She’s radiant, my beacon of sunshine amidst the thunderous clouds threatening to break free. The waves in my sea are churning, her voice calming them to sleep. The sound she emits is music to my soul and I never want it to end.
This woman deserves so much more than I can give her, in yet, here she is, still with me, why, I will never know.
Her past has been hidden for so long; she has battled her monster every day, still with a smile as she fights.
Can I ever be as strong as she?
With her by my side, I feel we both can take on the world.
For when she is strong, so am I.
I leaned my body against the outdoor dining post to take in the family and friends enjoying our annual Dyngus day celebrations. Buffalo gives Polish pride a whole new meaning and offers us Pollocks a reason to get together. We live for Dyngus day; you better bet yourdupa(ass) this family does it right. Perogies, kraut, and Krupnik included.
The natural sense of this moment is how life was before going off to Basic.
If I do not speak, I can live in the silent memory just a bit longer.
My gaze wanders the backyard filled with people, searching for the one person who has centered me these past weeks, more than I have felt in a long time.
She has me writing poetry again, laughing more, and taking time out of my schedule to be away from the things that sucked the life out of me, my bar included. Not to mention, it’s a magnificent sight watching her toss bottles with ease. My clumsy ass would smash a ton of inventory and probably knock out a customer.
Liliana Hayes crashed into my life kicking and screaming, ready and raging for a fight. I knew the moment I laid eyes on her she’d be my kind of mystery I’d want to solve.
Instinct drove me in her direction, temptation had me wanting to know more, desire stirred in every cell of my being at just one single glance of her arresting beauty.
Taking in my siren, I find the cascade of her dark blonde hair flows ever-so graciously to the curve of her waist; those luscious hips of hers drive me wild as they shimmy to the beat playing somewhere in the background. The entrancing mystical movements beckon me to join in, wrap myself around her and sway along to the beat. I’d press in close, nuzzle her neck, and whisper tendrils of prophesies yet to be enacted.
What a spectacle we’d make in front of everyone here.
It has temptation written all over it.
I can barely contain the flood of lust flowing through my veins – or is it more? We agreed we should take things slow and now I regret making that decision. This euphoric sensation is here to stay.
All because of my siren.
I’m cast under her spell, willing and able to be hers for the taking, and do anything within my power to please her. Some might call that being pussy whipped. I beg to differ. She doesn’t callallthe shots. While her mistress begs her for complete control, Lili herself holds a secret, a submissive side she has only given to me.
I’m honored.
To stand with Lili and battle her monster is a promise I’ve knowingly generated; I worry if I speak this promise aloud, I will fall back in fear and allow chaos to take hold of the reigns.
Never in a million years did I think it be possible to feel something other than constant anguish or entertain the desire to find purchase in my life now that the military will have me no more.
Lili has me budding with existence again, this shell of a pathetic man is bandaged and rebuilding. She saves me every day from my torment; because of her my demons are weak, frail, and drab, they tremble in their carcel begging for food.
Let them fucking starve.
While I know she may never entirely recover from her traumatic past, not that I expect her to, I at least want her to find some sort of solace, my hope is that it’s with me.
The one thing most clear to me is how I will always be there for her through her rise and falls, through her good dreams and her nightmares, most of all, I’m the one who willloveher unconditionally.
Love.There is no denying I have feelings for her.
Can I call it love quite yet? Is it too soon?
Again, if I say anything, she will not feel the same; she will run. Then what would I do? I’d never be allowed to bask in her artistic light, or gaze upon her immense beauty. The thought frightens me.
A rattling of the bars inside my mind sounds, the demons flinching awake, sensing my unease.