Helene is the master of building suspense. The girls that Helene took upon herself to dismiss were not actually sent to their afterlives, but rather to their rooms, allowing Essos to give them a chance to stay or go if they wanted. Essos also arranged for a final luncheon so everyone can say their goodbyes.
Helene makes a show of huffing about it but is scarce when they have the lunch. Knowing that the numbers are dwindling, I elect not to attend the lunch so Cat can devote her attention to her sorority sisters. Instead, I poke around the library, only to be disappointed when I try to remove certain books. Ones that look like they could have valuable information, such as the royal lineage of the gods of Solarem, won’t budge from the shelf no matter what I do.
Helene makes me wait until the last day to meet, and I have nothing to go on from Cat, since Helene dismissed her from their time together, citing that she knew Cat wasn’t actually a contender. Helene told Cat that she liked her well enough but was going to use the day to visit her husband and “bounce on him like a pogo stick.” Cat didn’t say how Helene knew, just that she did. Zara also wasn’t able to share any details of her day with Helene—any time she tried, she had a coughing fit, spewing feathers. She stopped trying after it happened twice.
In a way, I’m grateful for Helene’s arrival—it’s given me a chance to put off what happened with Galen the morning she arrived. To push the memory further from my mind, I’ve been spending my free days readingThe Princess and Her Guardand hiding in the garden, still toting that rose around. I’m torn while reading it, because I simultaneously want to binge read it as quickly as I can, but I also want to savor every page, hoping for some sort of insight into Solarem since it’s set there. There isn’t anything I can really glean, so while I try to pretend it’s for scholarly pursuits, I’m reading it for the smut.
I wake on the last morning to a note that I am to meet Helene on the beach, ready to work up a sweat. I planned to arrive before her so I would have an idea of what to expect, but she’s down there already in high-waisted leggings and a sports bra, her blond hair pulled into a high ponytail.
“Oh good! You’re an early bird. And here I had been led to believe that you were chronically late to everything.”
I stop in my tracks, wondering if I should be offended. “Good morning to you too, Helene.”
She smiles at me. Our interactions at mealtimes have been limited because her focus all week was on mediating between her brothers while simultaneously getting under their skin. If they were irritated with her, it meant they weren’t making jabs at each other.
“Please don’t get me wrong. I’m excited to meet with you. You seem fascinating— do you want to tell me about yourself first, or shall I tell you what I have learned about you and you can fill in what I don’t know?” She starts walking away, leading me toward the end of the beach where there are giant tires set out like in the CrossFit commercials Cat and I used to laugh at.
I’m suddenly wishing I stayed in bed.
“We aren’t doing anything with those, are we?” I ask, incredulous at the thought of having to lift a tire and push it across the sand.
“Oh, we are. We’re going to move these tires across the beach, go for a short run, then end with some light yoga.” She dusts her hands on her pants and starts to lift her tire.
The commercials on TV always made it look so easy, the people who lifted them sprinting across the room. Helene is that type of person, but I am not.
I push out a deep breath of air, then try to pick mine up. She certainly made it look easy, but I’m not having the same luck.
“So, what will it be, shall I tell you what I know, or do you want to tell me?” When I can do nothing but gasp for air, she continues to talk. “Got it. So, I know that you’re an orphan, your best friend is Catalina, and my brother is in love with you.” By that point, I’ve managed to get my wheel upright and I freeze, looking at her, not sure which brother she’s referring to.I’m framed by the wheel, a matchingOon my lips.
“Have I got that right?” she says, leaning on her tire, waiting for me to catch up.
“Well, I can’t speak for your brother, but I can confirm that yeah, I am an orphan and Cat is my best friend.” I push the tire over, and it lands with a thud in the sand. Helene looks like she’s hardly broken a sweat, and I can’t even form a full sentence. Her tire is at least two full flips ahead of mine.
“That’s really great that you got to go on this journey with your friend, I mean, it really blows that you both had to die, but still, very cool. Zara mentioned that her best friend Tiffany got to return to the world of the living. Which is cooler still—it appears that Essos has something resembling a heart in that ice block in his chest. I also heard that Dave has taken a liking to you.” I start to lift the tire a second time, digging my feet into the sand as it slips away from me. If I didn’t already know I was dead, I would think I was going to die again.
“So, I just want to make sure, but, like, are you planning on talking at all, or am I just going to have a conversation with myself?” Helene asks.
“Maybe…if…you hadn’t decided…to make me lift a stupid tire a thousand times…I would be able…to talk to you…but you wanted...to do…this…instead.” I huff, shoving my tire to the ground.
“There’s that dark heart I was looking for!” She smiles and hops up to sit on her tire, then proceeds to watch me fall apart into a sweaty mess.
“Hating this…doesn’t mean I have…a dark heart…and for what it’s worth…thissucks.”I spit the words out, trying to get as much strength as I can to push the tire over.
“No pain no gain, am I right?” She takes a sip from a water bottle she conjured. I stop, after having bent over to lift the tire again. I need to keep holding on to the tire, otherwise, I’m going to hit her. I stand up, trying to keep calm.
“That cliché is used by people who clearly have never had to work hard for anything in their lives.” I lean down to grab the tire again and drive my feet harder into the sand so I can lift the damn thing. I manage to get it up and over in one move this time. When I look at Helene, she looks as if I hit her.
“Wow, tell me how you really feel.” Her posh accent has thickened. I don’t much care if I hit a nerve. I’ve seen all week how she pushes her own way on other people, making them feel shitty when they push back.
“Pretty sure I just did,” I confirm.
I bend over again to keep going. We’re silent for a time after that, just a lot of grunting from me as I try my hardest to get the tire moving.I am exhausted by the thirty minutes I have spent with her. I don’t know how I can keep up the mental gymnastics required for dealing with this family at this level of exhaustion. Maybe that’s the point—wear me down physically and get into my head. If I’m too focused on breathing, I can’t focus on the questions she’s asking.
“Stop,” she says, and I flip the tire one last time then look at her. My muscles feel bruised and achy, so I’m glad to stop, but I don’t want her to see that. “Look, I’m going to be frank with you, because you seem like the type of person who values honesty. My brother has had his heart shattered, and I would rather not see that happen again. I love him and won’t let anyone hurt him. So, if you’re not interested in Essos, get the fuck out.”
I flinch at her words. “I am,” I state simply. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the full truth, so it tastes sour in my mouth. The truth is, I’m confused. I feel drawn to Essos in a way that I can’t explain, but the memories that Galen has shown me indicate the possibility of a different life.
She lets a long breath out of her nose, watching me carefully.