It feels strangely intimate, almost more so than anything else we’ve done. The room is big, the sounds of the city noisy outside, but I don’t hear them, and it feels small. I feel wrapped in a bubble with her, our bodies curled against each other as I slowly work her towards a climax, comforting her with pleasure, giving her what I know she needs.
Giving her the only thing I can, without going too far.
She gasps my name against my throat, her hips working herself down onto my hand as her pleasure rises higher. So close, without my own pleasure to distract me, I can feel every small twitch and gasp of her body, every tiny reaction as I bring her closer and closer to release. I feel the way her hands clutch at me, her body stiffening, lengthening, arching as she hovers on the brink, her mouth pressed to my neck as she tightens around me, all of it uncoiling as her orgasm crashes over her.
Isabella moans, the sound long and muffled by her lips in the crook of my throat, her leg locking over mine as she clings to me. She grinds against my hand, moaning and whimpering, riding her pleasure to its very end as she gasps, fluttering around my fingers.
She goes lax against me, her face still buried there, her head on my shoulder, and I don’t move my hand. I keep my fingers inside her wet heat as she slowly dissolves, her breathing slow and even again as she falls asleep in my arms in the aftermath of her pleasure, all of her tension wrung out.
Finally, I slide my hand free, but I don’t move. I tell myself it’s because she’s finally resting peacefully, because I don’t want to wake her, because if I do and she asks me to fuck her, I won’t be able to stop myself again. I tell myself all of that as I lie there, my cock like an iron rod as I do my best to ignore it, but I know the truth of why I don’t move.
I don’t want to leave. I want to sleep with Isabella in my arms.
And finally, after what seems like a very long time, I do.
8
ISABELLA
Iwake up to an empty bed. At first, I almost think I dreamed it—Niall’s strong arms picking me up off of the floor, cradling me to his chest, carrying me to the bed. And the rest of it, his kisses and his fingers, urging me to a sweet, intimate release that makes my heart hurt just remembering it, especially in his absence this morning.
Maybe it really was just a dream.I’m still in my wrinkled dress from yesterday, on top of the made bed with a soft throw blanket that feels like cashmere thrown over me, but I could have gotten myself here in the middle of the night, sleepily making my way from the nursery back here.
Niall’s scent is still on the pillows next to me, though. I can smell his cologne and the warm masculine smell of his skin, and I know it wasn’t a dream. He was here with me last night, and he left before the morning. It leaves a confused tangle of emotions in me—happiness that he came back, that he held me through the night, an aching sadness because he made sure to leave before we could wake up together.
Something on the nightstand catches my eye, and I push myself up, still blinking the last sleep out of my eyes as I swing my legs over the bed, peering at what Niall left there.
The first thing I see is a note, in stiff slashing handwriting.Text me when you wake up, and let me know you’re okay. –Niall
I bite my lip, picking it up. My eyes widen instantly when I see a box underneath it with a new iPhone, and next to it a heavy black credit card with my name on it. “Oh my god,” I whisper, picking up the credit card and then the phone, startled. Niall’s words come back to me, all the times he’d said I’d be provided for, but it all feels like too much still. Like I don’t deserve any of this.
I reach for the phone, powering it on. There’s a text from Niall already, asking me if I’m alright, and I quickly type a response.
I’m fine. Just woke up. Were you really here last night?
There’s a moment’s silence and I chew on my lower lip, feeling anxiety knotting in my stomach. Part of me wants it to be a dream, because then I wouldn’t have to take to heart the things he’d said last night.
If we do this now, we’ll never be able to stop. I’ll never be able to let you go.
He’d said it like it was a bad thing, like we should be trying to stop, but all I want is exactly that. I want him to never let me go. I never want what’s between us to end.
Niall’s text appears on the screen, and my heart leaps.
I was. I’m sorry about the things that were said, lass. I’d been drinking. I shouldn’t have said any of it.
And then, before I can think of what to respond, my eyes burning as I fight back tears, another message pops up.
The credit card on the side table is for you. Get clothes, things for the apartment, groceries, anything you need. There’s no limit on it, and I’ll pay it at the end of every month. Anything you want, just charge it to the card. Ana left a few clothes in the closet for you too, some things she picked up to get you by until you have more.
I swallow hard. Being upset right now feels ungrateful, like I don’t appreciate what he’s doing for me. And Ido. I’m overwhelmed by his generosity, by Ana’s, by how much effort is being made to make me feel less out of place. But I’d give it all up just to have him.
Thank you,I type back quickly.I really appreciate all of this. It’s too much, honestly.
It’s not,he answers almost immediately.The driver will text you shortly when he’s there, he’ll take you to the McGregor estate to meet Ana so the two of you can go out today. Have fun.
I stare down at the phone for a long time, but there’s no more messages. I bite my lip, willing myself not to cry, and wishing for Elena. I wonder what she’s been told about what happened to me, if she understands why I’m not coming back, if she knows about Niall. I hate that I kept so much of it from her, when we’d never had secrets between us before, but I didn’t want her to have that burden.
Now, I don’t know when I’ll ever see or speak to her again. It feels like a crushing loss, and I wrap my arms around myself, trying to figure out how to compartmentalize it all. The loss of my family, my strange relationship with Niall, the loneliness that feels as if it’s creeping into my very bones now.