“I know. Essos took me to the Underworld to see others. They were…traumatic, and I don’t mean for me. Watching some of these people relive the worst moments of their lives, like the father who forgot his kids were in the car. I felt awful for them. Some of them deserved worse, but it was comforting to see Essos rule fairly,” I confide. I’m not sure why I feel like I can open up to her like this, but I do.
“Further proving my point. That same experience has sent lesser women begging to be sent on to their afterlife. It’s fucked up.” Helene reaches over and grabs the drink from my hand. “Enough. Go back to your room and recover. If you drink any more, you’re going to pass out, and as much as I would love to see Zara’s face as Essos carries you back to your roomagain,I’m not in the mood for the drama that will come with that. So, scoot.” She motions me to leave but gives no indication that she’s going anywhere.
Before I can say anything more to her, she pulls a book from nowhere—And Baby Makes Four—and starts to read, leaving me to limp my way back to my room.When I get there, the rose is taunting me from beside the bed, reminding me that I have plenty of answers, I’m just too afraid to acknowledge them.
CHAPTER25
Isoak in the tub, every muscle screaming at what I just put my body through. I let the tub water drain before filling it again as I soak in varying salts and soaps, hoping that something can erase the aches. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to pull my act together for the ball the next day.
After showering, I decide to take a nap before dinner. With my lights still on, I close my eyes for just a second.
That second turns into hours, because when I open my eyes, the lights in my room have been dimmed, but the curtain outside is still wide open and I see that it’s night. Something feels off, and I roll over to see Essos placing a tray on my nightstand.
He winces and straightens up. “So, I’ve been caught.” He tugs down the bottom of his suit jacket.
“What are you doing?” I ask as the fog of sleep clears from my mind. It’s obvious what he’s doing here. I look at the tray next to me to find chicken with vegetables and roasted potatoes with steam rising off them.
“You slept through dinner. Helene mentioned that she might have gone a little rough on you today, so I wanted to make sure that when you woke up, you had something to eat.”
It occurs to me that this isn’t the first time he has done this. “You left me food in the library, and another time,” I state. I’m hungry, but my stomach sours. Each time food has been left for me, I thought it was Galen performing the good deed. Why would he let me think that? Galen even outright said it was him. If Essos is doing this now, Iknowhe’s done it those other times too, as surely as I know the sky is blue.
Awareness crackles through my body at how high my shorts have hiked and how twisted my tank top is. I actually might pop a boob, and while I know Essos would be a gentleman about it, a dark, twisted part of me wants it to happen in hopes that I could finally break his careful restraint. The muscle in his jaw ticks as he fights to keep his eyes on mine. I pull on my tank strap, trying to straighten it, and his gaze falters, slipping over my cleavage and between my thighs. He wets his lips, and I can imagine him pressing me down into the mattress, his body between my legs as he worships at the altar that is me. Desperation has me nearly pulling my strap down to force his hand, see what happens when he finally lets his leash snap.
What would his mouth feel like on my clit as he fucked me with his tongue? His chest is rising rapidly, as if he’s thinking the same thing—how it would feel to capture my nipple between his teeth as he drove his body into mine.
Essos looks away first, rubbing the back of his neck. It’s something else to watch him breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth while he tries to regain his control.
“You missed lunch too,” he responds simply. “You should eat and then sleep. Tomorrow is a big day. If you thought today was tough with Helene, you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”
I sit up in bed, putting the tray on my lap. To spare us both, I grab my sweatshirt, even though it causes my core physical pain to do so. I’m surprised but really shouldn’t be when Essos helps to pull my sweatshirt over my head. His fingers graze my breast, so quick I might have imagined it, but I’m not imagining the flush on his cheeks. I have to bite back the words to beg him to do it again. Rather than call him out, I resituate myself, nestling into the sweatshirt.
“You’re close with Helene?” I ask before putting a forkful of food in my mouth.
Essos, as if sensing that I’m not letting him leave that easily, perches on the corner of my bed. “She’s my little sister, so she knows I’ll do anything for her. Galen thinks being the baby of the family entitles him to whatever he wants, and Xavier is her twin brother, so their relationships are complicated at best.” Essos grabs a stray piece of potato off my plate and pops it into his mouth. I stab at his hand with my fork, and hesmiles.
“She’s very lucky to have you looking out for her.” I take a few more bites “Are you just going to watch me eat? Because I’m not a fan of that.”
He rises. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“No!” I shout, surprised at my vehemence. As quickly as I can move, which given what Helene put me through that day isn’t that fast, I set aside the tray and get out of bed. I wince, unsure of what body part hurts more. “I mean, it’s nice talking to you—I just feel guilty eating in front of you.”
“That’s nothing to worry about. I only wanted to stop in to make sure that when you woke up, you had some sustenance beyond the margarita Helene gave you. We can talk more in the morning. For now, just eat and rest.” He walks again toward the door.I move faster than I should in my desperation for him to not leave. My fingers graze his and I feel a shock of electricity when we touch. I choke down my moan of pain, but Essos turns to me, marking the agony I’m fighting.
I point my fork at him. “Don’t heal me; I earned this soreness. But I don’t want you to go, if it’s all the same to you,” I say, not beating around the bush this time. I don’t know why I’m panicking at the idea of him leaving, but my pulse is racing and my throat has tightened to the point that I can’t draw a full breath.
Essos doesn’t fight me on the healing front, he only tips his head to me in acknowledgment. “Then I guess I have no choice but to stay.” He sits on the lounge at the foot of the bed and unbuttons his suit jacket. I imagine running my hands along his shoulders and pushing it off, then loosening his tie for him. I have to fight the urge to act on that impulse. When I’m with Essos, I find I have to constantly remind myself that I was once with Galen. I still don’t have my memories unlocked, and until I do, I feel like I owe it to myself and to Galen to find out what was actually going on with us.
“It would make me feel better if you also had something to eat.”
He laughs, then conjures a plate of food for himself.
“Why don’t you use your abilities as much as Helene does?”
Essos starts to cut up his own food, which is balanced on the foot of my bed. “I’m old-fashioned like that. I don’t see the point in using my power for things that I can easily do for myself. Managing the Underworld takes up enough of my time and energy that using my abilities on conjuring a dinner when I have other means available to me doesn’t make sense. I like to get my hands dirty, anyway. When there’s no Calling, I cook for myself.”
“What’s your best dish?” I ask, setting the remainder of my food aside on my nightstand. I readjust so I can pull my covers over myself, hiding my bare legs.
“Pasta carbonara.”