“Lili?” I rasp and try clearing my throat.
Her back is facing me, hair up in a messy bun, and her skimpy tank top and shorts showing off a pristine hint of curves, making my thoughts drift to how long it has been since I’ve held her.
“Morning.” She said warmly, her position unmoving by the stove, “take a seat.” She had a coffee mug set out ready to fill.
I did as I was told the same time Lili placed the cup of dark liquid in front of me. She kept her gaze downcast so to not show me her unapproving stare, or so I thought that to be the reason.
Bringing the cup to my lips, I immediately began to shake, damn near scalding myself when I finally took in her appearance; the sight was a punch to my gut unbelieving what I see to be real. I splashed coffee all over the counter then knocked the stool over in my haste to get to her.
I cupped her jaw gently and inspected her lip as my thumb ran over the fresh mark, her breath hitching at the contact. My scowl deepened and I saw red.Who the fuck did this to her?My grip tightened the slightest bit making her eyes widen a fraction. I’m going to kill whoever decided to touch her, mark her, harm her.
*Demons*Oh, don’t you remember, Zander? We mentioned you had fun last night.
*Dismay*No.My stomach sank, blood ran cold as the breath rushed from me.
“Please.” I whisper, “God, please tell me I didn’t-
“It was an accident- ye didn’t do it on purpose.” Lili attempts at pulling away only to find herself ensnared within the confines of my grasp. I’m beside myself; what did she say? I can’t get my mind to work. Then it clicks.
“I hit you?!” I shout, taken aback, withdrawing my hand from her as if burned then I clutch the counter and fight the nausea.This cannot be happening.The dull headache is now a full-blown migraine. Spots dance in my vision, my body breaks out in a sweat, my throat constricts, I’m unable to take in a breath.No, no.This can’t be happening.
*Demons laughter*Ah, but it is. You hurt your precious siren. How can you ever live with yourself? *Tsking* Stooping so low as to harm a woman. How unfortunate. *Sinister* You’re not willing to finish the task we set before you, so now you take it out on others. Who are you anymore, Zander? How long until those you love suffer by your hand?
I’ve gotta get out of here. She is not safe with me, not safe at all.
She shook her head intently, her accent growing thicker, “no, I swear to ye, it was an accident-
“Injuring you isn’t a fucking accident, Lili!” I screech at her confirming my suspicions, my body trembles and I sense my breakdown boiling inside.
There is no way to stop it, I’m unable to hear her protests over the ringing in my ears as an upsurge of nausea takes hold. The room spins and I let go the counter. I’m swaying on my feet as I stumble to the bathroom, my shoulder screams as it connects with the wall,“fuck!”My mouth waters and my breathing turns panicked.
I know what is about to happen.
The plaguing thought of harming her twisted my insides, sending wave after wave of shame washing over me. My knees slammed to the floor, and I made it just in time to lift the lid and retch.
She isn’t safe, no one is safe from me. How could I be so reckless?
*Demons*Lili is better off without you. It’s too bad really, we could’ve had more fun with her, torture her, you’d have no other choice but to watch. *Evil laughter* You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Deep down you do, we know you do, you’re thinking about it right now.
“Shut up! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!”I whimper, unable to stifle the agony expanding to its limits. The demons have free range, their venom and evil schemes constantly plague me. There is no escape to them.
There are no other options for this life but to end it.I can’t live like this.The gauntlet lay before me, and I welcome it.
“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, / that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, / and then is heard no more. It is a tale / told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / signifying nothing.”– Macbeth, Act 5, Scene 5.
* In tears * I’m sorry Owen, so fucking sorry!I failed you. I failed your family; Natasha and Ellie, they need you here, andI took that all away.I’ve taken so much from everyone around me. I’m a murderer, a vial beast with no purpose other than to bring down those I’ve proclaimed a promise to.
I will hurt everyone I love no matter if I live or die. Why suffer? Why continue on in this life of give and take, when I give so much to my friends, my family, and my country, and here I take ever so little from them?
Will I ever see Owen again? Certainly not in this lifetime, what about the next? “Quoth the raven, ‘Nevermore’.”Thanks Edgar Allen Poe.The Ravensaid it best.
This quest before me is at its end. It's time I lay siege from those I love and meet my eternal silence.
*Demons*Yes! There is nothing here for you now. Best to let us help you put an end to this existence. Join us.
*Agony* “Please! Make them stop! They will not stop!”I cup my ears and plead through a sob.
A cool cloth came across the back of my heated neck while a second one swiped at my forehead. Lili knelt beside me, silent and observing as she trailed the cloth down my cheek. I shivered at the contact, unable to move away from the bowl as the tension in my gut signaled there may be more.