“What do you mean trouble with the other men?”
Carmen winces. “I didn’t mean that.” She waves a dismissive hand.
I square my shoulders. “Well, you wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it. I need to understand. You saidalways having trouble with the other men over his wife.What does that mean?”
Carmen throws her hands in the air. “Well, the fights! There were fights over her. She was a liability because she disapproved. It was always a problem. I’m sorry, I guess you wouldn’t have known. You were just a girl.” She shakes her head. “Well, now you see. It doesn’t work that way. You’re either in or out, and I already suspect you’re out, Sophie.”
My face grows hot as different emotions wash over me. Confusion. Anger with the woman for talking about me and my parents. And then dread. Was the fight that ended my father’s life over my mom? Is that what Carmen is saying?
Pain lances through my chest. Was it my mom’s bias that ended my father’s life, took him from us forever? A sick sort of dread settles over me.
I’m not going to repeat history. That’s what Carmen is warning me of. I’m not going to demand Joey draw back from the family only to cause a major rift between him and his brother. Between him and the other men, who are his family.
This thing is his very identity. I can’t take that from him.
I won’t curse Joey to the life my father led–being caught between the woman he loves and the organization. I care about him too much.
“No,” I whisper and whirl, searching for my purse to escape.
I stumble out of the house, barely capable of making my goodbyes. My stomach is in knots, and I start crying the moment my car hits the road, tears blurring my vision so much I wish I had wipers for them.
As much as I hate it, I need to break things off with Joey.
I love him, and that’s why I won’t destroy him over my distaste forLa Cosa Nostra.
Better to destroy us before we get any further.
Before he has to choose.
Joey
Sophie’s text comes in when I leave the club.
I’m miscarrying. Don’t come over. I don’t want company.
Cold ice floods my veins. Not my girl. Not my baby. I jump in the car, my jaw as hard as the rock in my gut.
She doesn’t answer the door at first, but I persist with knocking and waiting, then knocking again until the door cracks open, and she peers out. “I said not to come,” she wails as I push through the door without invitation.
“I didn’t listen.”
She wears sweatpants and a thin t-shirt, and her face looks drawn.
“You’re miscarrying? Shouldn’t I take you to the hospital or something?”
“No, Joey. I’m only six weeks along. It’s just like a bad period—cramps and stuff—you know. Well, you don’t know, but yeah, I’m fine.”
Fineapparently meant miserable.
“I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s hard.”
She gives her head a little shake. “No,” she says in a low voice. “It just wasn’t meant to be, Joey. And I’ve been thinking a lot...” She works the engagement ring off her finger and holds it out to me. “I don’t think we’re meant to be either.”
My jaw tightens, and I refuse to take the ring. Fuck that. I’m her man. No way I’m taking that ring back. “Don’t make any decisions today, Soph. Your head’s not in the right place. Just hang onto the ring, and we can talk about it later.”
She bites her lip and looks up at him. “No. I’m sorry, Joey. But I’m sure. I went to Angela’s baby shower, and it really hit home. I don’t want to raise a baby with someone who could end up in prison or murdered. I grew up with that fear, and I can’t do it again. I just can’t.” Her words are strong, but her eyes beg for understanding. “And the thing is—if I know I’m never going to marry you, then we’re just wasting time together. The sex is amazing, but that’s all we have going. So I think we should break up.”
Her words strike like a javelin through the center of my chest. I have to stop myself from staggering backward. I hold my hands out. “Wait, just slow down. Look, it’s too soon in the relationship to decide if you’d marry me or not—we’ve only been dating a month. You were pressured into a decision because you were pregnant, and now that stressor is gone. Let’s just back off any kind of decision-making until we know each other better.”