle into his arms, and then, unbelievably, I relax. Heat radiates from his hand, and he offers me a timid smile. We wait for the music to start, and then the dancing begins. I don’t meet his eye as we dance, keeping my head turned away from him, focusing on my steps. I’ve gotten better, so much better, but I know that if I’m ever going to mess up, it’s now. It’s as though the magnetic bond between us has been broken by that memory.
“You look amazing tonight,” he whispers in my ear. His breath on my skin makes me shudder. He sends me out on a spin, and I catch sight of the concern on his face.
“I just don’t feel up to this tonight, Essos,” I say, glancing around the room. Zara is trying very poorly to hide her concern, one of her nails in her mouth as she gnaws on it. Cat is watching closely too, with Finn at her elbow. I can see them whispering to each other as we waltz around the room.
“This will all be over tonight. I know you’re nervous, but you have no reason to be,” he reassures me, and I try to take it as comforting, but I can’t find it in me. I should want to ruin him. I should want to wipe the floor with his happiness, but the thought of it sets my nerves on fire. If I had a dollar for every time I considered that getting close to him might be a mistake, I’d be wealthy enough to buy a country and then some. At this moment, his touch feels right, but my brain is telling me that this is wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong not because he’s not Galen, but wrong because he murdered me. I watched it. I saw it through my own eyes.
Something nags at me, and my face must be a storm. Essos ducks his face closer to me, so he can whisper in my ear. “Daphne, I know this isn’t easy. I know that all I have are pretty words to reassure you…but trust me. There will be light again in this dark world.” Essos’s hand rises to my shoulder, his fingers very gently rubbing my bare skin. He searches my face, trying to see if anything registered with me, but I’m so focused on the music and my steps that his words don’t click. I hear the final notes of the song, and I step away from him as soon as it’s over, giving him a curtsey before seeking out Finn for the next dance.