My nightmares are still tearing me apart, but so is the tug of war in my heart.
Desmier and I haven’t gone as far as we did the day Mira came to the house, but everything else we do is just as potent.
Every night for the last six days has either seen me on my knees with his cock assaulting my mouth, or me on my back with him eating me out like he’s been marooned on a deserted island starved for food.
I’ve experienced things with him I never even thought about or talked about with Lorelai—who I get my sex education from. She doesn’t sleep around but she’s more versed in the opposite sex than me, the virgin pretending not to be.
The pirate man has led me to the proverbial edge and I don’t know what will push me over. Him. Or me.
When it comes to him, I feel like my own worst enemy. Like he’s my kryptonite and I have no choice but to bend to his will.
Ehlga comes in carrying a tray filled with sandwiches and some other pastries I like. A warm smile lifts her ruby red lips and her hair is done up like she’s going out. Last week she went to the opera. She’d extended the invite but I wasn’t in the mood.
“Hello.” Her face lights up as she sets the tray on the table next to me. “I thought you’d want something light before dinner.”
The food is enough for at least four people. “This is what you call light, Ehlga?” A light chuckle I don’t expect falls from my lips. I savor the feeling, as few things make me laugh these days.
“Well, you didn’t eat much yesterday and I don’t consider the bite of toast you had this morning as breakfast.” She sits opposite me and crosses one ankle over the other.
“I see, I guess I wasn’t hungry.” With all my worries it’s a wonder I can get anything down my throat at all. When stressed, some people stop eating altogether, some eat too much. I’m somewhere in the middle of the scale, but closer to those who don’t eat.
“Just eat what you can. I’m going to a poetry reading so I wanted to make sure you ate some of the things you like.”
“I will. Thanks for making them.” I’m grateful she’s so caring but I probably won’t eat a lot because my appetite is nonexistent.
“You are very welcome.”
We’ve grown closer and that’s been nice. Talking to her sometimes eases the tension and she’s taken care of all the wedding arrangements, as if she understands how difficult it is for me to marry another man.
“How’s college been going?” She rests her hands on her lap.
“It’s been good.”
What’s even better is not being here, and I love seeing all my friends. The only downside is everyone—the good, the bad, and the stuck-up bitches—know what happened to me. Whoever wasn’t at the wedding would have been fully informed when the gossip spread like an Australian bushfire.
“I’m glad. How are you doing otherwise?”
The mood of our conversation shifts with the question and I’m stumped for an answer.
“I’m okay,” I answer by default. Of course it’s a lie. But I lie so often now that even the air I breathe, the walls of the house, and the trees surrounding us believe me.
To keep up the façade, I give her one of my sweet smiles—the mask I slip on to make me look like I won’t end up like my mother.
“What time is Desmier coming back?”
“I’m not sure, dear. His schedule is all over the place this week.”
I just hope he’s not back soon. His schedule is all over the place anyway, but he’s busier this week because he’s going on a business trip tomorrow. He’ll be gone for over a week. The break from him will be great, but his return will mean I’m that much closer to becoming his wife. I’m still as terrified as the first day I found out.
“Try not to worry about Desmier too much.” Ehlga taps the back of my hand.
I stare at her, wondering if she’s going to elaborate. She never says anything about him, other than letting me know when he’s here, wants me, or has some asshole order for me to follow.
“Sometimes he can come across as being… intense.” She nods as if she really believes what she’s saying.
I stifle a groan that I knew would sound rude. I want to tell her thatintenseis when your college professor gives you a B- on an assignment you thought you aced, because he wants you to do way better next time.
Desmier Volkova is not intense, and I’m beginning to think I was right about Ehlga not using swear words. If she did, she’d be using something along the lines ofmotherfucker, orfuckingassholeto describe him.