Best not to think that way.
Across the yard I find Lili, a warm smile lighting her lips and her head thrown back in laughter at something my sister went on about. Four children weaved in and out of the group of adults, chasing one other, lighting an even brighter smile from Lili as she watched.
The littlest one, all of three or so, tripped on someone’s shoe and started to cry. She placed the little girl in her arms, dusted off her dirty knee and soiled hands, then tickled her belly until the toddler’s cries turned to raging giggles. Ready to get back with her friends, she thanked Lili and ran after the older boys, Hank bouncing around with them.
Lili’s beauty is on a scale much deeper than what most see on the outside; she has a deep love for everyone and everything around her, even with her monster lurking within the shadows, Lili is powerful.
Donating her time, her paintings, plus so much of her money and energy on her children’s foundation and other organizations in need, this woman is amazing. She radiates passion and grace with everything she sets her mind to.
It does not matter to me the size of her bank account or the clothing she wears.
Although, those boots and that skirt of hers had me wanting to take her in my office and have my way with her. I’m going to need another sessionvery soonwith her mistress, and that outfit.
Enraptured doesn’t begin to describe how bad I have it.
My thoughts wander to the previous day when she invited me to Easter at her grandma Claire’s. It was in that moment I saw a side to her that solidified my rising feelings and extinguished the lingering tendrils of self-doubt.
Meeting her family and seeing how similar they are to my own, it gave me a sense of calm. They welcomed me in just like I was part of the family. Not once did I want to run.
Okay, maybe in the beginning, but we were kept busy enough with the children to send my nerves on a hike.
Remembering how relaxed she looked with her baby niece placed on her hip brought out my smile here and now for all to see.
For a brief moment I had a thought of her holdingourchild, chasingourdaughter around the yard, kissing her boo-boo’s, dressing her in frilly attire, finger paintings and pictures lining the walls and refrigerator. She’d be an artist just like her mom.
You’re going to scare Lili off if you mention thoughts such as those.Keep it locked away, man.
I wasn’t horrified at the prospect, I welcomed it. For the first time in my life, the thought of having kids of my own, watch as Lili’s body swells with our child, taking late night drives to grab her favorite ice cream, and rubbing her feet after a long exhausting day; it felt purposeful, more than just a fantasy. A chance at a new life, a new destiny.
Is it odd to have these thoughts so soon? Is it all a ruse? My smile says otherwise.
Nothing but wishful thinking, Zander.
“I love seeing that look on you.” A small voice broke me from my trance.
Pulling my gaze away from Lili I peer down to the tiny woman at my side. Mom, dressed in her red Dyngus day hoodie and dark jeans, she stands there with a glittering smile and a knowing twinkle in her eye.
“What look is that?” I ask her, already knowing her answer.
I want to hear her version.
This woman, all four-foot-eleven of her may be tiny but don’t think that stops her. She’s an ambitious person; always helping one person or another in our community, works at the city’s food pantry and organizes many of the farm markets, is active at her church, and she even crochets little hats for the newborn babies at the hospital.
Mom enjoys keeping busy and if one of her children mentioned they werebored, you bet your ass she conjured a task with our name on it.
We learned quick to never utterthatword when around her.
I take one last sip of my pop then toss the can in the bin nearby.
“It’s the same look your father gives me every day. You’re smitten.” Mom pats my forearm, “She’s good for you, and vice versa.” Her tone conveys her approval, “I have a good feeling about this one.”
My smile turns sheepish, a schoolboy caught sneaking a peek at something he shouldn’t but loving it all the same.
“It’s too soon for that kind of talk.” My heart screams otherwise as I wrap my arm around her and draw her in, a move I have not done willingly since I left for Basic over ten years ago.
“Don’t be so sure,” she tilts her head to catch my eye, “I’ve noticed Lili stealing fanciful glances when you’re not looking.A mother knows. You are the happiest I’ve seen in a while.” Her surprise at my affection doesn’t go unnoticed as she relaxes and wraps an arm around my waist.
You can thank the Military for my emotionless state; they want their soldiers cold, hard, and focused. You are trained for a specific mission; defeat the enemy, protect your country. No time to be sappy. It’s all I knew. The United States Government owns your ass; better do as they say, and things will go smoothly…most of the time.