“No, baby. No.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You have to live your life. But I think it helps to understand where she’s coming from. It’s not malicious.”
“I know that. I know she loves me.” Hadley’s eyes turned to mine. “I know you love me, but I don’t want your loving me to cause you pain.” Her voice broke on the words.
“Love is pain. One can’t exist without the other. The more you expand your heart, the more you have the possibility of being hurt. The deeper you let someone into that space, the more it will kill if anything ever happens to them. That’s life. I shut it off for years after the accident, but I don’t want to anymore. You will always be worth the risk to me.”
A tear slipped out of the corner of Hadley’s eye, cascading down her cheek. “I love you, Calder.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
She buried her face in my chest again, hands fisting in my shirt. I pulled her tighter against me. “Everything’s going to be okay. Maybe not right now, but one day.”
She nodded against my chest. We stood there for…I don’t know how long, Hayes almost standing guard in case Julia decided to return. Finally, Hadley straightened. She brushed any remaining tears from her face. “I need to go for a ride.”
“Okay, let me change, and I’ll go with you—”
She cut me off with a shake of her head. “I need some time to think. It’s been weeks since I’ve truly been alone. I need that. I promise I’ll let you know what trail I end up at, and I’ll take my phone. I just need a little time with my thoughts.”
I studied her carefully. “You’re not running on me, are you?”
She stretched up onto her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to mine. “Never.”
A little of the pressure in my chest released. But not enough. Hadley was worried that her mother’s thoughts had gotten into my head, but I was worried about the opposite—that Hadley might bolt, thinking she was saving me potential pain and heartache.
I slid my hand under her hair, giving it a little tug so her head tipped back. “You know I always beat you at hide-and-seek. I’ll find you.”
Her mouth curved. “Did you ever think I hid in easy spots because Iwantedyou to find me?”
My eyes flared. “You little minx.”
Hadley gave me another quick kiss and pulled away from me. “I’ll be back in an hour or so.”
“Call if you need me.”
“I will.”
I watched her jog to her SUV parked next to mine in the drive and climb in. As she disappeared down the road, I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends. “Hell,” I muttered.
“That would be one word for it,” Hayes agreed.
“You want a drink?” I asked.
“I’m on call, but I wouldn’t say no to a Coke.”
“You got it.” I wished we could go for something stronger. I needed something to take the edge off, but I wouldn’t drink a beer while Hayes had to abstain.
We walked up the path to the house and went inside. I grabbed two sodas from the fridge, handing one to him. “Front porch?”
“Always a fan of a rocker.”
We were quiet for a while as the rockers’ rails made an almost hypnotizing sound against the porch. I took a sip of my cola. “I don’t know how I fix this for her.”
“You can’t.” Hayes stared out at the street. “I used to think I could fix it all, make sure no one I loved ever got hurt, but it’s impossible.”
“Everly a part of you realizing that?”
Even with the heaviness of the last thirty minutes, his fiancée’s name made him smile. “She’s a big part of it. She helped me make peace with the fact that I can’t control everything. That doesn’t mean I won’t try, but I’m able to release a little more when something doesn’t go the way I’ve planned.”
“I need to learn a little of that release.”