He’s right. He’s fucking right. But the issues Anastasia and I have are deep-rooted and tangled with the problems I’ve always had with Viktor, with him being chosen over me. Except this feels like the time that matters most, because it’s happening now. And it’s not something anyone can help me with.
“I guess we’ll have to see.”
Zakh’s phone starts buzzing on the desk and I’m grateful for the diversion.
He answers it and within seconds I know it’s an important call judging by the deep furrow in his brow. It’s probably the call he was waiting on from Eric.
When he hangs up, he slams a fist on his desk. “That was Eric. He says the emails came from Uther’s computer. He ordered the poison. He was trying to kill our father.”
Chapter36
Anastasia
Istare at the rustic red brick wall before me, tapping the bricks with my fingertips to that song in my head.
Run and catch, the meadow’s calling you home…
I tap one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
On the eighth count I blink, then I’m running through the meadow. A bird flies high in the sky, and the sun is bright and warm on my skin, tempting me to chase it. I run toward the sun but it disappears, and blackness swallows me whole.
It’s so dark, I dare not breathe. I’m too scared that I’ll disappear. But I walk on the unseen path before me, terror ravaging my soul.
Darkness fills my mind like a thick fog of smoke, suffocating me with the
ominous feeling of imminent doom.
Patches of light flicker in the darkness, and I see it—the crest with the wolf and the moon engraved into it.
I try to get closer, but shadow monsters rush out of the darkness, howling and gnashing their teeth like evil souls trapped in the pits of hell.
Faceless faces push out of the darkness and a million screams wrap around me.
Blood pours from the sky. And a knife plunges into my throat, stabbing me again and again and again.
I jump out of my sleep and nearly out of my skin, screaming.
As usual, my hand is at my throat and I’m expecting blood to flow out and cover me. But there’s nothing.
It takes me a moment to realize I’m out of the nightmare and still in bed. It’s daytime, raining heavily outside.
When my breathing calms, I look at the unslept-in space beside me, and then I glance at the clock on the wall.
It’s nearly midday and it doesn’t look like Desmier came home again last night, which means I haven’t seen him now in three days.
It’s Saturday and tonight is Leif’s retirement party. I’m sure Desmier will be attending. Originally we were both supposed to go, but I don’t know if I should.
Not seeing Desmier all this time, without even any instruction from him to Ehlga, has sent his message clearly that he wants nothing to do with me.
He’s distancing himself.
I could go tonight, see him and talk it out, but I don’t know if I could risk being hurt any more than I am.
I don’t know which would be worse—getting there by myself and him not speaking to me or him sending me home like a child.
Or… he could even be there with someone else.Thatwould crush me.
I can’t believe this is me. Months ago, I sat in this same bed hoping I would get through the day without seeing him. Then I couldn’t stop wanting him. Now I need him, and he’s not mine anymore.