That’s the only scenario running through my mind, and I can’t get past that endless cycling loop.
Chris places his hand on my lower back, and we rush to his car, getting soaked in the process. Chris keeps peering over at me while he drives, his concern for me is warranted. I know I’m not in a good headspace. I know I’m not thinking clearly. But what can I do about it?
Maybe seeing Aiden and talking to him will change things. Maybe Aiden can help me understand why I’m thinking this way? I don’t want to be like this anymore. I love Aiden, and that will never change.
Pulling into the parking garage, I muster all the energy I have to steady my nerves, or at least, make an effort to do so as Chris gets out of the car. Taking deep, calming breaths, I watch as he walks around to my door where he takes my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. Stepping to the elevator, the panic flooding my veins suddenly overwhelms me.
I turn to Chris shaking my head adamantly. “I can’t do this,” I blurt out, pulling out of his grip and backing toward the car.
“Jeni. Stop!” Chris urges. He takes hold of my arm at the elbow and halts me in my tracks. “Jeni, listen to me… you need to
see him. Tell him how you feel, and then you can either move on or start to work things out. He deserves to know either way. It’s the right thing to do for you and for Aiden.”
Despite feeling like my heart is ready to burst, I know Chris is right. With a deep sigh, I gather any remaining courage and walk with Chris back to the elevator. Stepping in, I use my key card, and he lets go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly to him for support. It’s in this moment I realize how lucky I am to have Chris in my life. Typically, Sarah is the one to help ground me, but right now, she doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from. Hell, I don’t even understand half of it. But Chris, he’s here, not judging, just pushing for what I know needs to be done no matter how hard it is.
He’s like the brother I never had.
I’m grateful because he seems to be the key to keeping me together—my safe place.
“Remember, I’m right here beside you.”
I nod even though my brain is in overdrive. All I can focus on is keeping it together. As we near the apartment, my heart feels like it’s going to burst, and I realize something. This place, the energy tied to it with the recent events all boils down to the loss of something that was so incredibly amazing and with it, the trust and love that was once shared here.
The elevator stops, and so does my heart.
The doors open to a quiet and dark apartment.
Confusion rattles through my mind as we walk into the living room. Chris has yet to release me, and I’m grateful. I think it might be the only thing keeping me together right now. The lights are off, but through the windows, I see Aiden sitting on the balcony with his back facing us.
My breath catches at the sight of him.
There’s a nearly empty whisky bottle on the table and a small glass in his hand. He has a blanket wrapped around him. His hair is disheveled and not in a good way.
Chris starts to walk toward the balcony, taking me with him.
The thought of Aiden turning around and seeing me like this has me wanting to run. “I can’t,” I whisper as fear grips me.
Fear of being hurt?
Fear of me hurting him?
I’m terrified of feeling any more pain than I’ve already been put through. The torment is overwhelming every inch of my being. I am traumatized by my mind.
“Jeni, you have to,” Chris argues loudly. The frustration comes through clearly in his tone, which makes Aiden turn his head and look straight at us.
Aiden’s eyes lock onto mine. His once beautiful sparkling blue eyes are now distant, dull, and full of anguish. He stares right at me, stands, dropping the blanket to the floor. He stumbles once, twice, trying to get inside, but he falls, breaking his whisky glass when he lands.
He struggles to get back to his feet, and then he staggers into the apartment toward Chris and me. The stench of whisky wafts off him in waves as he shuffles toward us.
I can’t move.
I’m stuck to the spot.
My body won’t allow me to do a thing.
I’m so happy to see him.
But devastated to see him this way.