I spin to find him standing a dozen feet from me.How is he so silent?My brow pulls in so tight I bet I could hold a penny in the crease above the bridge of my nose. I’m both sad and angry. He wasn’t supposed toactuallyhear me. But also, he deserves to.
“You pissed me off.” I fold my arms over my chest, my goggles dangling from my wrist and my earplugs and cap gripped in my fist.
“Good. You pissed me off.” His arms cross his chest, his hands tucked under his biceps that completely fill the sleeves of his gray Welles T-shirt. It’s distracting and I blink my eyes free of the visual, forcing myself to—shit—stare into his incredible eyes.
“You can’t just copy what I say and make that your argument. This is stupid.” I shake my head and turn my body so I’m not directly facing him as I do my best to pretend I’m blocking him from my mind. He’s all over my mind, though. He’s in my head, and he’s stealing my oxygen. Now, he’s poisoned the pool.
“You and James.” That’s all he says. I get the gist, even if my low self-esteem denies it. This is about jealousy. I can’t believe it’s truly about him liking me. It can’t be. It has to be more about staking a claim.
“Youand James. There!” I growl. He flinches a touch and his brows pinch. “I’m repeating things, just like you’re doing. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?”
My cap isn’t opening the way I want it to, probably because my hands are trembling.
“Gah!” I throw it down on top of my bag. My earplugs are still nestled in my palm, and if I were truly bold, I’d put them in my ears right now and mock him. The visual in my head amuses me, and it must show on my lips.
“What’s funny?”
I laugh under my breath at his question and shake the plugs in my hand as if they’re dice.
“Nothing is funny, Theo. That’s the point.This?” I point between me and the pool then do the same to the space between me and him. “It’s so far from funny. It’s torture. I don’t know how to do any of it, and for a while, only a few months ago, I thought I did. I was becoming a better version of me, and now—”
“I don’t know what to do about the way I feel.”
My eyes jet to his the second his confession hits the air. His arms fall limp at his sides. His eyes slope with the weight of stress, with pain, and with something else. It’s that something else that has my heart bruising the insides of my body. He almost looks . . . lovesick. My skin is numb. My lips . . . numb. I don’t know how to respond to him.
“Are you hurting?” I relax my muscles and tilt my head, holding his gaze and trying not to blink.
He chuckles at my question.
“Yeah, Lily. I’m hurting. All the fucking time. But that’s not what I meant. Or maybe it is.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I shout, shaking my hands out at my sides.
He sucks in his lower lip and shuts his eyes.
“I can’t stand the idea of someone else touching you.” His lashes lift enough to shed light on his blue-diamond eyes. The beam. I’m pierced by them.
“Nobody is touching me, Theo.” My voice is raspy, and quivers with my nerves.
“He is. In here,” Theo says, pointing to his head.
“James?” I ask.
Theo nods slowly, his eyes steady on mine. His finger slides from his temple and he takes a cautious step forward. My knees threaten to give out, and the idea of leaping into the pool and swimming away from him passes through my mind. Perhaps I’d make it the entire distance to avoid this threat. To avoid really giving in and allowing myself to want, to have.
“I hate shopping.”
Theo’s lip ticks up slightly on one side.
“Yeah?”
I nod.
My body is buzzing and my breath hitches, and for a moment, it’s that night again. Not the awful part, but the hours before. The air between us crackles with hope and anticipation. All the while, Theo inches closer to me.
“I liftedwaymore than I normally do tonight. Probably going to have some injuries to nurse from it. Had to pile more on than James because—”
“Because in your head he was touching me?” My face and neck warm at the words I just spoke, but when Theo licks his lips and nods slowly, the gamble was worth it.