He always talks about my mom as if she’s still alive, or like she’s gone somewhere and will be back any minute.
I’m compelled again to ask him about his feelings for her but just like always, I feel like I’m overstepping boundaries. Maybe this is one time, or one moment, where I feel like I should and it might be okay.
“I… used to think you were my father,” I begin, and his gaze shifts to mine.
He finishes adjusting the sash and stares at me.
“In fact, if you are, that would be fine.” I know he’s not. The paternity test gave me all my answers, but deep down, the boy in me hoped that Leif could have forged the test to make it look however he wanted. Just because he could. “It would be more than fine, actually. Of course, it would mean we just pulled off one hell of a stunt on everyone. But I wouldn’t care.”
He pulls in a deep breath, keeping his gaze on me. His eyes look glassy with emotion, which deepens when he rests his hand on my shoulder.
“You are my son,” he says in that pride-filled tone again, and my heart jumps with hope that my make-believe could be true. “I might not be your biological father, but the same blood runs through our veins. I couldn’t ask for more and I feel selfish even saying so.”
“Why? It means a lot to me to hear you say that.”
“I know, but I feel selfish because I’ve always thought you should have been my son.”
I think he’s just given me an opening and I’m going to take it. “You had feelings for my mother, didn’t you?” Finally being able to ask that question feels like weights being lifted from my soul.
“Yes. I did. I do.”
“What happened, Leif? She must have known. Why would she have chosen my father or anyone else over you?”
“It’s just how it happened. I was the best friend. The friend who never told his best friend how he felt about her. Your mother always loved your father and for a time, I thought he loved her too.” Regret fills his eyes and he leans against the cobbled walls. “Your parents first broke up when our parents arranged for your father to marry Mira. They didn’t even know he was seeing your mother. It wasn’t allowed because she was a servant’s daughter. Had it been me, I wouldn’t have cared who she was. I would have fought to be with her. But she didn’t love me like that.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am. Trust me, she didn’t and I thought it was better to be the best friend who was always there for her, than not have her at all.” A moment of sadness passes between us, then his face brightens. “Maybe she will love me like that in another life time. One where you are my son and we have a nice life together. Today, we’d be here together watching our son get married and starting his future with his wife.”
I nod. It sounds like a dream.
“She did love you, Leif. I know she did. It was how she looked at you.”
“Thank you for saying that.” He blinks and takes a quick breath. “I think it’s time now. Are you ready?”
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
He rests his hand on my shoulder again and gives me a stern look. “Don’t be afraid to love your wife, Desmier.”
Love…
A dark soul like me wouldn’t know what to do with such a hallowed thing.
I didn’t come here looking for love, but I think it found me just after obsession did.
“You hear me, son?” Leif hardens his gaze.
“I hear you,father.”
At my words, he touches his forehead to mine and smiles. “Good. Let us go.”
We make our way out to the courtyard and then the garden, where we find Ehlga and the harpist. Jayce and Zane are with Anastasia. Gytha is not here. I didn’t think it was appropriate for her to be.
Ehlga gives me a hug when I approach her, then we take our places beneath the gazebo covered in white roses.
Minutes later Anastasia and Uther appear under the archway with Lorelai, who holds our rings.
The harpist starts playing an old Nordic wedding song, and Anastasia and Uther begin their march.