The omega in me wanted this, wanted him, that complete and utter focus, the feeling that he would do what it took to make things up to me. A rusty little purr rose in my chest, making him start, then smile slightly, before it died. But I was done being jerked around by my biology.
“My focus is on the ball, on Mum, on fucking Benson Ratcliffe right now. That’s all I can afford to concentrate on. I’m a pawn for him, one that he thinks is too defenceless to stop him from getting what he wants. Right now, I want to survive.”
“Bringing down Benson fucking Ratcliffe? That’s what you need?” Brendan smiled, some of the boy before bleeding through into the dishevelled adult. “That’d be my pleasure, Cyn.”
Then he brought my hand to his lips, pressing them there for just a second, his eyes fluttering closed before they flicked up to meet mine.
“But jump in the car. I’ll take you home. No more wandering around in the fucking forest on your own, not until this is sorted. I know that’ll piss you off, so find someone you trust to take with you.”
I didn’t ask until Brendan had brought me back to my front door in a car that still smelled faintly of the both of us. I didn’t want to, shouldn’t have, but the need, it pulsed inside me like an open wound.
“How is he?” I asked, not specifying who, not needing to. Brendan killed the engine so all I could hear was the sound of the suburb and his breaths.
“He’s… Cyn, I wasn’t going to tell you. You don’t need to know. You’ve got enough to deal with. But that’s…that’s what got us here in the first place.”
He studied my face, when I nodded, when I waited him out, and when he finally answered.
“He just stays in his room or goes down to the basement to get fucked up. Orion tried to get him help, but he won’t take it. He just sits there, in the dark, and waits for…I dunno what. I’m his fucking mate, but I can’t get through to him. No one can. It’s like there’s nothing left. He’s just empty, got nothing inside him. He eats, drinks, breathes, and that’s it. But that’s his problem, not yours.”
So people kept telling me. I stared into his eyes as I wondered why that never seemed to feel true. My problems, my feelings, my mate, mine. There was something terribly selfish throbbing inside me as I said what came next, knowing how much hubbub this would cause.
“I want to see him,” I said and waited for him to respond.
Brendan just nodded, then I got out of the car.
“I’ll be in touch.”
Chapter 29
“I’m teaching you archery,” Brendan said down the phone line.
“What?”
I was lying on my bed, phone to my ear, talking to a hot alpha like I’d always imagined I would when I was a teen, but he wasn’t whispering sweet, dirty, nothings. He was talking about arming me.
“I took a look at what you’re wearing. You’ll look freaking amazing in it, but that quiver… We could add a small compound bow to that and some real arrows, along with the knives on the thigh sheaths you’ll wear.”
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“Yes, alpha,” I said sarcastically, but I caught the brief whistle of his breath in response to that.
“I want you to have as many weapons as possible and the skills to use them. I’ll come by in the morning and start training you.”
“Kai said we could come to her gym. She’ll reinforce what we practise as much as she can, but she teaches self-defence, not attack,” I replied.
“If she’s got you blocking and breaking holds, I’ll feel a lot better about this,” Brendan said, “but we’ll stay close to your place. Shooting arrows won’t do much for the state of Kai’s walls.” He sighed. “Haven’t got much more about Benson. Orion is hardly ever here anymore, and Marcus? He just looks through me, like the past few years were nothing.”
“You need to get out of there,” I said, and not for the first time. We’d had a few conversations like this now, the rush when I saw his name on my phone display shaming me as much as it thrilled me. “You don’t have to stay there.”
“I know. I talked to Mum. She’s offered me my old room back.” He snorted at that. “But I’m looking around. For a new job, a new place, a new everything after this. We’ve just got to get past that fucking ball…” I could hear his fingers scraping down his cheek, still way too stubbly. “When that’s done, when I know you’re safe, that’s when I can make plans. Maybe I can get Rhys to come with me, get back to the way things were.”
Before me, I thought, stung, knowing he didn’t mean it that way.
“Maybe then… Maybe you could…come and visit or something?”
“What do you think Brendan’s intentions are?” my therapist had asked. “He’s an alpha, you’re an omega. He wanted you as his mate before. Do you think that’s changed? Do you want it to?”
“I…” The syllable stretched out as I thought, as I saw her gentle smile, her even gaze that seemed to see everything with calm equanimity. “I don’t know.”