“You act like I’m trying to spite you!” I say, walking toward him and the flowers he brutalized. I touch them gently, frowning at the damage he’s done. Finn picks up the petals and presses them into my hands. Absently, I shove them into my pocket.
“I know you’re not,” he says sadly. “Can we stop fighting? It feels wrong.”
I turn to face Finn. “I know it does, but I need you to respect that if you can’t give me the answers I need, or even a straight answer in general, then I’m going to have to work with the information I do have. I am my own person, capable of making my own decisions.”
Finn opens his mouth to speak, but he can only cough. This fit continues for a minute, and I approach him, my stomach clenching in concern. He bends over, putting his hands on his knees, and I press my hand to his back.
He clears his throat and straightens. “I’m your friend always, so you can count on me. But like any good friend, when I’m proven right that Galen is an untrustworthy swine, I’m going to say I told you so.”
“Deal, but also, you’re entitled to have your own conflicts with Galen that are separate from mine. Cat and Zara were also super close, despite Zara and I never getting along. Never did I expect Cat to alienate Zara because of me. I’m not going to let whatever conflict is between you and Galen color my impression of him. If you can ever give me context, maybe that will change.” I lead the way into the house. “What are you even doing outside so early?” I ask, eyeing Finn suspiciously.
“I was in the neighborhood and wanted to talk to Essos about getting you some remedial dance classes.”
I hit him, unamused.
Finn laughs, rubbing his arm. “Worth it. No, I was supposed to deliver a message, but I don’t think I’m going to.” He smirks.
“What are you? A messenger of some kind?”
“It’s one of my many hats, yes, and make no mistake, there will be blood over disobeying, but it will be worth it.” Finn’s voice is soft, and he drags his knuckles over my cheek before tucking my hair behind my ear. “Stop underestimating yourself.”
Finn gestures toward my pocket before he turns to leave.
“Where are you going?” I ask, confused. He came all the way here for a fight?
“I do have other work besides being your therapist.” Finn walks away and is soon out of sight.
When I arrive in the dining room, Essos and Cat are missing and Sybil is seated with us instead of standing vigil at the back of the room. I don’t ask where they are, hoping that he’s found some way to ease her pain.
Essos returns alone shortly thereafter and pulls me to the side. I can feel Galen’s gaze on me as we walk into the hall.
He bends his head close to my ear, whispering.“Catalina needs you in her room. She will explain. Take all the time she needs, and ifyouneed anything, please ask.”
I nod and move past him toward the stairs, my breakfast forgotten. Before climbing the stairs, I stop and turn toward him.
“Thank you,” I whisper, before running upstairs to tend to my friend.
* * *
Cat is sitting on her bed holding Honey Bear while in her pajamas. Shadow has climbed into bed with her and is playing the part of little spoon. Her tail is wagging, head twisted in Cat’s lap to look at the door. Dave follows me in and settles himself beside her.
“So, Essos pulled me aside this morning and took me to his office. He asked if I wanted to check in on my family.” She sniffles and starts to cry, prompting both dogs to try to snuggle in closer to her.
I climb into bed and under the covers, waiting until she’s ready to continue. I pass the tissue box to her and place a hand on her back, my full attention on her needs.
“They all seem pretty okay. Mom was seeing a therapist, talking about how much she missed me, and how she was trying to figure out how to start a scholarship in my name. My brother was in the batting cages hitting balls as hard as he could, and my dad was at work looking sad, like he was just going through the m-motions.” Cat’s voice breaks.
“I thought it would make me feel better to see them, but it may have made it worse. How is my dad going to keep going? He looks like he can hardly keep his head above water. My mom is throwing all her energy into different events that she can host in my honor to build the scholarship that my dad has already endowed and ignoring him and my brother. My brother is pissed and is just hitting baseballs to try to get out his frustration, because that's the only way he knows how or can, with my parents so involved in other things.
“How do I do this?” she asks. “It’s not as if it's going to get any easier when I move on. I'm still going to miss them. I’m still going to want to see them and what they’re doing. And sure, it would be easier to keep tabs on them if I moved on, I think—I assume—but then that’s all I would be doing. I would be obsessing, like my mom, and I just miss my mommy.”
She starts to cry again, and I imagine this is what it’s like to have a loving bond with a parent. To miss them so fiercely that it inhibits your own will to go on. I reason with myself that there really isn’t a “going on” for Cat or me anymore; there will just be the Afterlife and what comes from that.
Before I can get into it, there’s a knock at the door, and the dogs lift their heads. Cat calls out, allowing them access, and Essos walks in.
“I heard from a talking wallflower that you might miss your shows as well, so I wondered if this might help.” With a wave of his hand, the mirror above her dresser turns into a TV. Essos tosses a remote in her direction. “I hope this brings you some comfort,”he says, backing away. For the man in charge of the Underworld, he seems so uncomfortable with grief. I want to get up and hug him, thank him for not only listening to me, but really hearing me about how to help Cat.
Before the door can snick closed, Spot jumps on the bed, and Cat lets out a hiccupping giggle-sob. I hear Essos call from the other side of the door, “Traitors!” before his footfalls can be heard retreating down the hall.