There’s a whine at the door. I climb out of bed to let Dave in, and he wastes no time jumping onto the foot of the bed and snuggling in.
Cat takes in a deep breath and slowly releases it. “This is a lot of information to digest at four in the morning, and I, for one, need a lot more sleep if I’m going to puzzle out what the fuck is going on. It’s making my brain hurt. Also, please don’t have sex dreams in my bed, that’s gross.”
I stick my tongue out at her and roll onto my back. “It’s not like I’m trying to have sex dreams. They just happen.”
“I do think we should keep this between the two of us. It’s not even should—I think weneedto. I don’t want to be here without you and, as great as Essos has been, there are still a lot of unknowns here. Sybil’s threat to not to talk about the dreams makes me wary. They never said what sort of consequences we would face for not keeping them a secret, althoughhypothetically,they totally already know it’s one of us having the dreams. But also, I don’t trust Galen. I need to get a feel for him, other than douchey little brother. In summation, don’t trust anyone.”
I nod and then voice the last thing on my mind. “Essos and Zara seem to have really hit it off. They went skinny dipping tonight.”
“Oh, who gives a shit.”
“Me.Igive a shit.”I swing my arm in her general direction, but she catches it and turns on her side to face me.
“I know. All I’m saying is, if just touching Galen gives you sex dreams, I can’t imagine what kissing Essos will do to you. You might explode.”
The thought sends a huge grin to my face. I knew that talking to Cat would help give me the perspective I need on the matter. “What would I do without you?”
“Probably run away with Galen, now that all you can think about is his penis and the sex dreams he’s giving you.”
I hit her with a pillow. “I would be so lost and confused without you. Thank you for staying. I know that even if you do still want to be here, you’re sacrificing seeing your grandparents.”
“All in a day’s work as your savior. Now, will you kindly shut up so I can sleep? I’m going to have bags the size of Alaska under my eyes if I stay up a wink longer.”
Cat falls asleep almost immediately, and Dave is snoring at the foot of the bed, but I can’t stop more thoughts from running through my mind.
All of her points were valid, but it gets lonely quick when there’s no one else I can trust. I think about it and wonder what would happen if I were to kiss Galen. Having some sort of a past life would make sense, but if I was a god, can you really kill a god? And if I was married to Galen, why is Essos keeping me here? Galen made it sound like Essos knows exactly who I am and is keeping me here intentionally, but to what end?
Could I have been with both of them?
There are so many unknowns and no way to find answers unless I know the rules of the game, but the game keeps changing, and I don’t know which rules to follow. Cat is right though—these are not thoughts and worries for the wee hours of the morning. Under the harsh light of day, maybe we can banish the shadows of lies.
CHAPTER16
Galen showed up two weeks ago, and we’ve found a new normal with him constantly lurking at breakfast and the balls. Each night he tries to charm everyone, and for the most part, people embrace his glowing energy. Zara, however, doesn’t seem charmed by him and rebuffs him every time he asks her for a dance. Still, he tries to get to know all twelve girls who remain.
I both yearn for him to show me more memories and hate that I do—the magnitude of my craving to see more makes my skin crawl. There might be this whole side of me that I was unaware of. I wonder if I used to like the things I love now, like tequila and tacos. Do the gods have these things? I wonder if Galen is able to show me only memories of us, or if he could show me something else, like a memory of Finn. It’s a reasonable leap that if I was involved with Galen, and Finn was Essos’s best friend, then the two of us must have interacted with them both at some point. My dreams probably can’t be guided, but maybe Galen can show me something specific.
It occurs to me that if Finn and Essos are close, then perhaps Finn and I weren’t so close in my past life. It’s obvious from their interactions that Galen and Finn get along as well as drinking and driving. The trouble is that I can’t ask without giving away the fact that Galen has started to help me remember.If anyone finds out, I don’t doubt that this entire process will end. Did a past version of me already go through this?
Galen and Essos both asked for patience, for me to make it to the final ball, and I’m going to try my damnedest to do just that.
Today, Cat, Tiffany, Zara and I have a group date with Essos. He’s leading us toward the garden when the sound of wheels draws our attention. Essos freezes for just a moment, and then the man runs in his three-piece suit toward the driveway.
“I’m guessing no one is supposed to be able to drive here?” Zara says with a shrug as we jog after him to see what the commotion is.
“No, they’re not,” Essos hisses, stopping at the lip of the driveaway between the gardens and a van speeding toward him. My heart lurches in my chest, and I consider that we might find out whether the God of the Dead can die. I don’t want to know; I need more time with Essos, and I find myself stepping forward so I’m almost at his side.
The van comes to an abrupt stop just short of hitting him, the rear tires practically lifting off the ground from the force. A tall Asian man climbs out of the driver’s side. Once I get a good look at him and his guitar, I realize who it is.
“Steve!” Tiffany cries and tries to run toward him, but Essos flings out his arm and catches her around the waist.
“You can’t be here,” Essos warns him. Steve tries to walk toward Tiffany, and Essos takes another step back, pulling her with him. “You need to explain yourself before there are any joyful reunions. How did you get here?” It is not a question, but a demand.
“I got a voicemail from Tiff, saying that she was in a better place but missed me.” Essos looks livid, his ears turning red as Steve continues. “So, I drove to the spot where she died. For days and days, I drove there, right up to the edge of the cliff. I blocked traffic and had the cops called on me a few times as I parked there, just staring at the horizon line. Today as the sun started to set, I saw this weird light. The sky flashed, and I floored it and drove right at it, but my car didn’t plunge off the side—there was a roadway. I thought I went blind, and the next thing I knew I was barreling down this road and almost hit you.” Steve lets out a big breath. “You need to let me see her.” Steve makes another desperate attempt to reach Tiffany. His hair is a mess, pointing in every direction, and he looks as if he hasn’t slept in days or even weeks.I doubt he’s showered either.
“You can see her from where you are. Everyone inside—now, please.”
He hands off Tiffany to Zara, and as we start to walk away, Essos gestures to Steve, looking exasperated, and they bring up the rear. Zara is holding on tight to her friend without being told to do so. It’s clear that Essos wants to keep her and Steve apart.