“You’ve done such a good job of asserting yourself, of making sure you get answers rather than allowing people to manoeuvre you around.”
So why haven’t you asked him about this? the unspoken question went.
“I’ll ask him,” I assured her.
“What…?” I moved my mouth, the question on the tip of my tongue, ready to be spoken. I just needed to do it. My heart raced, thundering in my ears, almost drowning him out, but of course, it didn’t. I could hear him waiting in the more rapid intake of his breath. “What do you want from me?”
His groan, when it came, was almost like a full body caress, parts of me that I’d thought had died resurrecting so abruptly, my head spun. It was a sound of need and pain and desire, and it cocooned my body in an unholy warmth.
“Baby, you don’t want to ask me that.”
“I’m done keeping quiet, remember?” I replied, my voice way harsher than I would have dared but not as harsh as I wanted it to be. “If I ask, I want to know.”
“OK. I get that. I said before, if it’s mine to give you, I’ll give you it, but… Fuck, Cyn, I’m trying to be good here. I’m fucking rigid every time I hear your voice or smell your scent, and that’s not OK. You don’t need that from me.”
Don’t I? I thought. I wasn’t so sure about that.
“But if you want my five-year plan, it’s this. Nothing’s changed for me. It’s still you, Cyn. I’ve never stopped wanting you…” A pause that seemed to go on forever. “Loving you. We didn’t talk about that before. I could see things moving faster with Rhys, was willing to wait until we’d spent a bit more time together, getting to know each other, seeing if you liked me that way too. Do I want that still? Fuck yes, Cyn. Fuck. Yes. Every day with every fucking breath, but honestly, I’ll take whatever I can get. Some alpha I am, but I’m not gonna huff and puff and blow your house down. I want to help you get through this problem and the next, and if that’s all I ever am to you, just a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on? Well, that’d be my fucking honour.”
For the first time in what felt like an age, tears pricked my eyes, but not from pain. Or at least not an awful one. I was glad he wasn’t here to see it, to watch me calm my breathing, claw back my composure.
“I need to see Rhys,” I said, abruptly changing the topic, unable to pursue that one anymore. I’d reached my limits on that particular thread and had to move on before I broke. He seemed to recognise that, releasing a small laugh, low-down and dirty, like he saw more than he possibly could but was willing to let me take the lead.
“I know. I’ve been scoping out Marcus’ timetable. He doesn’t leave here often unless he has to, but he has to tomorrow. Gotta meet with Len and his boys about some issues with alcohol distribution. I’m supposed to be his backup, but I’ve told him that’s done. I’ve got a place here until I don’t want it, he’s made that clear, but everything else is done. I’m done.”
The sound of him shifting on his bed, making me see him lying there on top of crumpled sheets. Was he shirtless? Dressed in only those ridiculously brief rugby shorts, the silky fabric draping—
“You still there?”
“Yep,” I replied sharply, something that made him chuckle.
“I’m yours, Cyn, until you don’t need me anymore. That’s all I have planned. And when you’re done, I’ll work something out then. I always do.”
I should’ve said something, feeling the need to ease that wistful tone, but I couldn’t, didn’t, so he just sighed and said, “I’ll be there at your doorstep at nine-thirty, and then I’ll show you how to fight like an omega.”
“Clumsily? Weakly?” I said with a snort.
“In a way that brings alphas to their knees.”
This was a bad, bad, bad idea. I was downstairs in my training gear as soon as I heard the roar of Brendan’s car engine. I shut the door behind me, then turned and froze.
Male alphas didn’t often wear shorts, because they were positively pornographic. The shorts didn’t cover a whole lot, his muscular thighs on display, and all I could do was stare as he strode closer. His torso wasn’t much better, an old worn jersey pulled over the top, stretching tight around his biceps and chest.
“You all right, Cyn?” he asked, looking concerned. I belatedly saw the duffel bag full of weapons he was toting.
“Um…sure. We’ll do this in the backyard, yeah? The neighbours are already gonna shit bricks.”
“Sounds good.”
Yep, bad idea. He was walking me through a stretching routine, much like Kai did, but I didn’t get lady wood with my trainer. Both of them corrected my form with small impersonal touches, but I didn’t pull out of stretches with graceful sinuous movements with her, my body like some sort of preening cat, while my prefrontal cortex had a very stern conversation with it, dragging up all the highlights of How These Alphas Broke My Heart. So why, as I straightened up, did my eyes drop down, sliding over his body like my fingers twitched to do, taking in the very apparent reaction he was having to me?
He grimaced, reaching down and rearranging the lump in his pants into what was apparently a more comfortable position.
“Look, love, I’m sorry. It’s not something I can control. Since the moment I first saw you, I’ve been rigid, but I can ignore it if you can.”
I could. I absolutely could. I nodded and then said, “Knives or archery first?”
“Archery you can practise any time once I’ve shown you the basics, so we’ll start with that. I spoke to Madam, and she’s given me the dimensions of the bow and quiver she intended to use. This is the smallest I could find that also looked decorative enough to pass as an adornment.”