“I want you to look at me,” he said, climbing back on the bed.
I awaited a restless, brutal thrust as he positioned himself above me, parting my legs, but he slid inside me slowly, inch by inch. A muffled pant of satisfaction left his lips, and I wrapped my arms around him as his moves became rhythmic, my moans drowning out the music.
“I’ll never let you go,” he whispered, and without warning, he pulled me up, and rested his back against the headboard. “Take what willalwaysbe yours, baby doll.”
I rose on my knees, and fell back on top of him, my fingers on his jaw and my mouth on his forehead. I closed my eyes, breathless and feverish, basking in the luxury of his unrestrained affection.
A sudden injection of courage ignited my senses. Thomas let me feed off his strength time and time again, and at some point, I learned how to summon that feeling. I pushed Adrian away.
“I can’t. I’m here to help you stay clean. I loved you for a long time, but that’s in the past now.”
He grazed his nose against mine, his eyes closed. “I know you’re scared, but I love you, puppet. I want you to fall back in love with me. I won’t give up.” He moved away and outstretched his hand behind my head. “Let me hold you. Just for a while.”
I rested my cheek on his chest, unease clouding my vision. Adrian pressed his lips to my hair, stroking my arm, and whispered how much he missed and loved me.
It was like a dream: a distant, tiring dream.
Despite the nightmare he dragged us through, he never lost the ability to lure me into a false sense of security. My mind and body were programmed to give in to him every time.
“I may only be given, but never bought,” he breathed, brushing his fingers over my collarbones. “Sinners seek me, but saints need me not. What am I, puppet?”
Adrian loved riddles. He tormented me with the silliest ones when we were at the beginning of our relationship. They were always short, and the answer was funny because he did what he could to make me smile.
This riddle was different. It wasn’t supposed to bring a smile to my lips. No, this one was serious. It portrayed his vulnerability.
I knew the answer but refused to say it out loud. Adrian forgot that what he wanted had to be earned.
CHAPTER 4
THOMAS
Hans always worries
On Friday, three weeks after the girl i never wanted to lose left, I woke up bright and early… in the afternoon.
Since Adrian kissed her head last week, I spiralled out of control once more. The reality was too much to take; instead of brushing my teeth, I drank the rest of vodka straight from the bottle and lit a cigarette. The house was a mess, which, considering that the cleaning lady visited on Tuesday, was quite an accomplishment.
A small, blue light flashed on my cell, prompting me to check who I ignored in the last twenty-four hours. Twenty-seven calls waited on the screen. Most were from Nick, some from Scorpio and two from my mother—none of which I wanted to return. There were however, seven missed calls from Claudia. She called two hours earlier. The fact she tried so many times got me worried.
Claudia rarely called for a chit-chat unless Maya exceeded her expectations when it came to causing mayhem. All other times she rang when she needed help, whether it was babysitting, a DIY project or sometimes even shopping when they were both out of action with the winter cold. I redialled her number and turned the speaker on, too lazy to make an effort and hold the phone to my ear.
“Finally,” Claudia clipped. “What’s going on with you? Why haven’t you picked up my calls earlier?”
“I was busy.” Busy being unconscious after I passed out on the couch the night before. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing now,” she said, annoyed.
Good. I was in no shape to do anything productive. Or unproductive for that matter. I was disgraceful. For three years I hadn’t missed a single day at work. Hell, I worked evenings, nights and weekends when situation required it. When Nick and I started the company, I barely slept for weeks.
Since I stopped mourning Adam, I was on my best behaviour when it came to controlling my alcohol intake. Now, I was back to drinking every waking moment of the day. I hadn’t hit the gym in weeks or ate anything apart from greasy take-away. My body was going to thank me for it, for sure.
“I hoped you could look after Maya this afternoon. My boss asked me to work late, but I already called Richard,” Claudia said. “He’ll take care of her.”
Like hell. Maya was the one thing left in my life worth suffering a hangover to get back in shape.
“No, he won’t.” I sat straight, the headache about to begin. “I’ll pick her up from nursery and take her over to my place.”
There was no way I would let Richard monopolise the last ray of hope left in my miserable life. Since he showed up, I hardly spent any time with Maya. I needed a fucking break. My body needed a break from drinking, my mind from thinking about Nadia. Maya was the best distraction, and I wanted to kick my ass for not thinking about her sooner.