I get into my room and close the door, then lean against it. Waffles winds himself around my legs, rubbing his face on my calves and marking me as his while Dave is absent. I hold my hands in front of me and watch how they tremble.
I scoop up my cat and squeeze him to my chest. Waffles lets out an angry yelp and claws his way out of my grip. I try to think about how Galen must feel, how fear of losing me all over again must be making him act like that. Is he right? If I don’t choose him, will I regret my response once I get my memories back?
If I don’t trust Galen…will I find myself bound to my murderer?
CHAPTER31
The morning of the ball, I feel like death warmed over. The entire night, I couldn’t sleep, my grand plans of having one last night with Zara and Cat evaporating in my hazy worry about today. After the confrontation with Galen, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, not even Cat. When she came to my room, knocking to see if I was up, I stayed silent, holding my breath, until she went to her own room.
I took a long, hot bath before bed, with Dave sitting beside me on the floor. Waffles and Dave seem to have come to some sort of an accord. At night, they cuddle close on either side of me, both staking a claim. My legs act as a divider, giving them each a separate half of the bed.Since they started sleeping like this, it’s kept their nighttime battles to a minimum. They’re not exactly getting along or tolerating each other, but at least they let me have my sleep.
As the hot water burned my skin, I wondered what I should do next. Galen’s behavior was concerning, and I wondered if the pressure was getting to him. Did he not believe that I would pick him? It was true we hadn’t seen much of each other in the past few weeks, but he knew the reason I washerewas because of Essos. I would have thought him above jealousy, after what he’d helped me see. Something as everlasting as love between gods should transcend death.
But on the flip side,shouldhe believe it? I still felt that I had a deeper connection with Essos than what was on the surface. Perhaps being murdered led to a special bond with your murderer. Was that why I felt so magnetically drawn to him? Maybe it wasn’t sexual energy but something else.
What would come next with Essos at the ball if I picked his brother? Would we just leave? No goodbye to Zara and Cat? Would Essos rain his fury down upon us? Would my parents be punished for my decision? Every time I thought I was out ofquestions and would start to drift off, a flash of silver behind my eyelids jolted me awake.
When I go down for breakfast and Zara gasps, I know it isn’t a good look.
“What happened to you? Are you sick?” she asks, reaching over to take my hand.
“Wow, I must look pretty bad if you’re asking me that.”
Finn, who I haven’t seen in weeks, waltzes in. I’m sure Essos has work for him to do this morning in preparation for tonight. “Daphne, I’m surprised by the makeup this morning, but the smokey eye looks good on you.” I shoot him a glare, only to see that Finn is serious.
“I’m not wearing makeup, Finn. Glad to know I look as tired as I feel. Where have you been anyway?” I’m grouchy, but I can’t be mad. I’m exhausted; I can’t even deny it. Cat puts her hand over my other one.
Finn looks like he wants to melt into the wallpaper. “I do have an actual job. Much as I would have loved to continue to drink wine with you and talk about how dreamy Essos is, I’ve been busy.” He edges closer to me, effectively caging me in from behind by placing a hand on the table on either side of me. I turn my head, knowing he has more to say. When it comes to Finn, there is always something more.
“Yes?” I ask.
“Tonight is going to be epic. Please, just—all you have to do is follow along, and everything—everything—will be made clear.”
He plants a kiss on my cheek before he skips out.
“You disappeared halfway through last night, and you didn’t answer when I knocked,” Cat says sadly. Right then, I wish more than anything that I had opened the door to her. The confrontation with Galen was the only thing on my mind—I was too overwhelmed for company. I probably needed Cat last night more than anything to help me sort through what I’m feeling.
“I just wanted to get some sleep, which I wasn’t very successful at,” I say weakly.
“Clearly,” Zara adds helpfully.
I have no patience this morning for her snark. “What is your problem?” I snap.
“What ismyproblem?” she echoes. “You and Cat are so close, you won’t even entertain the idea of letting someone else in. Well, my best friend left to go back to her life, and I’ve been all alone, so screw you guys.” She starts crying softly. I scrub my hand over my face, realizing I have only a few hours to start to make amends for how unfair I’ve been to her. Cat and I share a guilty look. We tried to include her, but after three years as roommates, we don’t always need words to communicate. Maybe we were leaving her out without even meaning to.
“I’m sorry.” My words are insignificant, given where we are at in this process, but I can’t go back and change things. I can and do move closer to her, resting a hand on her forearm. Cat sits on her other side and starts rubbing Zara’s back.
“I’m sorry, too,” Cat says, and takes Zara’s hand with her free one.
“I know we’re all supposed to be romantic rivals, but I was hoping to have more of a sisterhood with you both.”
My guilt thickens as I reach forward and envelop her in a hug, prompting Cat to do the same.
“Is it so bad that I just want to be included?” she asks between sniffs.
“No!” Cat and I say in unison. I contemplate trusting her with the whole Galen fiasco and decide that, at this point, it can’t do any more harm. I need a sounding board.
I suggest that we move our conversation to my room, away from prying ears, so we can speak freely. Cat, sensing that I have more information to share, agrees, and we get up to leave without breakfast, confusing Zara, who follows along anyway.