“Baby, I’m going to stop dancing around this because we don’t have the same time we did in the beginning of our relationship. If you want to stay, I want you to stay. If you’re worried that I won’t want you after you left, you’re way off-base. I still and always will want you. Nothing is going to change that. Nothing that has happened since you’ve been gone will change that.” His brown eyes stay on me, his tone fierce.
“I kissed him.” I don’t know what else to say to him.
“I told you, there is nothing that will change my mind.” Charlie reaches for me, turning my face so I can look only at him. I can see the anger burning through him, but I know when he’s looking at me now, he’s not seeing the bruises. He’s seeing me. Gently, his thumb rubs over my cheek with a pressure that shows me he’s not afraid of me. He let’s go of me when I look down and away from him, overwhelmed by the intensity in his gaze.
I suck on my top lip, half-expecting him to push me away. I expect the worst, even though I know that would not be something Charlie would do, but I am lost again. I don’t know my worth. I doubt I deserve someone like Charlie.
He continues, “If I were ten years younger, I would beat him to hell for putting his hands on you. As it is, I am considered a respectable member of society and would serve time if I did that now. Knowing that you are here with me, safe and away from him, is good enough for me. Jack and I will take care of getting your stuff back. Rest assured that I love you. I will alwaysloveyou and that isn’t going to change.”
“I’m sorry.” I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for, disrupting his life the first time, for all of it, for leaving, but I feel like I have to say it. Charlie’s entire body seems to collapse in on itself at my words.
“You have nothing to apologize for.Nothing.I want to make that very,veryclear. Not for leaving, not for coming back, and not for his actions. You did nothing wrong. I was the asshole that let you walk away. I was the asshole that didn’t fight for you. I wish I had followed you and chased you and not walked out like a damn coward, but I was a coward. I didn’t think I deserved to be loved back, and rather than face what I was feeling head on, I just accepted that and made the biggest mistake of my life by letting you go. I’m not making that mistake again. Not ever.”
I pull the drain out and just sit, letting his words wrap around me like a protective shield. He grabs a towel and stands there, holding it out for me when I’m ready.
“Do you want me to turn around?” he asks.
I shake my head and I stand, looking at myself in the mirror. I barely recognize myself. There are bruises on my jaw, neck, and along my side where Bryan kicked me.
Was I so desperate for love before that I convinced myself that this was it? I always prided myself on being strong and independent. Knowing when to say no, but somehow, I let Bryan manipulate me and pull me away from my friends.
“It was never this bad before. He never hit me so much. We were together for three years. I just don’t understand how...” I trail off and then continue in a low voice, “tonight was the worst it’s ever been.” I don’t remember the specifics but I’m confident in this statement. I wasn’t as under his thumb before as I was this time. Before, I was able to confidently leave.
Charlie wraps the towel around me and envelopes me in a hug, holding me tight against his chest. I feel him press his cheek to the top of my head, the tension leaving his own body. Just holding me serves as the reassurance we both need that I’m here and I can get through this.
He helps me out of the tub and gives me clothes to wear. They’re his clothes: one of his favorite shirts that I would steal often and a pair of shorts. I feel comfortable, like his clothes are a type of armor. We head over to the bed and Charlie doesn’t push anything. He leaves the option open to me to curl against him, and I do. I keep my back to his chest, leaving a spot for the kittens, like we used to do. His arms fold around me, tentatively at first. He seems to be testing the waters to make sure I’m comfortable with the contact before tightening his arms, which lets me know I’m safe as I fall asleep.
Chapter 26
WhenIwakeinthe morning I’m alone and confused, but the vicious memory of the night before comes back immediately. From behind the closed door of the bedroom, I hear two men arguing.
“So, that’s it? You’re taking her back? After everything, including the dramatics last night? What even happened?” Jack’s voice is sour.
“I swear, Jack, you’re my oldest friend but if you say one more fucking word about her, I am going to kick your ass.” Charlie’s voice is deadly. I can’t imagine he’ll take kindly to it when I tell him about all the shit that Jack has been pulling the past several months. We never got around to that conversation, and I wish we had.
“What happened?” Jack asks again.
I hear the sound of one of the stools from the island scraping against the floor as one of them settles into it. Mochi starts to nibble at my hair and I pull her away, settling her back on my chest.
“Open your fucking eyes. She has bruises all over her face and neck. She has bruises on her ribs. She didn’t give me details but from what I can see, he kicked her. I know you’ve never liked her, but man, you’re heartless if you expect me to just throw her out. I told you I love her and that should be the end of it.” Charlie lets out a shaky breath. “If I ever get my hands on him, I hope Vivian will take on a murder case, because I will put him in the ground.”
The bed creaks as I get out of it and go into the bathroom, taking my time and moving a little slowly. When I emerge into the kitchen, holding my head high, I find Jack is still there. His eyes linger on the bruises on my neck.
“Vivian is on her way,” he says awkwardly, unable to meet my eyes as he focuses on the bruises on my face and neck.
“He wasn’t trying to kill me, if that's what you’re thinking.”
Jack flinches and it gives me satisfaction in a way I hadn’t expected.
“I’m…” Jack can’t find any words.
“Save it, Jack. I didn’t realize you hated me that much.”
Charlie’s eyes flick to me. “What do you mean by that?” he asks, slowly.
I cross my arms over my chest, nostrils flaring. “Ask your ‘best friend’ what I mean by that.” I let my anger fuel me and keep me upright, knowing that if I run out of adrenaline and allow myself to stop and think about last night, I will collapse. If I think about the damage to my psyche, let alone my body, all that is fueling me to stand will just disappear and I will be a puddle on the floor.
Charlie looks at Jack. He’s starting to make connections that he doesn’t want to see. Charlie’s jaw clenches while he studies his friend’s face. “Jack?” he asks, uncertain.