She’s mine, dead or alive.
one
ROWEN
Three months later
How doyou live when your heart has been ripped out of your fucking body?
I don’t feel like I’m living. I barely even feel alive. Numbness consumes me.
I’m so tired of feeling like this. It’s been three months since that night in the basement when we turned our backs and let the smoke swallow Tate’s body. She was already dead when we left her, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I do right now. We turned our backs on her.
Iturned my back on her.
I listened to the voices of others when I should’ve listened to my own. Now, I can’t stop thinking about how different things could’ve been.
I should’ve trusted her; I should’ve known better.
But it’s too late now. There’s no going back in time. I can’t change the decisions we made…the decisionsImade. I’ve been shunned and forced to live in my own personal form of hell.
I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can barely even fucking breathe.
I hate living without her. I shouldn’t be living without her, not like this. This is too permanent.
Why do I get to live and she doesn’t? She had been through hell just like I have, and I’m still standing, while she’s not.
I don’t want to live in a world where she doesn’t exist.
My desperate need to feel something brings me back to the same place five nights a week—an underground fight club.
I’m in the ring every chance I can get. I never fight back, even though I know I can take my opponents and win. But I don’t want to win. I need to feel something, and the pain of getting my ass kicked allows me just that. This is the only time I feel alive.
The fight club is where I’m at tonight. I’m sitting on the sidelines and waiting for the current fight to end. The octagon ring in the middle of the room is now occupied by two others fighting. It will continue until one of them passes out, and I’ll get my chance to step in and take on the winner.
They’re both smaller than me, and I could take them on easily, but I need to be hit. I need the pain of a fist connecting with my face or any other part of my body. I fucking need it as much as a junkie needs their next fix.
I never fight back. I’m afraid if I do, the beast within me will be unleashed, and I’ll likely kill whoever I end up getting my hands on. There’s too much anger and regrets to risk my rage. For now, I’ll bury it down and let it fester.
Soon, I’ll get my revenge on the person who deserves it the most.
“We have a winner! Vixen is undefeated for the twentieth fight in a row!” the busty pixie-cut blonde announces into the microphone as she walks around the ring, showing off the winner.
Vixen.What a stupid ass fucking name. But she’s right. He’s been undefeated for twenty fights in a row. I don’t think it’s because he’s good, but because he’s a twisted bastard who always goes for the cheap thrill shot. There are no rules down here, and he always goes for the punch that’ll bring his opponent to their knees. This gives him the opportunity to knock them out. He’s lucky I don’t fight back.
The woman’s voice fades into the background as the crowd erupts into roaring cheers. I’m next, and my heart is already beating with the anticipation of getting to feel the physical pain. I’m fucking craving my next fix.
I stand from the bench I’m sitting on and chug down the water in my bottle. My eyes narrow in on Vixen, who’s walking around proudly in the ring; no doubt waiting for me.
Then I stretch out my aching joints and jump around a few times to shake off the stiffness. I’m still bruised and aching from the beating I took the night before last, but I’m not going to let that stop me from being here tonight.
I’m about to take a step forward when I feel a hand grab my shoulder and stop me in my tracks. I turn, facing one of the two people I don’t care to see or speak to.
“What the fuck are you doing here, King?” I snap, shrugging away from his grip. We haven’t spoken much sincethatnight. The three of us still have our businesses together, but we avoid each other at all costs.
I haven’t seen King or Eli in weeks. I haven’t been able to go back to the cabin where King stays or the penthouse Eli lives in. I’ve been staying at one of the other apartment buildings we own. Communication between the three of us hasn’t been necessary, so I haven’t talked to either of them.
The two of them disgust me. They act as if she never even existed.