Theadora’s eyes narrowed slightly. “You are going to stick around Bridesmere, I hope?”
“For sure. This is my heritage. Cian needs to be here.”
“It’s a perfect place for children.” She inclined her head. “What about Ethan?”
It had been a week since we connected, and while my body cried out for more, my heart had decided to let my mind call the shots. “He’s too unsteady to be a permanent fixture.”
She jerked her head back. “You make him sound like a piece of furniture.”
“You know what I mean.” I sighed.
“You’ve got it all wrong, Bel. He’s into this.”
“By this, you mean fatherhood?”
“More than that.” She brushed a strand from her face. “He was gutted when you cut him out of your life. You should give him a chance.”
I looked down at my freshly painted toenails. After that afternoon at the Pond, I’d started to take more interest in my appearance. “Has he told you we got together the other night?”
“He did tell us.” She wore a delicate smile. “But only because he was confused about you and how you keep shutting him out.”
I sighed. After not responding to his invite to dinner, there was no doubt I was being tough on him. “I’m just trying to protect myself and Cian. I mean, what happens when Ethan tires of me and Cian’s gotten used to having him around?”
Theadora gave me a sad smile. “Oh, Mirabel, you’re worse than me. I was very guarded too. But I slowly allowed Declan in, and he’s turned out to be the light of my life.”
“But that’s Declan. He’s always been the reliable one.” I recalled Declan holding down an injured cow while the vet tried to sedate the poor creature when my father had broken his arm.
“Ethan’s crazy about you, Bel. Just go with the flow.”
Warmth radiated out of every pore in my body.
“Why don’t you let him buy you a home? For you and Cian. He showed me a gorgeous cottage. It’s so lovely. He can afford it. It’s actually at the end of the laneway. Why don’t we go for a walk? I can show you.”
After that conversation with Ethan, I’d finally accepted that my tiny, dark flat was not a good place to bring up a child. I decided against renovating and chose to move instead.
But him buying us a home?
I started to hate this trenchant independence that had become a heavy weight on my shoulders. Why couldn’t I just say, “Yes, buy us the biggest, prettiest house you can find”?
My grandmother had drummed into me the importance of us women having our own money and control. That view was largely informed by my grandfather leaving when she was pregnant with my mother. She never trusted men after that and called them heartbreakers. My father wasn’t like that, I’d always reminded her. She claimed he was simply that rare exception.
Perhaps my granny’s persistent distrust towards men had seeped into my DNA. And now here I was, not only fighting with my heart, but also knocking back money that Ethan could well afford to give our son a secure future.
Theadora gestured for me to follow her. “Come on, Bel. It’s a nice day. What harm can it do to have a peek?”
I smiled. “I could use a walk.”
“Mary’s here.” Theadora wore a guilty smile. “I’ve got a maid. Gives me time to teach. There’s a school concert coming up. I have ten children performing Mozart.”
“It’s a great idea. I’m rubbish at domestics. I’m often lost in my music, reading, or going on cliff walks. There are so many other things that fill my day. I’d get help if I had the spare cash.”
That was a guilty admission, given the hard time I gave Ethan after he suggested doing just that. At his expense, of course.
“It’s fantastic.” Theadora shrugged into a cardigan. “I’m not great either. I get caught up in what I’m doing. I love having a clean space, though. And she cooks too. I’m so lucky.”
Her contagious smile swept me along.
Yes. That could be me.