Stunned by Lena’s performance, it takes me a moment to jump in since she always tries to remain neutral. “I’m fine. Really, Lena. I got this. Give me a minute, and then we’ll go.” I look at Caleb and his clenched fists make me uneasy, so I do not approach him.
“Look, I have to go. We have an appointment scheduled for this evening. If you are mad at me, I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave with you angry, but I’m going.” My body is trembling in fear of his reaction. He does not move, just stares at me. I’m grabbing my bag to walk out when he grabs my upper arm and grips it so tight it hurts.
“So that’s it? You’re leaving?” he asks through clenched teeth.
I barely nod my head before whispering, “Yes, and you knew I would be leaving.” I look toward the ground, scared of his reaction.
He drops my arm, bends down, and hastily places a kiss on my lips before walking out without another word.
* * *
We are loungingin the suite Briana’s mom booked for us. We changed into our comfortable clothes, ordered room service, and checked for movies we could rent. We mindlessly flip through channels as we wait for our order.
Lena has not broached the incident with Caleb since we left, so when my phone chimes with an incoming text, she looks at me with a raised eyebrow. The look on her face tells me that she already suspects who is trying to contact me. I quickly look away from her to retrieve my phone, frowning when I see Caleb's name on the screen. I swipe the message and readI'm so sorry,please forgive me. I sigh—part in relief, the other part in frustration.
I quickly type out a message and hit send—We’ll talk later.
* * *
After a day filled with massages,facials, and yoga, Briana suggested an awesome restaurant right on the lake to kick our girls’ trip up notch.
“We’ve all been really good keeping our mouths shut about your love life, Sof, but I think it is time to talk about the elephant in the room.” Briana looks at me skeptically. I look around the table to Paige and Lena, who are giving me similar expressions.
“I don’t know. Y’all know about my crush on Ethan, which I find out is not one-sided, but I have feelings and care for Caleb too. I just don’t know who I care for most…or not most, because they are different feelings, just…who I want to…be with only. I can’t even explain what the hell I want and need.” Frustration sets in as I stumble over my words, not sure how to explain myself. I rub my face roughly with both hands, trying to collect my thoughts and calm down.
“What are you trying to figure out exactly, Sof?” I remove my hands from my face as Bree continues, “What is making this so hard for you to figure out?”
I stir my drink and collect my thoughts before I begin. “I have feelings and care about both Caleb and Ethan. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I feel like I am already hurting Ethan by telling him I need time away to figure things out. I feel guilty for what happened at the beach, and if Caleb were to ever find out, then he would be pissed and hurt too. I feel pulled by both.” I watch my friends’ expressions and am surprised none of them have an opinion about my comment.
“But Ethan was fine with you taking time away. Correct?” Paige says after a minute or so of silence.
“Yes, but that isn’t fair to him,” I answer.
“It is fair to him. He’s a big boy, and if he wasn’t okay with it, he didn’t have to agree. He did so willingly,” Paige continues matter-of-factly. “Tell us about Caleb. You have feelings for him, and I’ll admit I don’t get it. Yes, he’s easy on the eyes, but he hasn’t always left us with a very good impression.”
“He can be so sweet. I guess he is…” I pause, trying to figure out how to explain. “Or y’all’ve…seen his jealousy. He’s not always like that, though. I didn’t have any friends before he asked me out. So he wasn’t used to seeing me with guy friends. Halloween night was the first time he saw me with another guy other than his friends. And y’all have to admit that Preston is no normal looking guy, and I was wrapped in his arms when Caleb walked up.” I watch their expressions as I speak.
“So he isn’t always jealous?” Paige asks a loaded question. He gets jealous often, but it is because he is protective. Or is he possessive? I glance in Lena’s direction, knowing she has been a witness, but her face shows no signs of how she feels about him.
“It isn’t all the time. It happens more often when we’re out drinking, and other guys are around. And it’s because of how much he cares for me. He worries about me and my safety. Like what happened the last time we went clubbing.”
Lena and I share the story of us suspecting the guys at The Falls of drugging her and how protective Caleb was toward Lena. I am relieved I have this story to share with them. During the conversation, Lena brings Emily up.
“So let me get this straight. Caleb is all over Emily, and you say nothing, but he has everything to say about you being with your guy friends. How does that even seem right?” Briana asks, raising her brows so high, her forehead crinkles.
“He’s not all over her. She tries to be all over him. There is a difference.”
“But that’s where he was and who he was with on New Year’s Eve, drunk as fuck,” Paige says. “He can tell you who to hang with, but you can’t tell him the same?”
Paige silences me with that observation. I’ve had that thought, but he always explains everything away by telling me that he wants to take care of me. He is the male and should be protective of his girl. He always worries about the ill intentions of bad guys. I like the feeling of being taken care of, but not to the extent of being made a fool of.
“But he noticed me. Just me. This is the first time any guy pursued me.”
“What are you talking about? Guys have hit on you. You just never showed any interest in any of them. Even Josh has tried, and you shooed him away,” Paige exclaims loudly.
“No, he hasn’t! And if he did, it’s probably because we were the odd ones out.” I shake my head at them. “Everyone before doesn’t count. You two,” I point my index finger and sway it between Briana and Paige before continuing, “get the attention. We’re swarmed with guys because they are all vying for the two of you to pay attention to them. Then whoever doesn’t get y’alls’ attention will come my way. I didn’t want a guy that way. That’s why I always kept things casual. I wanted to be someone’s first choice. And Josh is sweet, and I love him to death, but I think of him as a brother.”
“I’m sure there were plenty that wanted you first. You just never gave them a chance,” Briana adds. “But let me get this straight, you are with Caleb because he chose you?”