“Connect.” The word was out of my mouth before I could even think twice.
“Connect,” she agreed with a nod. “So off you go.”
She shut the door behind her, left me to face the lot of them down, my pack, my men’s faces looking curious, expectant, hungry, and worried in turns.
“Connect, right…” I mumbled to myself. “Apart from fucking, how the hell do I do that?”
“I know,” Shade said, confident at first, then as he looked at the group, some of that surety evaporated. “At least I think I do.”
He turned to look out the window, the rest of us moving to follow his gaze, and out there, in the trees and the statues and the mosaics, was a dais, barely touched by leaves and debris, unlike everything else around
it. Behind it was another Great White Wolf, carved mid stride, standing ready to stroll off through the garden, it appeared.
It was an echo, I realised. It was smaller, much less grand than the one in Oemis, and yet it would serve the same purpose. Shade took my hand, squeezing it, making me realise he saw the same thing. We’d stepped up to that dais, past me, so many past me’s. Each time, we’d taken up position and then they’d moved in, stripping me down, readying me to either accept the goddess in or relinquish her again, into the next worthy person.
That bit, the next worthy person, made me frown. Whatever it was, Branwen or my Tirian, it twisted in my gut at the thought of that, sharp as a knife. Even as it made me gasp, I couldn’t afford to ignore it, something Shade knew when he stared at me. He just nodded slightly.
“That’s how we connect.” My voice was little more than a whisper. “Not just to each other, but to her, to all of it.”
“No,” Ethan said, backing away. “This isn’t smart, none of it.” He dropped his bag to the floor, edging towards the door. “You don’t know what the hell you’re asking.”
“So tell us,” Axel said. “I feel like I’m the only fucking one who hasn’t been visited by wolf ghosts of Christmas past and who has literally no idea what’s going on. Ethan…”
I don’t know how Ethan did it, seeing Axel’s arms spread wide, hear him pleading with that big, warm voice of his, but he turned away from him, from all of us, and headed for the door. Then I saw a glimpse of it.
Another echo, of another man doing the same to me, giving me the same sad-slash-angry look, hightailing it away from the room like he couldn’t bear to be around me any longer, the door slamming shut.
“It’s OK,” Shade said, appearing by my shoulder. “It’s all OK.”
“You keep saying that,” Shaun said. “I dunno about Axel, but right about now, I’d like some answers, not more questions.”
“One hundred and ten percent agreed,” Axel replied.
“You don’t need me to sit you down and tell you the story,” Shade said. “You’ll see it when you connect.”
“And what the fuck does that mean?” Shaun asked, but I pulled free of them all, walking out the same door that Ethan had.
“Work it out between you, because I’m going after him,” I shot back at them, right as I strode out the door.
Chapter 30
I raced down ancient steps, looking into empty room after empty room until I heard her.
Not in the shrine. Outside it, my Tirian said.
I nodded and then wove my way through the corridors and steps until I came to a ground floor room, then slung my leg over the windowsill and dropped outside. Soil gave under my feet, thick and dark, the smell of crushed plants in my nose as I searched the gardens for him.
There, my beast prompted, and sure enough, I saw a figure walking through another archway, this time leading to an outer courtyard. I picked my way through the garden, avoiding stepping on plants, jumping over flower beds, and weaving through carvings until I found the same path. Then I slowed down. I hung by the archway wall, peeking around the corner to see Ethan striding back and forth, hands in his hair, his face a mask of pain.
I slipped out from behind the archway, walking on my beast’s feet, feeling her inside me, her calm, cool, predator stalk bringing me closer and closer until his head jerked up, but it was too late now. I was on him, my hand going around his wrist and latching on, tugging backwards when he went to pull away.
“Let me go!” he shouted, which was almost enough to get him what he wanted.
Now Bec, me, she didn’t grab men when they didn’t want to be and hold on for dear life, but I wasn’t entirely myself right now and neither was he. Every muscle trembled, jumping and fighting against my grip but unable to pull free, until finally, he stopped trying. Ethan just looked at me, obviously hurting, and I knew it was me that was wielding the knife.
“Let me go, Bec. You don’t want this.”
“I don’t have a choice and neither do you. I have literally no idea what’s happening. Do you?”