I laugh. “Dave? Who named him Dave?” I squat down too, to get closer to Dave and give him more pets, and the other two come bounding over to me as well. The three of them nearly knock me over, but when I look at Essos to hear his response, he looks as if my question knocked the wind out of him. For a second, he has a hard time meeting my eye, and I wonder if I’ve pressed on a tender bruise.
“Someone very dear to me. Dave is much more human than the other two, so it suits him.”
I laugh as Spot knocks me over and licks my face while Shadow and Dave fight over trying to get a piece of me too. “And my other question?”
“You’ll learn about it eventually.” My displeasure must show on my face, because Essos laughs softly. “There is a council of nine. When there are conflicts between the three realms, we defer to the Council. It was the Council that determined that, after five hundred years on the throne alone, I should have someone else by my side.” He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing from the effort.
The door behind me opens, and Sybil walks outside. “My lord—” They stop abruptly when they see me on the ground.
“Yes, Sybil?” Essos asks, looking away from me and standing up.
“The girls are starting to rise. I wanted to inquire if you had outfit specifications for the informational breakfast this morning.”
Essos’s chuckle sounds nervous as he sticks his hands in his pockets, looking sheepish. Sybil gives him an admonishing look. I stand up and dust myself off, although the dogs are not done seeking my attention.
“Heel,” Essos commands, using a different tone than I’ve heard so far.
The force of his voice and the power threaded in the order make me want to drop to my knees before him and heel as well. Even the thought of being on my knees in front of him makes my insides clench at the desire that thrums through me. I fight the very strong urge to look at his crotch and wonder how he would taste. Does he enjoy letting his partner take control, or does he need power in all things by face-fucking whoever is lucky enough to be with him? My cheeks warm as these thoughts invade my mind.
The dogs all stop immediately and trot to sit by their master’s side. “Sybil, please bring Ms. Hale back to her room. Allow the girls to wear pajamas or whatever they want to breakfast, and for the afternoon, they should dress for interviews.”
“Understood. Ms. Hale, if you would follow me.”
Surprised by the formality, I start to follow Sybil, but turn to look at Essos one last time. The Essos before me seems a different man from the one I was just talking with. I want to bring that Essos back, hear the deep gruffness of his laugh. It sounded so weary from disuse, but his back is already turned, both of us dismissed.
Sybil leads me back up the stairs and stops before my room. I reach for the doorknob, but they grab my wrist. My breath catches, and I pull back my hand as I turn to face them.
They don’t look angry so much as concerned, their brows furrowed as they study my face. “Heed my warning, girl. There is much more at stake here than you realize. Youmustfollow the rules—your life may depend on it.” In a flash, they’re gone, as if they were never there to begin with.
I’m left alone in the hallway with my thoughts.
Inside my room, Cat is still sleeping, and I leave her to it and shower in my private bathroom. Sybil’s odd warning echoes in my mind. What life are they talking about? The life I could have as queen? I mentioned my doubts to Cat about my ability to be a good queen, but I’m willing to see this through, willing to try with Cat by my side. Essos is, in a word, intriguing. He seems to run hot and cold, but what do I even know about him? We’ve had all of two conversations, but the way he looks at me makes me feel like I’m missing something. Already, I’ve seen so many sides to him—the doting dog dad, the careful, controlled king and that softer, lighter side he showed me this morning.
I turn on the water and run my hands under it until it turns hot. A flash of frantic memory where I bang my hands uselessly on a window streaks through my mind. I shake my head, as if that can shake the memory away, before I get into the shower. It’s jarring, the feel of the water against my skin, now that I have these memories. I try to focus on the fact that I’m still here, still…alive? Undead? I’m not drowning, in either case. I’m in between, somewhere that I get to try to earn the affection of a gorgeous ruler.
I recall my dream, remembering the feel of Essos’s hands in my hair and the weight of his body pressing on mine.I want to finish the dream, want to feel him reach for me. Instead, I slip my own fingers between my legs. My eyes flutter shut at the slickness of my sex, as I imagine Essos’s fingers touching me. I let my head fall to the side, calling to mind the feel of his mouth on my neck. My breaths come faster, and I’m panting at the phantom sensation of his body against mine.
Before I can find release, there is a banging on the door, and I jerk my hand away.I stagger back and lean against the cool tile while the lust-filled fog in my head dissipates.
“I’m going back to my room!” Cat shouts, and soon I hear my bedroom door close.
Once I’m thinking clearly, I step back under the spray and reach for the temperature controls. Ice-cold water sluices over my body in a liquid rush. It’s a shock to my system and clears my head completely. My favorite brand of shampoo and conditioner and all my usual shower accessories were already in here, down to my brand of razor. I find it hard to believe that any of this is real, unless Essos is a professional stalker who learned the sizes and preferences of twenty girls in order to…what? Buy us nice dresses? Slaughter us one by one?
I can hardly imagine, and it doesn’t answer the question about how he managed to warm me up from the inside out.
Maybe it’s time to let go of the fantasy that this isn’t real. I should lean in and accept what Cat said the night before—that this is something I can do. I’m not ready to leave Cat and go on to my afterlife, whatever that might look like.
These are the lies I tell myself as I get dressed.
Putting off the chance to meet my birth parents because of a guy is shitty, even if there is a magnetism to him that makes me wonder what it would feel like to see him in those raw, unguarded moments where he isn’t a king or a god, just a man in love with a woman. To see if this fantasy I have of him is anything like the real deal.
I dress simply for the morning, not in the matching set of silk pajamas he gave me but in a deep red circle skirt with a white button-up blouse. Maybe someday I will dare to wear one of the beautiful necklaces and other jewelry he placed in my room, but that day is not today. I’d feel like I was playing dress-up in my mom’s closet. Once I get my bearings, I’ll go all in. I finger my grandmother’s rings in the ring drawer, comforted to have them close, but I leave them where they are.
When I step out of the closet, I take a moment to study the room. From my window, I can see the pool and the deck where Essos and I just were. The thought floats through my mind that we could have been seen together. It makes my heart race at the illicitness of this, but, ultimately, we weren’t doing anything wrong, so what does it matter? My gaze snags on the spot where we stood, and then I look beyond at the rolling waves of the ocean. I’m lucky to have a view of the water, but I’m also jealous of Cat’s view of the gardens. What little I was able to see of them in the dark last night makes me wonder about their size.
For the first time, I notice an arrangement of flowers sitting on the vanity, a mixture of lavender and hydrangeas that matches the purple of my room. I study the flowers, thinking back to a class I took freshman year on flower arranging. Hiding within the flowers are little forget-me-nots, which is an unusual choice, and I love how they tie in to the bouquet.
I slip across the hall into Cat’s room and wait for her to get out of the shower. I’ve left my hair down to keep the bruise covered as much as possible. Maybe it was foolish to reject Essos’s offer to heal it.