“Talk to me, Jace. You’re not happy.”
I shrug. “I just need to sober up.”
“Remember that one time we all got sick from drinking that beer?”
“Yeah, Gio was so mad at himself because you were sick. I spent that night holding your hair. He had passed out on us.”
“Where did we go wrong?”
I’m silent. I don’t know how to tell her how I really feel. It’s never been easy for me.
A record I found in this room a few months back comes to mind. It said everything I feel. I get up to see if I can find it.
I remember the jacket. Flipping through Nonno’s collection, I find the one I’m looking for. Ben E. King. “I (Who Have Nothing).”
I place the record on the record player and turn to hold my hand out to Ny. We all learned to dance when we were little, it’s how we were trained to fight.
She takes my hand and I spin her into me and look down into her eyes. She looks back at me, searching. The song tells her just how I feel as I sway us. I have nothing and I’m no one, but I love her so much.
Gio gets to give her everything I wish I could. I dance her around the room as I watch the words sink in. I’m bleeding my heart out in this moment.
Placing my forehead against hers, I let her feel what I feel. I know the moment Gio has entered the room. I back away and nod, turning to leave.
“Jace,” Ny calls after me, but I’m gone. I need some air.
I’m outside, headed for the guesthouse. My goal is to put space between myself and my two best friends. However, I don’t think that’s going to happen.
“Jace, Jace,” Gio bellows as he catches up to me and grabs my shoulder.
I fling him off and turn to face him. We’re both about the same height, six-five, so we’re eye to eye. I glare at him before I turn to walk off again.
“Bro, what the fuck is wrong with you? What was that?”
I turn back to face him. “That was how I feel.”
“Like you’re no one and have nothing?” he asks, his face covered in confusion.
“Come on, Gio. For her eighteenth birthday, you gave her a car. I gave her a fucking teddy bear and my cologne. Do you remember how hard I worked around here to make money for that Sidekick she wanted? Last year, I gave her a digger I made. You gave her a diamond ankle bracelet.
“You’re getting ready to take over the world, I’m nobody in all of that. My father was killed being who I’m trying to be. What future do I have? I have no family, no real money until my trust kicks in and that’s still nothing next to what you two have. I have nothing and now, I don’t have her.”
“Jace,” he chokes out.
“What?”
“I never knew that’s how you felt. Yeah, I know you want a family but all that other shit. You’re not a nobody. I can’t do this without you.
“Our money has always been yours. I thought…she loved those gifts. I thought you were thinking of shit she’d cherish because it came from your heart. I didn’t know you were saving for that Sidekick. I thought you just wanted to help Nonno out and he always gives us money for doing shit. I didn’t think about it. I never thought about the money.”
“Because you don’t have to worry about the money.”
“Bro, you’ve loved her for as long as I have. You had time before we hooked up to go after her, why didn’t you?”
I scoff and narrow my eyes at him. “You know the answer to this. You have spoken for me most of my life. I was always afraid I wouldn’t use the right words.”
“Bullshit. She learned to speak your language. You could have told her.”
“What good would that have done?”
“We wouldn’t be here.”
“Yes, yes, we would. Gio, I’m not trying to take her from you. That’s not what I want.”
“Then what do you want?” he bellows.
“You have no idea how it is to be one of the ones left behind,” I choke out, tears clogging my throat. “To want what’s gone and will never return. To have your life stripped from you. We get that. It’s tied me to her and you in ways I can’t explain.”
“What I want is for you to allow her to decide if she doesn’t want me. Give her that option. You’re about to hurt her and I can fix that, so we don’t both lose her. Let her decide she doesn’t want to be shared.
“If I’m not what she wants, I promise I’ll get over it. But I can’t take this…this pull. I know you see and feel it. It doesn’t make either of us less of a man to love her together.”