“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Ms. Florence.”
“Well then, let me jog your memory now that it’s clear of alcohol,” she chastised. “I’m talking about listening and hearing a good word. You don’t hear nobody, Axel, because you don’t trust nobody. You feel like you’ve been lied to so much, what’s the use? You can’t live this way.”
“I’m not going to sit around and listen to a bunch of bull, if that’s what you mean, Ms. Florence. People make excuses and tell tall tales all the time.”
“Not everyone is out to get you, or pull a fast one. My advice to you went in one ear, and out the other. You told me you would do the heavy liftin’ and work on that. Lies! Now who’s tellin’ tall tales? Look, boy, you better give me what you owe me. You, Legend and Caspian, too! I’m so disappointed in you boys, I could spit!” She waved those feathers faster and faster until he could have sworn he could feel a breeze from that direction.
“This can’t be happening. No, this is a dream… It has to be.”
He was trapped in his own mind. He fixed his gaze on her, trying to see if she was somehow going to vanish in a puff of smoke, or better yet, attempting to will himself awake. No such luck. She looked so alive, and yet, she was almost transparent.
This can’t be real…
“It’s real!” she yelled, reading his subconscious mind again. “You’re dreaming, but it’s definitely real. Make sure you tell your friends about this. I called y’all the brother disciples… my three sons. Not by blood, but by sweat and tears. None of y’all kept your word to me. This recent mess with you is the last straw. If it wasn’t for me and your mama, you’d be dead or in prison. You have no idea how many prayers I sent on your behalf. I know God was sick and tired of hearing me call out your name.”
“You say prayers in Heaven?”
“Yes, and I did it when I was still amongst the living, too. You were hardheaded as a teenager, and still are as a grown man. People said you always did your own thing. You didn’t take any orders from anyone, sometimes to your own detriment. Bucked authority. It was like you were deaf… but I knew deep down that all the back talkin’, fightin’, rebellion and anger was actually a cover for hurt and sadness. You kept many bad habits into adulthood, too.” She smiled and winked at him. “But then, your conscience started eating at you, didn’t it?”
His stomach knotted and panged as if he hadn’t eaten in days. Her words were gnawing at him, opening old wounds, causing emotions he’d squirreled away behind lock and key to come pounding, demanding a way out.
“You remembered what I told you. I can feel it… I saw you praying when your mama got sick some years ago. I think that’s the only time you’ve cried as a grown man. You turned yourself around… and then this happened…”
He tried to speak, to respond to her several times, but couldn’t. This dream was hearty, robust, and textured. Excruciating and layered. He could still smell her perfume, hear her voice so clearly, and see her as if she were truly standing before him. Yet, there were no walls, no floor, no ceiling. It was him and her, as well as something far more powerful than either of them, too. God?
“You’re still struggling. All of this success, the nice house, the flourishing business, the fancy cars, motorcycles, material goods… and look at you? Tall. Smart. Strong. Handsome. Don’t make no difference, now do it? You’re still broken. You went from a poor little boy to being financially secure, but it didn’t heal the pain. Gold and diamonds never do. They just make the ugly mess shine brighter. Soft, pretty music playin’ in a nightmare don’t mean you can relax, and suddenly hear the angels whispering the chorus, now do it? You still toe the line. It’s bothering you because you know you ain’t doin’ right, Axel. In the past, you’ve stolen, attacked, coveted, beaten, and now, you’ve killed.”
You think I wanted to shoot those men? I had no choice!
“Baby, you don’t understand.” She shook her head as if she pitied him. “You can hear me, but you’re not listening. I know you didn’t mean any malice, Axel. And yes, a man has to do what a man’s gotta do! You had to save yourself, but Axel, this is more than you bein’ at the wrong place at the wrong time. This is your past sins coming back to haunt you. Your past will return to haunt you over and over again, until you cut off the snake’s head. To stop a speedin’ train, you don’t grab the caboose. You pull the brakes in the front. You owe not only me, to do good on your promise to finally hear what your heart has been saying to you, but you especially owe yourself. Here you are, thirty-four years old, and still stuck. You have to listen to your pain. HUSH… it’s trying to tell you somethin’, boy. LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN! Hear Me!!!”