“Easy, there,” he says, putting out his hands to steady me when I stumble.
Lorelai and Ehlga rush to my side, trying to hold me up, but all I’m concerned with is hearing that Desmier will be okay.
“Please, tell me he’s okay. Please.” My voice is shaking as desperation ripples through every word.
The surgeon’s eyes cloud, and sympathy takes over his face. “The surgery went well, but he’s in a coma. The bullet hit just a few inches away from his heart, so his injury was quite extensive. He’s lucky to be alive, but the next forty-eight hours are crucial.”
“Forty-eight hours?” Malik asks.
“Yes. We’ll be monitoring him during that time and running various tests, so it’s best you go home and come back in the morning.”
“What happens after forty-eight hours?” I ask in a low voice.
“We’ll know if he’ll come back. Or not.”
The last bit of energy I was using to hold on slips from me, and my knees turn to water, giving out.
Lorelai and Ehlga hold me up, but I have no strength left and I can’t breathe.
“I’m sorry.” I hear the surgeon say, but his voice is so far away he could be on the other side of the world.
The tears come again and I’m lost. It’s Malik who picks me up and carries me out. After that, I don’t know anything. I hear people talking, but I can’t distinguish between who’s speaking or even what they’re saying.
Grief has hold of me now.
* * *
The next two days are awful, but Desmier is still with us.
I’ve been sitting next to his bedside watching him fight for his life and hoping he’ll come back to me.
I pay attention to every sound on his monitors and watch for signs of anything and everything when the nurses and doctors check his vitals.
I continue praying as the next day passes with the same results.
His words keep ringing through my mind.
We’re not done yet, we’re not done yet, we’re not done yet.
I just hope he knows I’m with him. Wherever he is, that’s where I am, too.
Heart, body, mind, and soul. He always had me long before I knew I’d given myself to him.
Two weeks slip by and Desmier is still the same. I feel like I’m dancing on the edge of insanity.
The doctors have kindly arranged for me to sleep next to him when I can, so I stay all night.
Everyone is hoping he’ll pull through and wake up soon, so everything has been put on hold, including Leif and Evgeni’s funerals.
On Friday night, I fall asleep next to Desmier instead of the cot the nurses set up for me, and I slip into a dream.
It starts with me running through the meadow. I run, and I’m happy. A bird flies over my head, but instead of the fractured dream—or memory—I see my family ahead of me. My real family. The Butyrskayas.
The bird flies to my brother and lands on his outstretched hand.
I run toward my father, and he picks me up, hoisting me in the air. My mother is laughing, and I feel so much love from all of them.
The memory fades, and warm fingers cover mine.