His body turned stiff as if he fought the desire to clutch me close and drag me into his lap. His steely gaze remained steadfast on the back of Selix’s head, breathing deeply through his nose. Closing his eyes for a moment, he spoke in the same hushed but heavy tones I’d used. “You were wrong about you physically hurting me.”
I looked at his powerful jaw, three-day-old shadow, and black endless eyes.
He wet his lips with a flash of his tongue. “You emotionally crippled me, Pim. You’ve reached inside and wrapped around everything vital keeping me alive.” He smirked at nothing, not dropping his gaze to see me. “You should never have left because now I know what it feels like to no longer have you, and I have no fucking idea how I’ll ever let you go.”
His pain became a visible thing, a heavy scarlet wave seeping from his chest into mine. I knew what he felt because I felt it, too. I knew the emptiness he feared because the same emptiness resided in me at the very thought of being apart again.
Words danced on my tongue.
Promises I could never keep.
It wasn’t up to me to tell him what to do. If he couldn’t live with me as friends, just like he couldn’t live with me as lovers, then I must be prepared to leave again.
I sucked in a sharp breath and layered my silence with another.
I didn’t utter any oaths.
I didn’t make any vows.
Because I didn’t want to be condemned if I broke them.
Selix saved our awkwardness, turning to face us as the car rolled to a stop. “Ready?”
His voice shattered the moment.
Thank goodness.
Elder rolled his shoulders, granting me a fleeting smile as he sat taller. “Come on, Pim. Let’s go home.”
I didn’t speak as he slid out of the car, giving me his hand to help me climb from cushion to airfield.
I did a double take.
Selix had mentioned they’d had no time to sail, but I hadn’t expected a helicopter in lieu of the behemoth yacht.
Not giving me time to get used to the idea, Elder clutched me close and guided me toward the hulking rotary machine as if afraid I’d reassess my desire to return with him. As if I’d suddenly turn contrary.
Nothing was further from the truth.
I’d always been a serious girl, thanks to my mother’s strict rules and discipline.
Now, I was morbid in my convictions. When I spoke a promise, it was a blood oath. It was better than any contract and deeper than any vow.
And that was why, as Elder helped me climb into the small helicopter and strapped me into the five-point harness, as Selix jumped into the pilot seat and Elder commandeered the co-pilots, I whispered softly what I never dared breathe in the car.
I really shouldn’t. I definitely shouldn’t.
I couldn’t help it.
“As long as you want me, Elder Prest, I’m not going anywhere. I’m yours until you decide otherwise.”
He didn’t hear me as the rotors slowly wound, louder and louder.
He didn’t look back as I wrapped my arms around myself and smiled.
My promise was my life.
And I’d just given it to Elder, wrapped in a bow, gifted in a box, willingly donated with my heart.
Chapter Thirteen
______________________________
Elder
ARRIVING BACK ON the Phantom, I unbuckled and leapt from the helicopter before the blades finished spooling.
The entire flight, I couldn’t stop berating myself for what I’d done to Pim.
How I’d left Pim.
How I’d interrogated Pim.
How she’d been poked and prodded by doctors and interrogated by police about circumstances I wished I could rip from her memory and incinerate—or better yet, prevent from ever happening.
Something about her felt different.
Something not quite right but not exactly wrong, either. Something secretive? Something accepting?
I didn’t know what it was, but as I held out my hand for her to balance herself while jumping from cabin to helipad, she gave me the softest, kindest smile I’d ever seen. A smile that somehow basked me in forgiveness while making me stupidly hope everything could work out, no matter that I had a ticking time bomb inside my skull.
Her fingers tightened in mine as I went to tug away, preventing me from leaving. Having her clutch me did strange but wonderful things to my heart. Her smile turned sweet as chocolate and just as dark.
My cock instantly reacted. I jerked her close only for Selix to clear his throat, raising his eyebrow in my direction.
I stepped back, managing to extract my hand from Pim’s.
She gave me yet another smile—this one slightly self-conscious and apologetic—then dropped her arm.
How could a smile have so many different dialects and conversations? How could I understand the nuisances behind different shaped lips?
The intricacies of human interaction filled my mind before I could calm my overactive thoughts. I wanted to know how evolution had turned a warning signal of baring teeth into what Pim wielded—the perfect beauty of conveying everything she thought but would never say.