“Brooklyn, let it go. She just got shit on. Maybe let her recover before you give her a lesson?” Morgan’s hand slides to the side on the table toward Brooklyn and their eyes meet for some silent bargaining. They’ve been close for so long they can do this, have these conversations in silence that I’ll never quite understand. I envy it yet in a way I’m glad to be on the outside.
Brooklyn takes a deep breath then lets her eyes close, her nostrils flaring as she breathes out. She nods then opens her eyes on me.
“Morgan’s right. I’m sorry, Lily. I just can’t let him treat you that way. He has no idea what you did for me. For Morgan. What you tried to do for—”
“It’s fine,” I interrupt, cutting her off before she utters Anika’s name.
“And thank you,” I add. I push my mouth into a soft smile, but inside, I’m fighting tears. If today is any indication of how the rest of this semester is going to go, I’ll never survive.
Chapter10
Theo
There’s a chapel on campus. Welles cut ties with its Presbyterian affiliation decades ago. It became an issue for one of the major donors to the school, a former graduate who had strayed far from God.
A politician.
Since those days, mandatory chapel has turned into optional, and more recently, into rare. Religion has never been much of a thing in the Rothschild family. We claim to be Christians, or our mother does because her mother was, but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been in a church. That number would be zero if it weren’t for a wedding and two funerals, including our father’s.
I barely remember burying my dad. We were eight, and Anika always carried more of the memories than I did. Call it ADHD or simply being a boy with idle time, I was often too busy in my own messy worlds to focus on the present, even that day in the church. I cried, but more over the fact my fishing buddy was gone. I didn’t get it—my dad died.I didn’t get it until our mom started dating Neil, and then it became abundantly apparent how different he was from the man I lost.
We were ten when Neil moved in. I can’t remember much of my dad’s funeral, but I fucking remember every second of Neil taking over our house.
There’s a layer of dust on the pews in the Welles chapel, a sign of apathy. I drag my finger along one of the arms then step into the row, taking a seat. They still bother to keep the lights on in here. It’s a pleasant dim glow. It’s quiet. In here, I can think. Alone.
I’ve spent the entire day avoiding the obvious—I can’t stand that Lily spent the morning with James. Acid has been crawling up my esophagus all day, the root cause clearly stress. James ismyfriend. I staked a claim to him first, and she and I cannot share more people—or places—in common. It feels like my world keeps getting smaller here. My internship, my circle of friends, and now my apparentsecret lair!She’s like a Goddamned invader.Sorry, can I think that word in this place?
I pull one of the hymnals from the back of the pew in front of me and flip through the pages. Someone drew a naked woman on the very first page and the sight makes me chuckle. We’re all a bunch of heathens in this place. I drop the book back into place and pull my phone from my pocket to check the time. My mom has called a few times today and I haven’t picked up. I worry about her constantly. My sister’s death changed her, as if she died with Anika and left a carbon copy behind that was programmed differently. She’s gotten into volunteering for ridiculous non-profits, like this one group made up of women who want to preserve the old light posts on our street in Charlestown.
Anika would have made fun of that. My sister was passionate about actual causes, like world hunger and health care for impoverished countries. She wanted to join Greenpeace and take some gap time before college. Maybe she just wanted to run away, like me. Her way always sounded more noble, though.
My thumb slides to call my mom and I stand to pace, already pinching my brow and preparing myself for her.
“Oh, hi,” she answers, mid-giggle. She must be out with the streetlamp ladies.
“Hi, Ma. Sorry I missed your calls.”
“Shhh, stop.” She’s muffled the phone.
“If it’s not a good time, Mom—”
“I’ll be right back.” She’s still covering the phone, but that voice she’s trying to block out cuts through and it’s unmistakable.
“Hi, Theo.” She’s putting on the sing-songy voice, hoping I don’t lose my shit. I’m going to lose my shit.
“Why is Neil with you?” I pace faster. I may wear a path in the aged carpet in this place if I keep this up.
“What?”
She’s still trying to evade and pretend.
“Ma, I heard him. Please don’t pretend.”
Her heavy sigh vibrates in my ear, and I pull my phone away from my head and place her on speaker. I set the phone down on the altar and rest my palms on either side, leaning into it and staring at the photo of my mom that comes up when we talk on the phone. That’s Neil’s body I cropped out of that photo. That’s his arm draped around her possessively. Those are his chubby fingers.
“He was simply checking in, Theodore.” She uses my full name when she wants to exact her authority. It’s infuriating.
“He said he’d be right back. Where is he coming back to? Are you out somewhere? Is he coming back to our house?” I’m in a mental spiral picturing him moving things around to suit his tastes, making himself comfortable, worming his way back into my mom’s life. She finally got him out, though she wouldn’t file actual divorce papers.