“Apparently, it was supposed to be a tour for everyone, but he was late, and everyone had left. Sybil was there the whole time.”
Cat grins. She’s not mad that she missed it, and I love that about her. “How great that must have been to have him all to yourself without Zara drooling all over him.” I think she’s genuinely happy for me, and that makes my crushing jealousy so much worse. I can barely muster a smile when she talks about him to me. I’ve never been good at being the bigger person.
“It actually was really nice not to worry about sharing him with other people,” I say, getting up to pull out my own dress.
Cat lays her dress on my bed before coming over and hugging me. “That's because you grew up an only child and then had to go into foster care. You rarely had things to yourself, so you intrinsically hate to share.”
I hug her back, glad her ribs are healed so I can squeeze as much as I want. Cat understands me in ways I don’t even understand myself. Having someone like her in my life means not having to explain myself when I get touchy about my things. It’s why we’ve been roommates since freshman year. She is my friend-soulmate, my fellow TV-show binger, and I am so glad to have her with me now.
“Is thatCriminal Mindstalking, or psych class?” I tease, prompting her to shrug her shoulders dramatically and turn back to my dresses.
“A little of both,” she huffs, moving on to the shoes, cooing over some high-heeled boots.
“How are you handling this so well?” I ask her, knowing that there are broader implications to my question.
She hesitates before speaking. “Because I’m not an only child, I’ve had to share everything. Besides, it helps to look at this as a job interview and not a relationship. I’m being pragmatic.” She tosses the boots at me. “I’m tired of helping—you pick my dress for once!”
I laugh and follow her into her room across the hall, the clothes she brought with her left behind. “You came into my room! You brought a dress!” I fire back.
She harrumphs and lifts her head higher. She holds the door open for me and shepherds me toward her closet.“I changed my mind about that dress; help me pick another.” We leave her door open a crack, but I’m surprised when it’s opened farther. The culprit is revealed to be none other than Dave. He jumps onto her bed and makes himself comfortable. As always, his tail is wagging, and Cat crosses to him and starts petting his beautiful blue-grey coat.
I pull out a red dress embroidered with gold flowers. Cat hesitates then ventures closer. Slowly, she grins, seeing my vision. Tonight, I help her get ready. Even though she won’t be sitting by Essos’s side, I make sure that she looks like a knockout.
As I return to my room, I see a figure walking down the hall and call after her. “Tiffany!”
She spins around to face me and smiles.“Hey, Daphne.”
I lean against my doorframe and cross my arms, my attention on her. Dave follows me and sits on the floor at my feet. “I wanted to check in with you to see how you’re doing. You seemed a little down last night.”
Her head bobs in agreement, and I open the door to my room, letting her know that I’m available. After a moment of hesitation, she comes in and sits on the lounge at the foot of my bed. Dave trots in with her.
“I miss Steve, and it’s hard to let go of that. I don’t even want to be with Essos. But, like, I just…I’m not ready to move on. I’m not ready to leave Zara.” She sniffles, and then the tears start.
I hand her a tissue box then sit next to her, tucking my feet under me. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Dave licking her leg. “It makes sense. You guys were together since freshman year.”
She shakes her head. “We actually started seeing each other during our senior year of high school. We met at an accepted-students weekend and really hit it off. We were talking about getting married after college, you know? I thought I’d have my whole life with him, and I feel like I’ve been robbed of that.” Tiffany blows her nose and gets up to toss her used tissue in the garbage. She stands there a moment before starting to pace, her long legs carrying her across the room in just a few strides before she turns around.
“I think there’s a lot of that feeling going around.” My eyes track her as she continues to pace.
“Well, I think it’s bullshit. I didn’t deserve this, and it’s not fair.” She stops moving and looks at me. I can’t disagree with her.
“Are you thinking about moving on to your afterlife?” I ask delicately. The conversations around the pool and breakfast pointedly ignored this topic, I suspect because we’re all uncomfortable with the thought. It’s like asking someone if they’re going to have a baby after they get married. You never know someone else’s life plans, and in this case, you don’t know what other implications there might be.
“I mean, I could? But what does it even mean, to enter the Afterlife?” she says, not looking for an answer.
I shake my head. I wish that Essos or Sybil would give us some insight. Is the Afterlife more likeThe Good Place,or are we talking about a more biblical Afterlife?
“I wish I knew. But you’re right, you didn’t deserve this. None of us did. You deserved to have a long life with Steve and get married and pop out babies, if that was what you wanted. I’m not sure if anyone has said it, but I am so sorry.” I stand and walk to her, then lay what I hope is a comforting hand on her upper arm. “We may be the ones who died, but we’re also grieving the loss of everyone in our lives. I wanted to make sure you know I’m here for you, if you ever want to talk about it, or just share memories of Steve or your parents. I think maybe we should talk to Sybil to see if that’s something we can do—have a night where we’re able to grieve what we lost.”
Tiffany throws her arms around me and hugs me close. “I think that’s a terrific idea—we should suggest it at dinner tonight. I think, for now, I’ll stay, see it through with Zara. She’s my best friend, and I just lost Steve—I don’t want to lose her too.” Tiffany’s words are not a surprise to me. It’s what I would do for Cat. “I have to get ready for dinner tonight—my hair does not braid itself. But thank you for reaching out, really.”She braces herself on my arms, giving me a teary look, and then quietly leaves.
Dave has made himself comfortable on my bed, curled in a tight ball, soulful eyes watching me as I lay down next to him.
I don’t want to get up. I want someone to tell me what my dreams mean, and what it really means to be here. Instead, I get non-answers and dodges. I let my eyes close for just a moment, and I’m back on that beach in my dream and this time it’s definitely Essos’s soft lips pressed against mine, his body firm as he kisses me. While we were dancing, I could feel the muscles in his arms and shoulders, and I want to get to know them up close and personal.
Dave whines, and I turn to face him, letting out a deep sigh.“All right. You win. I’m going.”
I don’t like the dress I chose for the second night of dancing, so I put it and the boots Cat had admired away and turn to Dave for help. Each new dress I show him, he either huffs at me fornoor wags his tail emphatically foryes, which helps me narrow the choice down to two.