Something nasty gnawed at him. Something that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his past.
Chinmoku.
Did he expect them to find us here? Was his worry over going to war or their involvement in the QMB and my fate?
My questions sank to the depths of my belly and made me nauseous.
That night, I ate alone even though he sat beside me. We exchanged salt and pepper, we commented on how fragrant the chicken laksa was, and once again, we shared awkward pleasantries on the weather.
Ever since the botched origami lesson, he barely made eye contact with me. I knew in his mind it was out of respect…to give me time to get used to the idea that his entire wealthy existence was based on a lie, but his lack of friendship left me stranded and chilly.
I was lonely even as I shared dinner with him.
The questions in my stomach curdled until all I wanted to do was hug him and say I didn’t care if his name was fake and his wealth was stolen. All I cared about was him. The man I knew right here, right now. The man who could have nothing and no one and I would still love because I recognised his soul as one that I valued and respected.
When dinner was over and I’d burned more calories in stress than I’d consumed, I tried to ask why the presence of another boat unsettled him so much. His eyes once again blackened with protection and temper, delivering a harsh chuckle designed to sound light-hearted and carefree but was the heaviest blood-icing laugh I’d ever heard.
For the first time, I didn’t find comfort in his presence; I only found frustration from not being allowed to share his burdens.
I stood and said a quiet goodnight, only for him to escort me wordlessly to my room.
And then, after we parted painfully outside my door, I locked the handle for the second time.
I willingly accepted what Elder told me to do and withdrew a little. I locked the door because he told me to. Because he wanted that barrier between us. Well, he’d successfully erected one by cutting me out of his problems.
With my heart raging, I padded onto my balcony and stared at the starry sky. No signs of another boat. No lights on the horizon or billowing sails.
We’d travelled past other yachts and schooners before, especially when we left Morocco. Therefore, I couldn’t understand why Elder had gone from exchanging friendly horn blows to glowering at them through binoculars.
If he truly believed the Chinmoku would attack at sea, why was he worried? He said so himself that the Phantom had more weaponry than it needed.
That night, I didn’t sleep well. Dreams of pirates and kidnapping and men in black masks kept me company. By the time morning came, I was relieved to open my curtains to a bright sun and empty horizon.
Once again, I had breakfast on my own.
My mind returned to the secret Elder had told me. His biggest secret perhaps. If it wasn’t, I didn’t know how I would endure yet more heart felt revelations. If I was any other person, I might judge him for taking a life of financial security from one man and claiming it for himself. If I hadn’t seen how pure he was beneath his temper, I might’ve pulled away.
But I didn’t.
And then Selix found me and told me the parts Elder hadn’t.
After finishing a simple breakfast of muesli and yoghurt, I strolled the deck looking for something to keep me entertained. Looking over the railing, I spotted Elder as he swam in the ocean below, cutting through the tide like a great white shark.
Resting my elbows on the balustrade, I settled to watch the man I loved pummel his frustration and anger out on unsuspecting waves. Selix found me mulling over rights and wrongs and how I could accept some but not others.
He mimicked my position, watching companionly as Elder did his best to outswim his demons. For a few minutes, I tensed, still mildly uncomfortable where Selix was concerned.
What did he want?
I doubted he wanted to talk. He was too loyal to Elder for that. However, it didn’t mean I had to obey such rules.
“You know, don’t you?” I twisted to face him. “Where the money came from?”
His eyebrow rose as he kept his eyes on Elder. “Do you?”
I looked back to the sea where small splashes from Elder’s arms and feet ruined the otherwise marble appearance of the ocean. “He told me.”
“Did he also tell you that crime made him reassess everything? That he went from being a brilliant thief to reformed overnight?”
“Not in so many words.”
Selix fell quiet.
I didn’t know if I should ask what other skeletons rested in Elder’s closet, but Selix gave me a snippet of information that released my heart from the anchor Elder had attached to it.