Ben puts an arm over my shoulders and turns to leave.
My eyes zoom to Archer. His words are all over the place right now. His heart, though, hasn’t wavered. He wants me. I can feel it. But Miles has become filled with so much hatred and anger, I hardly recognize him. I can’t be here anymore.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble before letting Ben sweep me away.
This pack is broken, but not because of me. They were already like this when we found each other. They just didn’t know it yet. Well, at least I don’t need to feel guilty anymore. Not about them. Not about this.
Noah navigates his truck through the woods until finally we reach the dirt road that will lead us away from this cursed place where we came together and then fell apart.
“Where are we going?” I ask from my seat between the two men in the front of the cab. All my things are at the house in Anchorage, but that’s Archer’s place and I doubt we’ll be welcome there now.
“Away,” Noah answers simply, unwilling to remove his eyes from the road.
Ben grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “We’ll hole up at a hotel for a while until we figure out our next steps.”
“What next steps?” Noah’s hands tighten on the wheel until his knuckles turn white. “We don’t really have any options at this point.”
Ben raises our joined hands and gives the back of mine a kiss. Now that we’re away from the source of our conflict, his voice is smooth and kind once more. “Archer may have started the business, but we’ve learned along the way and now we’ve got the same skills he has. We can set up our own operation. Save up money and apply for pack status. We have two alphas and an omega. We just need to find a third alpha. It won’t be that bad if we’re willing to be patient.”
Noah lets out an irritated sigh. “No, you don’t get it.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, rubbing my free hand over Noah’s shoulder. He flinches at my touch. “You can tell us. Whatever happens next, we’re all in this together now.”
He lets out a slow breath and shakes his head. “Even if we can save up money, even if we can find another alpha, it won’t be enough.”
Instead of pressing for more information, I wait for him to go on. He’s clearly working toward something that’s difficult for him. How much will his next words shake everything up again?
His voice cracks. “You wanted me to knot you. You begged me, and I didn’t. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I can’t, because…” His words trail away before he can finish his confession, but I’ve already heard it loud and clear.
“Because you’re not an alpha,” I finish for him. Of course. Why didn’t I see it before? With the temper flare-ups and the fact that the scent of his pheromones never fades. I took suppressants long enough to recognize the signs. I should’ve already known. I hid my omega nature while he’s faking an alpha’s biology.
Noah laughs, though it sounds like he wants to cry. He’s finally let his guard down with us and seems genuinely terrified of what we’ll think of him now. “You think it’s bad being a down-on-his-luck alpha? At least Archer found a way out. Omegas are in such high demand, they can still find packs, regardless of what kind of family they’re born into. But nobody wants to be liable for a poor-as-dirt beta. When Archer invited me to be a part of the new pack he was forming, I saw my chance. I already had the connections from drug-running. I found someone who could hook me up with the testosterone supplements I needed and the phony pheromones, and none of you ever questioned me. Because why would I lie about it? Alphas have a hard time understanding how it is for anyone else. How much we have to surrender of ourselves, because it’s an alpha world and all the rest of us are simply living in it. I’m not mad at you for keeping your secret, Violet. I understand it, probably better than anyone. I was angry at first, because your admission caught me off guard, because I was worried it would bring my own secret to light. But you know what? Who the fuck cares anymore? Archer is an asshole, and Miles is his perfect little pet. It was getting harder and harder to fake like I belonged. And the way Miles talked to you? That was the last fucking straw. I’m done. Just done.”
“That juice you always have with you,” I say, still working out this puzzle in my head, trying to identify all the pieces I missed along the way.
“My proprietary blend of beta blockers. I’m done with all that shit now though. It’s not worth it when our pack is this fucked up all on its own. I hate feeling like I’m not in control of my moods and reactions, especially with you, Violet.”
Both Noah and Ben are acting as if they’re fine striking out on our own, but the three of us together have even fewer options than any of us would on our own. As a single omega, I could go to my old prep school and ask for a job. It wouldn’t be much, but they’d give me a place to live, food to eat. Ben has the most options, but he also seems the most committed to protecting our trio. Alpha instinct isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes we need that leadership and protection to find our way.
“Maybe Archer and Miles just need some time to cool off. Maybe they’ll have a change of heart,” I offer hopefully. I hate to throw myself at their mercy, but what better option do we have? I fell for each member of this pack. Miles said things that hurt me, but I know he’s hurting now too. If he can forgive me, then surely I can find a way to forgive him.
“We aren’t taking them back,” Ben snaps with an air of finality that brooks no further argument. “I made a mistake, but Archer’s made lots of them too. At least I’m taking responsibility for what I did. Trying to make things right.”
“By running away?” I appreciate his stance, but I also wonder if he’s thinking clearly with everything that’s happened today.
He sighs and lets go of my hand. “It’s not running away, you know that. He told me to leave.”
“But you’re an alpha too. Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?” An omega isn’t supposed to push her alpha, but our fractured pack isn’t much for rules. That much is obvious given our current predicament. If I need to be the voice of reason here, I’ll happily step up.
Ben’s eyes appear glassy, as if he too may cry. It’s been one hell of a day for all of us. “What do you want from me, Violet? I did what I had to to make sure you’re okay.”
“But I’m not okay. None of us are okay. We’ve all made mistakes, don’t you see? We can forgive each other. We can move past it. We belong together. All of us.”
Ben sucks air in through his teeth and turns away. “That’s sweet, but it’s not realistic.”
“Because of your big alpha egos?” I challenge. “Noah, you know I’m right about this. Please tell him.”
Noah turns to me briefly, a frown peeking through his thick beard. “Not everything can be fixed with nice words or hot sex. Some things are meant to stay broken.”