Now I’m angry more than anything else. I don’t care who likes me or making sure they feel comfortable in my presence.
Fuck them all. Fuck the world that did this to me.
And also just fuck in general, because that’s literally all I want to do. I want it so bad, it actually hurts.
I’m beginning to suspect I might be headed into my first rut. From the little I know, I think Theoden set me off. I couldn’t scent his order, but maybe he was disguising himself for more than being at Drakewood. He could very well be going into pre-heat. If only I knew more. I guess that’s why I’m here. To learn how alphas operate—especially female alphas.
What’s going to happen to me?
I let out another strangled sob and bury my face in my hands. Fuck my life.
“Amber, is that you?” a stern woman’s voice calls from the doorway. A woman. What’s she doing here?
I grab some toilet paper from the roll and begin blotting at my face. “Um, yeah,” I answer, because it’s clear I’m going to have to.
I watch it through the tiny crack beside the stall door, catching sight of the woman intruding on my moment of solitude. The door swings shut behind her. Her heels click over the marble floor then stop immediately outside my door. “Amber, would you please come out and talk to me?”
“Who are you?” I croak, my throat raw from all the crying and subsequent dehydration.
“Dr. Lacey Black. I’m the director here at Drakewood. Although the staff and students usually refer to me as the warden.”
Another woman? Here? Well, at least I won’t be the only one, I guess. As one of seven sisters, I am much more comfortable with other females. And if Warden Black is an alpha too, maybe she can help me navigate what’s happening with me.
I blot at my face some more, blow my nose, then toss the tissue in the toilet and flush. When I open the door, the warden looks me up and down, nodding her approval.
“Hello, Amber. Welcome to Drakewood.” She gives nothing more away, though her potent scent engulfs me. The spicy heat of black pepper and the warmth of sandalwood assault my senses in an unexpected way. Her dominating presence digs under my skin. I want to avoid getting any closer.
I scoff at her attempt to intimidate me and move past her to study my reflection in the mirror overhanging the sink. My shadow and liner runs down my cheeks in dark rivulets, giving me a ghoulish appearance. Mother would kill me if she saw me like this, but she’s not here right now—and if I’m lucky, I’ll never have to see her again.
Now that I know I’m an alpha, beauty doesn’t matter quite so much. I need to present myself as tough, confident, and in control, which is rather difficult to do while the evidence of my tears and breakdown mar my face. Realizing this, I straighten to my full height and turn to meet Warden Black’s eyes directly. “Thanks for the welcome, but I’m not exactly thrilled to be here.”
She chuckles softly under her breath, her stern expression breaking. “No one ever is.”
I take a moment to drink in and assess the warden. Her impossibly pale complexion, a feat that is difficult to pull off in California, tells me she must never see the outdoors. Dark hair falls over her shoulders in well-groomed, trendy layers, but her overplucked eyebrows remind me of the preferred style of a bygone era. She wears no cosmetics to soften her harsher features—the too-large nose that would benefit from some contouring, the squinty eyes that could be opened up with a bit of white liner applied to the tear line. She could be attractive if she tried, but something tells me that doesn’t matter to Director Lacey Black.
Maybe beauty is seen as weakness in the world of alphas?
I want to ask but something stops me from letting the words pass my lips. Omegas seek guidance, just as I was raised to do. But if I’m going to make it in alpha academy, I’ll have to throw away everything I’ve ever known, ever learned, ever been trained to think.
Alphas don’t ask. They don’t question. They just do.
If I can’t even lead my own life, how am I supposed to help lead a pack?
Maybe Drakewood isn’t the worst place for me after all. It could be my only chance to learn what’s expected of my new order without facing extreme judgment or ridicule. Although judging from the welcome I got on those steps, I may be unable to escape them anyway.
It still beats staying with Mother. That’s my constant internal refrain.
What she tried to do to me…
What happened to Jade as a result…
It’s too much. I can’t even think about it without breaking down all over again.
“What do you want?” I finally ask the silent woman in front of me, stepping back into my power now that I’ve had time to remember what’s important.
“To help you.” Her expression softens but only for a brief moment before returning to its stern mask.
Despite her flicker of sincerity, I don’t trust her. I can’t really trust anyone. Not yet. Still she seems to be the only option I have right now, unless I want to spend the entire term locked in an empty bathroom.