“Cancel. You’re sticking to the original plan that you would be back tomorrow,” he commands.
“I can’t cancel. I already paid for the trip.” I stretch the truth. “We want to spend a couple of more days together before we head back to school. I miss my friends.”
“How can you miss your friends when you have been with them nonstop for the past couple of weeks? Don’t you miss me? You haven’t seen me in that long, and it seems like you don’t even give a damn about that.”
“I do miss you, but I went from seeing my friends daily to maybe once a month. I will see you all the time once I get back. It is just a few more days. Please don’t be mad,” I beg. “Besides, I can see you for a few minutes before I leave for Austin. I will call you when I am on my way.”
“Whatever, do whatever the fuck you want. Call me, and if I can, I’ll stop by.”
“Really? That’s the way you’re gonna be? Do you really have to act like this?”
“What? You blame me for wanting to see my girlfriend? Jesus, I am such an ass of a boyfriend. There are so many girls that would love to have a boyfriend pay attention to them and want to see them and spend time with them. But mine? Mine wants to hang with her friends and gets pissy that her boyfriend wants to see her. Damn, I’m such a dick!”
How can he turn something innocent I want to do around on me and make me the bad guy?
“I do want to see you, but we planned a trip. A girls’ trip. What’s wrong with that? Please don’t be mad. I don’t want you to be mad at me.” I can’t believe I’m begging.
“I’m not mad at you, I just want to see you. There’s a difference, you know.”
“I know. That’s why I want to see you when I get home to pack. Please.”
“Fine. Whatever. I’ll see you day after tomorrow. Call me later.” I can hear a change in his voice. It sounds almost mechanical, without feeling.
I lay down, brooding about our conversation and our relationship. It is so hard. I think of Ethan, and I try to find something wrong with him, but I am at a loss. But my mind does not comprehend why Ethan would be pursuing me when he could literally have his pick of any girl he would want. As if he knows I am thinking of him, my phone chimes a text from him—call me if you can
I hit call and wait. "Hi, baby!" I hear the excitement in his voice right away. “I wanted to see how you were doing."
"You don't need to worry about me. I'm sorry for everything." My chest tightens.
"I already told you, you have nothing to be sorry for. I placed you in a difficult position because I was drinking and didn't think before acting. I shouldn't have been so careless with you." The sincerity in his voice intensifies the guilt I feel.
"Ethan, please…you can't shoulder the blame for what happened last night. It’s my responsibility, and I’m sorry. I’m the one who’s in a relationship, and I should have been more responsible. Please don't blame yourself."
"Can’t help it. I’m also to blame.”
“I wish you wouldn’t.”
“When are you headed back? I thought I would leave when you do. I can follow you if you want.”
“Well…uh… I am heading back day after tomorrow, but I’m not staying there. I’ll just be passing through to repack my bag,” I say timidly, nervous about his reaction.
“Repack your bag to go…” He leaves the sentence hanging.
“The girls and I are going to Austin to spend a few days at a spa. I want to drop off my overstuffed suitcase and pack a smaller bag,” I reply, preparing myself for another argument.
"Sounds relaxing. I'm glad you’re getting away with the girls. It’ll be good for you to get away and focus on you." I am surprised by his reaction after Caleb’s earlier outburst. Would Ethan react like Caleb if he was my boyfriend?
"Yeah, I think it’s good idea. To be honest…I don't want to be around either you or Caleb right now." I tense, wondering how he is going to take that.
"I understand. And to be honest, I'm glad it's not just me you are staying away from." Relief fills his voice.
Feelings were revealed last night, but they were fueled by vast amounts of alcohol. Were they exaggerated?
“So…I was wondering…if you wanted to meet up tomorrow afternoon for lunch maybe?” I ask him out, wondering if he will still feel the same in the light of day and sober.
“I would love to, but I thought you said you were staying away from us. Not that I’m complaining, though.”
“I do want to stay away, but after everything last night I thought…being together sober…is important. We said a lot of things when we were drunk…” I do not want to admit I’m hesitant to believe his feelings are real.