“Well…” Now I really want to know about her weekend.
“It was great. He is…oh my god…I can’t even put it into words.” She pauses before continuing. “I got there early, so we just hung out until dinner. We talked about everything. He is so easy to talk to, and he really listens. He made dinner reservations for us, and it was delicious. Then he asked if I wanted to go to a party, and I said sure. We got there, and I noticed he wasn’t drinking, so I followed his lead. And I am so glad we didn’t.” Her face gets that dreamy look again.
“Did y’all…?”
Her smile and silence is the answer. “I really like him, Sof. I know I can fall deeply and madly in love with him. I feel like I’m already falling fast.”
“I’m happy for you.” And I truly am. Preston is a wonderful guy, and Lena deserves someone like him. But her story has me thinking of my night with Caleb. He wanted to drink, even knowing that it was my first time ever, not just my first with him. I wasn’t drunk, but I did have a buzz.
“So how was your night? What did you do?”
“Not much.” It all seems so wrong now, dirty. I don’t want to share.
“Did you stay home or go out?” she pushes.
“I stayed in, and Caleb came over.”
“And?” She tilts her head, and her brows pull together.
“We…uh—”
“Y’all had sex!” She exclaims, interrupting me. I nod my head. “Then why do you look so…?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug, not wanting to talk about it. At the same time, I need to. “It really wasn’t what I was expecting, I guess.”
“What do you mean?” She frowns.
“It’s just… It hurt…a lot. It was awkward… I think I was just expecting more. My fault, I guess, for expecting life to be like the steamy books or movies.”
“Explain, please.”
I tell her everything: the vodka drinks, how fast it was, the lack of foreplay, my asking him to spend the night—I leave nothing out. It was like a dam broke and a flood of information followed. I even told her about my feelings for Ethan and the confusion I was having with my feelings for both.
“Sophia, I don’t know if I can be much help with what a first time is supposed to be like. Mine was when I was sixteen in the backseat of a car. Neither one of us knew what we were doing. It hurt and was everything you described… But, again, I was sixteen, and it was both our first times. I would have expected more too if I had waited. I will give you my two cents on the drinking and foreplay though. Caleb is old enough and probably has enough experience to know better, and I don’t think he put enough thought and prep into your experience. Please don’t take that the wrong way, though.” She shifts in her seat, shrugging.
“No, I won’t hold anything you say against you. I need someone else’s opinions because I am tired of debating all these feelings in my own head.” I reach for her hand and squeeze it. “Please, go on.”
“I know you have feelings for Ethan. Y’all gravitate to each other. I watch y’all when we’re together. If y’all are not right next to each other, y’all are sneaking looks at each other, and slowly you make your way to each other. The way he looks at you confuses me, though. He looks at you like he is interested in being more than a friend, but never acts on it.”
“You’re saying that you’re as confused with my love life as I am. Thanks!” I roll my eyes at her and let out a frustrated laugh.
“Sorry, babe. You are the only one that can decide who is right for you.” She gives me a reassuring smile. “But if you need to talk about it, I’m your gal.”
* * *
Taking a break from studying,I decide to stalk social media. When I open my page, I am surprised to find a new picture of me posted from last weekend at The Falls with Caleb. It is of Caleb and me dancing and is eerily similar to the picture of Ethan and I. Caleb posted the picture with the caption,me and my babe getting dirty. I’m horrified he would post this picture with a caption like that, and even more embarrassed at the comments. A few high school friends commented about me making may way through hot guys, congratulating me on coming out of my shell, and telling me to “get it.” My humiliation and anger escalate with each comment I read.
I call Caleb to ask him about the picture and why he would post it, but it goes to voicemail. I hang up without leaving a message and text him to call me when he has a chance.
I storm into the living room, yelling, "Look at this! I can't believe Caleb just posted a picture of us like this!"
Lena looks up. "Huh?"
I show her the picture, and her eyes widen before she starts laughing.
"What the hell are you laughing at?" I ask frustrated.
"That’s the equivalent of Caleb pissing on you!" she says through fits of laughter. "He is marking his territory!" She continues laughing.