“But no healing spells?” she said and I shook my head. She snatched the wand from me and jammed it in her back pocket. Wouldn’t be the place I’d put such a powerful weapon, but she weren’t askin’ me for such advice, so I weren’t telling her. “What about this?” She held out a large yellow stone.
“That be the eye of a snowcat from the twin realms. Good for a healin' a bad case of frostbite but not much else.”
“This?” I was handed a great red crystal that glittered in the low light.
“Pure ruby, from what I can tell. Worth a lot, 'specially to dragons, but no mystical import to my knowledge.”
“This?” she thrust a stoppered jug in my face. I squinted, peering at the label that looked like it had been written in Cerenese.
“Made for stiffening your stalk, if you ken my meaning.”
“What? Oh, God, no.” She put it down and went to pick up another.
“What are you lookin' for, girlie? A healin' potion or the like?”
“Yes, something to help Gabe. He’s been unconscious for days and we need him healed and ready to help fight our way out of here, now. We have half the arcane objects of the known fictional universes. Is there anything here that will help him, please?”
“And what will you be givin' me in return, girlie?” I asked with a smile.
“You really, really want him to be better. Nothing could be more important to you right now,” Tess said.
I went to the largest pile, tossin' items behind me. It had to be here, somewhere. “Crown of Elfsbane, the Staff of Igrebin, tiger’s eye, potion of longevity . . . where is the damned thing? It must be here,” I said. I could feel it as soon as the words were out of the lass’s mouth, a pull, deep in my chest, calling me. I shifted blades as sharp as razors and cuirasses, maces and spiked whips to one side until there, under all of the kit and caboodle was the simplest of items. ‘Twas a small golden cup, lookin’ a little beaten and worn around the edges, but as my hand closed around its stem, I knew it ‘twas what I was lookin' for.
Tess’s eyes went wide, “Is that the . . .?”
“Grael? Of course it is, you dozy bint. Filled with the blood of the Horned God. This’ll put your man to rights.”
“Do you mean the Holy Grail? And isn’t it the blood of Christ?”
“Don’t know who this Christ is when he’s at home, but this was carved from the horns of Cernunnos hisself. Now, get him up, that’s right.” The girl and her fella propped the limp body of the other bloke, forcing open his mouth to allow me to pour the blood in. ‘Twas a damned waste of a fine figure of a man, whoever did this to him. The relief that I felt as the damage to his body was reversed was somethin’ I’d felt many times before, the bruises disappearing like raindrops on hot soil. There was nothin’ like that bone-deep satisfaction that comes from helpin’ others. I smiled when he gasped, the great tawny man, his eyes blinkin’ open, takin’ some time to register what he see and when they did, they fixed on me.
“Are you OK? Gabe? Can you hear me?” Tess asked.
“Of course, I bloody can. How the fuck did I get here? Where are those . . .?” His voice trailed off as his jaw locked tight. I frowned, wondering if he was addled. I took a step forward, the cup in hand, but he just blinked and looked at me more closely. “Why is Ash dressed as the Wicked Witch of the West? Does she have. . . , are those bird skulls in her hair?”
“It’s OK,” Tess said. “I just need to know you’re OK and I’ll turn her back.”
“Turn her?”
Tess turned to me, “If you go back to being GI Jane, will I still be able to use the Grail to heal people if they need it?”
“Yes, yes, he’s kind with his favours, is our Lord, but–”
“I need you to be back in the form you were in before and remember, you’re my sister,” Tess said, looking hard at me. I felt the swirl again, looking down at my feet to see the gauzy fabric there begin to steam.
“Not yet with the sister part. We need her to have her eye on the prize and right now, Gabe’s a distraction,” Flea said
“OK, just in your previous form,” Tess said.
I blew out a plume of cigar smoke and blew it in her face, “Got it. So the last HVT is operational? You able to hold a gun, mate?”
“What the fuck just happened? What . . .?” Gabe’s arms went limp at his sides, his head swivelling from one side to the next. Obviously, he’d experienced some sort of trauma and miraculously healing from it was screwing with his cognition. I’d seen every kind of struggle to adjust known to man: the disbelief, anger, negotiating and grieving, but I didn’t have time for this. The hostiles had to be on their way and I’d just punched a hole in one of their walls.
“Get it together,” I said with a growl, stepping up until I was toe to toe with the guy. “These furry fucks are coming to rape the girl here and use the rest of you for roast dinner. You want out of here? Get home to your girl? Smell the taste of freedom? Well, then I need you to harden the fuck up and grab a gun or get out of the way of the rest of us. What I need to know right now is, are you an asset or a liability??
??
“You wanna kill these fucks?” Gabe asked, looking me straight in the eye. I nodded. “Well, consider me on board.” He looked over at the weapons arrayed around the room. I watched him pick up an assault rifle and several pistols, shoving boxes of ammo into his pockets and saw he had a good eye. He strapped on a ballistic vest which wasn’t going to do much against the bladed weapons I saw on the bodies on the floor, but sometimes people needed the psychological reassurance. I knew that irrespective of what was going on before, he was an asset. The other man, Flea, was helping the deer-thing they called Natty and the woman gear up. I nodded my head, I needed a babysitter and it looked like he was a neat fit.