“You’realsoletting Zara shove her tits in my brother’s face. I spent this entire night trying to get you and Essos on the same damned page. If you don’t get your head in the game, one word about how Catalina isn’t here for Essos, and she’s gone.” Fury burns behind Helene’s eyes.“What did you and Galen talk about?”
Her threat stokes my own rage. “You better think twice about threatening me or Cat. You may be a goddess, but I will salt and burn this realm for her,” I snap and instantly regret it. I could have done less damage if I slapped her. She gives me a dirty look. I planned to thank her for the gift, but the damage is done, so instead, I flee outside.
I try to take a calming breath, but it feels insufficient. I try again, inhaling slower, then exhaling on a count of ten. If I am unable to get my breathing under control, I know that I will start to hyperventilate.
Cat follows me outside. Her silver gown and rhinestone mask glitter in the light of a full moon. “You look like you’re about to vomit.”
I rush to the edge of the deck and do that just, throwing up the champagne and strawberries that are all I’ve had this evening. Cat rushes to me, placing one hand gently on my back. I vomit again, thinking of Essos’s hands on my skin and the possibility that he could be playing me. I’ve hated to admit it to myself, but it’s more than just attraction to Essos, I like him. Iwantto spend time with him, and to think that he could be manipulating me is unfathomable.
I feel Cat’s hand leave my back and the door close before she comes back a moment later with napkins and a glass of water. Once I feel like I’m not going to throw up anymore, I turn to face her, dabbing under my eyes to collect the tears streaming down my face with a clean napkin. I take a sip of water, meeting her eyes.
“Aside from Helene basically threatening you if I don’t choose Essos, Galen showed me a conversation that we had where I told him I was afraid of his brother, and then I asked how exactly Essos took me from him, and he told me that Essos murdered me.”
Cat gasps, backing up until she finds a chair to sit down and digest this information. She’s too far away from me, but I don’t have the energy to move closer to her.
“I just find that so unbelievable.” She’s trying to process what I’ve said. I take another small sip of water. “But, like, actually, he’s so into you. I really shouldn’t be saying so, but he’s got this whole surprise planned for you and everything.”
“Galen thinks Essos is acting that way because he’s trying to win me over so he can get me away from Galen. I just don’t think he counted on Galen being able to open up my memories.” A waiter steps outside to offer us glasses of champagne and I take one, knocking it back before grabbing a second for myself.
Cat jumps out of her seat suddenly and crosses the porch to me, pressing a napkin to my nose. I don’t have to question why she’s doing this; it only means one thing—I have another nosebleed. I take the napkin from her hand and squeeze my nose, tilting my head back, a headache starting to form between my eyes.
“Maybe you’re getting these nosebleeds because Galen isn’t supposed to be opening these memories.”
She’s right; I know she’s right. Essos and Finn and Sybil have all warned me about learning too much too fast. I doubt there’s anything permanent anyone can do about my nosebleeds and headaches, if that’s the case. And we’ve been told that a Calling or two was canceled because other women learned too much too fast.
“The thought has crossed my mind, but I feel so in the dark. I hate that I don’t know myself, and that I don’t know who to trust. I feel so drawn to Essos, and so safe with him, but now I’m wondering if he’s been taking advantage of my lack of memory. And I just feel so,soconfused.” I pull the napkin away from my nose to see if I’m still bleeding. Catalina is quick to thrust another napkin in my face, so I assume that I am.
The door opens, and I turn my head to seeFinn. He approaches and places his hand on my back.It’s a gentle touch, and I can almost feel the concern radiating off him.
“I know I’m a pain in the ass, but you don’t have to turn your nose up at my existence.”
I glare at him from the corner of my eye. “Hardy har har,” I say, sarcasm dripping in my nasally tone. He chuckles, handing me another new napkin. I swap them out, finding the second one redder than the first.
“Any idea why you’re still getting these awful nosebleeds, dear?”His question is a test. I can see it in how his eyes flick toward Cat to see just how much she already knows.
“I think all the classical music is melting my brain.” I switch the napkins, but the bleeding has slowed enough that I can hold my head regularly. The next napkin reveals that it’s stopped. I toss them in the trash, but they burst into flame before making it into the can.
“That shit is gross,” Finn says with a shrug.
“You havepowers? We’ve been friends for how long, and I’m just learning this now?”
“You have your secrets and I have mine,” he quips. “But they won’t be secret for much longer. One more month, and this nonsense will be over and I will be an open book.” Finn sips his champagne, and I take a chance.
“Like, I’ll get my memories back in one month, sort of an open book?” I ask.
Cat raises an eyebrow at me but goes with it.
He’s slow in taking his mask off to really look me in the face. I admitted I was having flashes and tested out the idea that they were memories, and he brushed me off, giving me the same company line that I needed towait. He was more controlled in his response then. Now he’s less so.
His reaction tells me I’m right.
“What would make you say a silly thing like that? You know all that you know. Look, we’ll be missed if we don’t head inside—let’s hit the dance floor and see if we can get rid of these grandiose ideas that you have.” He gives a fake little chuckle and tries to drag me into the ballroom.
“Finn, if I ask you a direct question can you answer it?” I push.
He eyes me warily. “Depends on the question.”
“Did Essos’s wife leave him?”