* * *
The drive homehas been a nonstop conversation about my love life. Each of my friends gives me their opinion and overanalyzes my behavior around each of the guys. The hardest thing to explain is how pulled I feel by both of them.
I stare out the window trying to tune out their incessant chatter about the guys and the pros and cons list they decided to create. While I appreciate their willingness to help, this is a decision I will have to make solo.
Caleb chose me. He pursued me. Not the me I can be with my friends, but the shy, quiet me. He saw me in a sea of others, and that alone speaks volumes. But my mind drifts back to our first time. I thought it was going to be special, something I would never forget, with passion and love. I won’t forget my first time, but not because it was exceptional. Disappointment and shame sets in.
Ethan. It’s so easy being with him. He provides the safety I was so used to with Preston. But it’s so much more. I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame. The pull is invisible but intense. We always come together, find each other, and sense each other. But he can have anyone, so why me?
Hey!” Brianna throws a M&M at me.
“Huh? What?” I’m so lost in thought I didn’t hear what they are saying.
She smiles knowingly. “Let’s take off to Austin and hit up a spa for a couple of days. We relax, get pampered, and you have an excuse not to see the guys while you continue the internal torture and blame you placed on yourself.”
“Ha. Ha.” I roll my eyes. “But it is the perfect place to avoid guys. Y’all would really hide out with me?”
“Really, Sof? Like we would turn down first-class hiding out. You are asking so much of us,” Paige teases.
“Okay. Okay. So y’all won’t be roughing it, but it’s still thoughtful. When do y’all want to leave?” I say, relieved I don’t have to decide right away.
By the time Paige drops Lena and I off, Briana and her mom have already booked a three-day trip.
* * *
My nerves runwild as the phone rings.
“You finally decided to call,” Caleb almost snarls.
“Hi,” I respond, as I pick the fabric balls off old pajama bottoms. I don’t know what to say to him. He says nothing, so I continue. “What are you doing?”
“You called to ask what I am doing?” he says in a clipped tone.
“No…uh…I just don’t know what to say since…uh…you hung up angry earlier. I don’t know if you’re still angry or if you even want to talk to me.” I stumble over my words.
“Iwantto talk to you. Iwantto see you. Iwantto hold you. But you want to doubt what I did, and that pisses me off. Do you believe that I don’t know what happened last night when I was passed out? That, my dear, is the question,” he sneers.
Do I believe him? I don’t think so, but I can’t admit that to him either. So instead, I lie. “I believe you, but it hurt to hear some girl tell me about my boyfriend.”
“I know it must have seemed suspicious, but I promise you, nothing happened. Jason told me this afternoon that it was a friend of Emily’s. Jason gave her the key to pick up some bottles from our place to take back to Emily’s. That was it. Why she answered my phone is a mystery.”
He sounds so convincing, and the story is plausible, but there are still too many emotions to delve right back into a comfortable relationship with him. There is still too much to consider. The guilt of my own lie plagues me. “It’s okay. I believe you.”
“When are you coming back?” The relief in his voice is noticeable.
“Well, that’s another thing,” I begin timidly. “I’m going to take a spa trip to Austin with the girls.”
“What?” he raises his voice.
“We are going to spend a couple of days at a spa in Austin. It’s only for three days.”
“When are you coming back?”
“I’ll be back day after tomorrow, to pack, pick up Lena, and leave for Austin.”
“You won’t be back for another five days? Do I have that right?”
“Uh, yeah.”