My guilt heaving from the billow
No way to relax, breathe, or pause
Chaos seizing hold of the reigns
Control on my lucidity slips
Nothing but anguish floods my veins
Welcome to my apocalypse
Demons squeezing me in their grasp
All I hear is my choking rasp
Defeat Is Near- Alexander(Sonnet)
Three agonizing days without a word from anyone. I’ve sent text after text to Shark with no response and I’ve messaged Lili once every day trying to keep my promise. Overall, the lack of response cuts like a knife and has my demons continuing their wrath.
Through it all,my heart aches.
I could still smell her faint lavender shampoo on my sheets, and the pillow she rested upon is now a lifeline in my arms.
I’m damn near driven insane.
Someone,anyone, fill me in on what the hell is going on.
I should’ve gone with them to do my part in finding the bastard. Alas, I have a business to run and employees who need more participation from their boss, I’ve been too lax these past weeks, I can’t afford to slack anymore.
Talk about being torn in multiple directions.
The stress of everything is too much; I can’t eat, can’t sleep, and when I do pass out from pure exhaustion, my nightmares return, but only this time they are warped and twisted in a way to break me.
It’s Lili I see being attacked and threatened by the vicious beasts inside my mind. The demons enjoy pinning me down, giving me no other choice but to watch their torturing of my precious siren.
Her screams are a residual haunt throughout my waking day.
I don’t have the desire to go home for that is where I last saw her. Even my bar carried the reminder of her; nowhere was safe from thoughts of Liliana Hayes.
Trent asked every day how she was doing, and Ford’s knowing glances and watchful gaze pissed me the fuck off. I don’t need his help.
I just need Lili back.
*Demons*No one wants you, Zander. We are your only friends.
Some friends you are.
Two nights ago, I pondered ending everything, the gun be in my hand and my anthem play on a reel. Endless torture. Would I have gone through with it this time had Ford not intervened? Possibly. The way my demons screamed their menacing trills, I was on the edge of losing it.
I’m deranged.
The only thing that will help throw my demons back in their prison is my siren; therapy sessions will not do me any good and working out is only enough to exhaust me physically. Mentally, I’m as vulnerable as a puppy. I’m fighting a losing battle.
I need her back.
Here on my desk sits a picture of the two of us from her family gathering, it’s sitting here mocking me. I dare not move the picture from view, it might solidify her being out of my life for good.
My weapons were then hidden in places I didn’t know about or outright taken by Ford, and I cannot for the life of me ascertain how I agreed to it. Apparently, this needed to be done.