“Sure, we can talk about that too. It’s all wrapped up in the same shit tortilla, Mom.”
“Your language,” she chides.
Lily’s leg nudges mine under the table, so I sit back and take in a deep breath. I must pace myself.
“Okay, yes. I would like to apologize to you for my behavior. I never meant to embarrass you or our family,” I say.
“It’s your father’s name, Theo. Shameful.” She takes another sip of her tea, settling in now. My mom is good at conflict. I’ve often thought she needs it to survive, as though it somehow replaced all the joy she had when dad was alive.
My eyes flutter closed, and I fight to stay focused and not go off the rails with her.
“Like I said. I apologize. I’m sorry you had to see that.”
She slides her hand across the table toward me and I sit forward to meet her halfway. Her warm palm slides over my knuckles and she pats the top of my hand twice.
“Thank you, Theo. That means a lot. You should probably apologize to Neil too.”
I can feel her eyes on me, but I keep mine firmly planted on the top of her hand. This is going to get ugly.
Lily’s foot slides next to mine and she leaves it there. I let my shoulders relax with her show of strength.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about, Mom. Neil. Why is he here?”
Her hand slides away from mine, back to the comfort of her warm teacup. She cradles it where it sits on the table and levels me with her well-practiced indignation. Pursed lips, narrowed eyes, elbows in close—this is her defensive stance.
“Because he’s my husband, Theo. And we’ve decided to work through things and be here for one another.” She doesn’t even blink as she says those words.
I suck in my lips, then let them go with a pop and a sigh.
“Ohhhh-kayyy. Mom, I can’t do this.” I get up from my chair and pace halfway around the table, ignoring Lily’s warning stare. I need to move. Moving is the only thing keeping me from saying hurtful things.
“You threw Neil out, Mom. Less than a year ago. You threw him out. Do you remember?” My voice is raised, but I can’t help it.
“Couples fight, Theo,” she defends.
“No, Mom.” I shake my head and grab the back of the chair across the table from her. I hold the carved knobs in my palms and squeeze so hard I could snap them off. I stop short of picking the chair up and slamming it back down in frustration. “This wasn’t a fight. You kicked Neil out because of something he did to Anika.”
My mom starts shaking her head, so I start rubbing mine.
“You’re mistaken, Theo. Honey, you don’t know everything that goes on in my life.”
“Maybe not, Mom. But I know a lot about my sister’s. And I know she was the reason you sent Neil away.” I glance to Lily, and she nods once to give me courage.
“Do you mean that journal she had?” My mom’s response rips me right back down to earth, and I drop my gaze to her.
“What journal?” I seethe.
“Ha, you don’t even know about the journal. Theo, you’re tired. And I got the call from the headmaster this morning so I know you’ve gone through the disciplinary meeting. That’s where this is coming from. You’re stressed.”
I shake my head through her entire speech.
“No, Mom. That’s not what this is. What journal?” My pulse is rattling my ribcage, my heart an angry beast trying to break out.
“Annie had an active imagination, and she wrote these stories. I found the book a day or two before the accident, and I warned her about having stuff like that written down. It seemed she was blaming Neil for a lot of her issues in school, the drinking and the wild behavior.”
“Mom,” I utter. I rush to the chair on her other side and slide it close to her, sitting down and forcing her hands into mine. “What did you do with that journal?”
My body is buzzing with adrenaline, and my knee is bobbing at my mom’s side.