Mom purses her lips. “Stop trying to do this without her. You’re not listening to me and your grandfather. You’re only as strong as your soldiers. Yes, Jace will serve you well, but you need more than him. More than someone in your ear. You need the force that will open doors.”
“And you think that’s Ny?”
“I know it is because I know you. You think I don’t see your wheels turning or her loyalty to you? Her soldiers were for you.”
“But I can’t have both. If she’s in my life to stand with me, I can’t have her any other way.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t have what she needs. I can’t give her what she needs. I lost all that a long time ago. Every time I was told I couldn’t show love openly or that I wasn’t enough… I don’t have that soft shit she needs anymore.”
Ma licks her lips, pulls her skirts up and takes the seat across from me. I stare her in the eyes, hoping she has the answers I need, because I’m struggling to make it all make sense. I thought I had it, but when it comes to Ny, I’m so lost.
“Oh, Gio. I’m so sorry. We were trying to prepare you, not break you. Let me ask you something.”
I nod. “Has she ever asked you for those things?”
“No.”
“Before all of this, when you two started, were you any of those things?”
“No, but—”
“But nothing, Gio. Nyla knew who you were then, and she loved you. Give her who you are.”
“And Jace?”
“What about Jace?”
I roll my eyes. “You saw. I know you did. That’s where all this came from. How am I supposed to deal with that? He’s everything I’m not. She’s not asking me for those things because she gets them from him.”
“Is that such a bad thing? The idea of a relationship like yours is to be happy and prosper. Everyone plays a part in that common goal.”
“There’s not a relationship. We’re not doing that shit. It’s me and Ny.”
“But you’d be stronger with Jace. You’re already doing this, Gio.” She tilts her head to the side. “Tell me, why do you send Jace to the States.”
“Ny’s unhappy. I want him to do what I can’t… Fuck.”
She smiles. “You see. Stop thinking about the sexual aspect of the relationship. Emil was our third for two years before Beth or I ever slept with him. He took care of us. He brushed our hair, drove us around, he was my bodyguard when I needed. He was whatever we needed to keep things going in our lives. Seeing us happy made him happy. He was whatever I needed to be successful at building our family’s name.”
“And Dad? How did he fit in? I’ve gotten to know him more and I don’t see him being okay with sharing or sleeping with some other dude.”
She rolls her eyes. “Your father never slept with Emil. Neither of them were bi. Beth and I needed the masculine energy they gave. We fed each other. They lent us their control and strength and we gave them love and attention. Our love for each other allowed us to share. Together we had peace. Do you see?”
“Yeah, I hear you.”
“But you are still going to try to do this without her.”
“No, I hear you.”
“But you will ignore me. Listen, my son. You do what makes you happy. That’s all I want. But take heed to what your grandfather and I are telling you. You can’t do this without Dario and Dante. You shouldn’t do it without Nyla and Jace.
“It’s up to you to play this in the way that allows you to win because it’s the one thing that isn’t optional. You will not lose, and I will not lose you.”
“I was born to win. You don’t have to worry about that.”
I feel those words in my soul. Whatever it takes, I will be the last one standing and all that belongs to me will be beside me.
Nyla
“I’m so glad you agreed to come out with me. I didn’t think you gave me the right number at first.”
I smile and laugh to myself, I almost didn’t. His eyes drop to my cleavage for the millionth time, reminding me why I wasn’t going to come on this date.
The only reason I’m here is because I need to stop sitting around the house. This guy seemed nice enough. He’s no Gio or Jace for sure.
Stop comparing. He’s never going to add up. Ain’t that the truth.
“Thanks for the date. This has been fun.”
“Would you like to get out of here?”
My phone lights up for the millionth time beside my hand. I glance at it and see the same international number. I’m not interested in long-distance calls. Calls that should have come nine months ago.
“Actually, do you mind taking me home?”