I start walking with her again, leading her down the stairs. “I think that they probably feel the same way, like they shouldn’t go on either, but that’s why you have to—you wouldn’t want their lives to stop because you’re gone. You have this second chance, and I don’t think you should feel bad about it.” I hope my words are reassuring to her.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but I agree,” Tiffany says, coming down the stairs behind us. “When I think about Steve, I know I want him to move on and keep living his life, even though I wanted it to be with me. I know it’s best for him to move forward. Even if a small part of me wants him to mourn me forever.”
“I’m sure in his own way, he will.” I take her hand in my other, and the three of us walk outside. In the time it took us to get ready, Sybil had a cabana set up by the water, complete with drinks and snacks and towels. Knowing that sand and shoes are a terrible idea, I kick off my wedges and feel the sand between my toes. This moment, with the wind blowing my hair, the smell of the saltwater, and the sand beneath my feet, feels like the most real experience I’ve had in a month.
Galen looks up at us and smiles. “Glad to see that you aren’t covering up your itsy bitsy yellow polka dot bikini. That would be a crying shame indeed.”
I grab a towel from the cabana before stepping back into the sun, refusing to acknowledge him. I hold the towel against my body, feeling a chill deep in my bones. These moments of chilliness have been plaguing me since I died, and I have yet to figure out if there’s a trigger, but right now, in the sun under Galen’s gaze, I feel cold to my very core.
I set my towel on a lounge chair and rub my arms until warmth spreads through my insides to my limbs. I look up from the coast toward the cabana and see Essos, still in his business suit, chatting with Zara. He might be talking to her, but his eyes are on me. There’s a storm brewing within him, visible in the stony set of his mouth. I give him a smile and a nod, which he returns before focusing on Zara.
As Cat and Tiffany stake out chairs, I opt to head for the water. I’m still not the most comfortable with it. I shower more quickly than ever before, and the idea of a bath isn’t even in the hemisphere of thought. As I stand there, I rationalize that, now that I am dead, the water can’t hurt me. I miss that feeling of weightlessness that comes with drifting in an open body of water, slowly rocked by the waves. I want to capture that feeling again.
I hoped for solitude in confronting this newfound fear, but the footsteps behind me send that hope far away.
“Hey!” Galen calls, as I dip my toes in the ocean for the first time. “It’s Daphne, right?”
I turn toward him, crossing my arms. “That’s my name.” I turn back toward the water. I’m hoping he gets the hint. He comes closer and grabs my arm, and a jolt of static electricity buzzes through me.
In my mind I see a flash of Galen’s face, hovering over mine, flushed red as he says my name, his golden curls matted to his forehead as sweat drips off his face. I feel so many things at once—the way the bedding I’m lying on chafes my back, and the sheets fisted in my hands. I feel the pounding of my heart and a moan scratching against my throat. The brief flash makes my heart race.
“Daphne, are you okay?” Galen’s voice pulls me back to the present.
I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. “Yeah, but I’m not big on people touching me without my permission.” The feeling of ice in my veins battles with my red-hot skin. I might not have gotten a complete memory from the flash, and there was no emotion behind it, but I have an idea as to what was happening. I’ve never had sex with Essos in my dreams, but there’s something more intimate about how we kiss and our bodies press together. I can’t imagine any reality in which I would do that with his brother, of all people.
“Sorry, I just…I was hoping to talk to you. I want to get to know all the girls who could someday become my sister-in-law.” Galen has a strange expression, as if he’s trying to memorize my face.
I wonder if he saw the same thing I did.
“Sure,” I agree, not willing to fight him over something as trivial as getting to know me. My brain is too busy trying to figure out what it means that I had that vision of Galen, who certainly seemed to be saying my name with passion. I feel my cheeks burn at the thought of how his hair was askew, how his body was definitely moving above me.
“How have you been enjoying living in the lap of luxury? I hear Essos has pulled out all the stops for your group. All-night dance parties, champagne flowing. What escort did you get stuck with?” He fires off questions faster than I can answer them.
“I’m with Finn. He’s been great.” Galen wades deeper into the water so it’s up to his knees. While shorter than his brother, he still has an easy height advantage over me. I go past him a bit farther until I’m up to my hips, secretly relieved that I have someone there if I freak out. Reminding myself that I’m still on the sand bar, I focus on taking calming breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. I thought I wanted to face this alone, but I don’t. Galen might not be the person I want by my side, but he’ll do. The person I do want is still at the beach dressed in a suit, something I may never understand.
“Ah, he’s okay. I’m looking forward to seeing you in a gown tonight. I’m sure it’s a spectacular sight.”
I glance at him over my shoulder and find that he looks genuine. I smile, loosening up to his charm. “I always am,” I tease. Once the words are out of my mouth, I regret them and want to claw them back. It’s the kind of flirty comment I would have thrown out with friends, but even if my feelings toward Essos are complicated, I shouldn’t have said that to Galen. He grins at me broadly, and it makes me feelwrong.
“You’re a bit cheeky, aren’t you?” Galen glances at the shore, where the next closest people are walking toward the water, far enough away that I can’t make out their words over the crash of waves around us. “Look, we’re far away from prying ears now. I want to let you know that you can always come to me if something seems off here. Please, know that I’ll make sure you’re protected.”
A flurry of thoughts crosses my mind as we come off the sand bar, and suddenly I’m treading water. Without the comfort of the sand directly under my foot, I feel sick, my stomach dropping. It’s too much to deal with at once, the overwhelming fear of drowning again, and Galen’s insinuation that I’m in danger.
Sybil’s threat about the dreams resurfaces, and I suppress a shudder. I know that we aren’t being told everything; Finn has even counseled me to be patient, but I want answers, and I’m wondering if, since Galen isn’t directly involved with the Calling, he’s able to give me some.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you mean. What would I need to be protected from?” I paddle my way back to the sand bar, thankful to find my footing. I need to be on two feet for this conversation.
“I love Essos—he’s my brother—but he’s used to running his realm alone. It’s been him and Sybil for so long. I’m not sure they’ll look kindly on some woman invading their turf.”
I think about how close Sybil always is to Essos, their ability to anticipate his needs on an almost psychic level. I attributed that to how long they’ve worked together, but maybe it’s something else. I think of the disdain they occasionally have for some of the girls, and how they always touch Essos when coming to deliver a message for him.
“I don’t expect you to trust me. You’ve only just met me, and I know trust is something to be earned. But Daphne, I am trusting you with this, because I see the way he’s looking at you, and I’ve seen what Sybil is capable of when Essos is leaning toward someone they can’t control. If the way you’ve spoken to me is any indication, you’re strong-willed. I would hate to see something happen to you. I’m just sorry it took me so long to get here.”
It's like he’s reading my soul when he says that he understands trust is something to be earned. Essos told me right away to trust him while giving me a superficial trust—there would be no consequences if I told someone that he liked to wear blue. It would be a breach of that trust, and was likely a test, but all the same. It’s validating to have someone agree that trust is not something easily given.
I study Galen’s face, trying to see if I can get a good read on him. His brow is furrowed in concern, presumably for my well-being, but I just don’t know. There are too many questions running through my mind to focus on the signals he’s sending with his body language.
“What do you mean, took you so long? What is Sybil capable of?” I ask, deciding to tread water again. From the shore, I hear laughter; a few other girls have started wading in the water but aren’t coming as far out as we are.