I was struggling with so much, but taking the time to love our baby made me feel better, like I wasn’t the worst mom in the world. I’d also been spending all of my free time with the kids, pouring everything I had into them. I was riddled with guilt, and I couldn’t shake it. Giving everything I had to the baby, to the kids, to the guys, it was all I could think to do.
The guys loved me so much and they showed it constantly. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. It’d always been hard for me to forgive myself, though, and that’s where I was struggling. I was basking in the love I was receiving from my new family, but I couldn’t forgive myself for hurting them. I’d started trying to earn their forgiveness, even though they’d already forgiven me. I just wasn’t sure I deserved it. I knew that it wasn’t healthy, what I was doing, but I felt like if I was the perfect mom and girlfriend, then I’d be worth the forgiveness they’d already give me.
After another minute, I stood up and felt the world shift under my feet. I threw my arms out to brace myself, but I knew it was too late. I stumbled forward and went down on my knees, hard. Trying to get my hands under me, I fumbled even as I tipped sideways and landed on the floor. I cried out when my wrist bent awkwardly and rolled onto my back, cradling it to my chest.
Big, fat tears streaked down the sides of my face and wet my ears as everything caught up to me. My arm throbbed painfully, but mostly I was just tired and angry at myself. I bit my lip to stay silent, not wanting to let anyone else know that I’d fallen. I had to make things easier on them, not more complicated. I would just cry for a bit and then get up and be fine, I figured.
When the door flew open a second later, I knew my plan was out the window. Sawyer charged into the room with Jack and Beck at his heels. Humiliated to be caught rolling around like a dead bug, I tried to sit up, but Sawyer barked at me to stay put.
“Did you hear a crack when you landed?” Sawyer ran his hands over my shoulders and forearms, checking me. “We need to get x-rays to make sure this isn’t broken.”
When he moved his hands over my stomach and legs, something even more embarrassing happened. A mixture of pregnancy hormones and the insane attractiveness of the three of them rushing in to save me like firemen lit my libido, which had been dormant since moving in.
Sawyer’s knuckles brushed my breasts as he tried to get his hand under my arm, and the resulting moan that came out of my mouth was porn star-quality. He paused and looked up at me. “Win?”
Jack blew out a rough breath. “Shit.”
“We’ll get into that after we make sure you’re okay.” Beck nudged Sawyer. “What do we do?”
“Get her to the hospital. It looked like she was passing out before she actually fell.” Sawyer cleared his throat and looked me over. “Have you eaten today, Win?”
I frowned. “You saw me fall?”
“Cameras, remember? What’d you eat today?”
I tried to think back and then remembered. “I meant to eat my smoothie bowl, but the kids wanted to play, and I wanted to get your breakfast ready before I went out with them. I forgot to eat it afterwards because I didn’t want to be in the way in the kitchen when you guys were talking.”
Jack’s angry growl filled the room. “Is she saying what I think she’s saying?”
I’d upset them again. “I’m sorry. I just want to be better. I want to be perfect. If I’m perfect, maybe I’ll forgive myself for hurting everyone. I can’t seem to get it right, though. I keep messing up.”
Beck jerked his thumb at Sawyer. “You tell me if I can pick her up. Jack, you get the truck ready. She’s going to the hospital and then straight to therapy.”
Sawyer eased my arm to my chest and helped me brace it when Beck picked me up. “Careful.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.”
Beck made a warning sound at the back of his throat. “Don’t.”
“I’ve never messed up so bad. I don’t know how to make it better. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m desperate to make it right, but I just keep messing up. I’m so tired. I just need to nap, but what if someone needs something? I have to make it right. I have to prove to myself that you chose right.”
Sawyer pressed his hand to my forehead. “Win, baby? Did you hit your head?”
I let out a laugh mixed with a cry. “No! I’m just exhausted. I’m sorry.”
“Okay, I hear you.” He called out to Olive and Birdie. “Girls, we’re going to take Freddie to the doctor real fast. She hurt her wrist. I’m calling Sunshine to come over. You’re in charge until she gets here. Got it?”
I struggled against Beck’s hold as he carried me out of the house. “They can’t be left alone! Are you nuts?”
Beck eased me into the back of Jack’s truck. “Relax, Kitten. Megan walked in as Stacey left. We called her in to watch the kids tonight so we could go out.”
Jack adjusted his rearview mirror so he could see me. “We thought something more along the lines of a steakhouse or bar, but the emergency room could be fun, too.”
“Y’all were taking me on a date?” I was going to cry again.
Beck saw it coming and moved to sit next to me on the seat. “We’re still taking you on a date.”
“I ruin everything!” Sobbing the rest of the way to the hospital, I didn’t stop until a nurse shoved a cup of pudding at me. As soon as I ate it, I felt much better.