He shook his head in disappointment, letting her into his world. No mention of his father, just a grandfather he considered a male role model.
“I get what you’re saying. I just don’t want you to get hurt is all. No one is invincible. Even a superman like you.” She ran her fingertips along his ear, then tucked a few wayward strands of his hair behind it. “I appreciate you standing up for my honor, though.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek as he gave her a faint smile.
“I’ve watched too many people in my life get picked on and messed with, English, all because they didn’t, or couldn’t, set boundaries. I’m not that man. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed in me, and I understand if you think I’m just too much. I gotta be me though. You may as well see the real me now, instead of later. No sense in bein’ phony to try and impress you, or nothing like that. The truth always eventually comes out, anyway.” He kept his eyes on the ice-cream and grabbed another napkin.
She was going to say something back, something without much thought, a witty reply, or perhaps something uplifting, but then, she thought better of it. Instead, she ran her hand along his broad back. She looked at him, but he didn’t look at her. He just kept eating his ice cream—appearing neither angry nor happy. He was likely floating in that gray, fuzzy space in between.
They finished their dessert in silence. It wasn’t long before they were back in the truck, and when he turned on his music, he set it at a low volume. ‘Bad Dream,’ by Cool Heat, serenaded them.
“Can I talk to you about a date no-no?” she asked with a smile.
“A date no-no?” He shot her a glance as he got on the onramp. “What do you mean?”
“I want to tell you something, and in order to explain it well, I need to put it in context. That includes talking about my ex.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I don’t mind that.”
“Okay, so, I had been with my ex for a long time. I thought we were going to get married. I got used to him. It was comfortable, even though I hadn’t been happy in that relationship, way before it ended. Have you ever stayed with someone longer than you should’ve because you were comfortable?”
He cracked the window, taking his time to answer.
“No, not really. I mean, to me, it’s kind of like walking down a long road, right? You keep walking and walking with that person, and y’all are bickering about the map, where to stop at and eat, and everything else in between. I’m not going to keep walking down that road with them just because I’m used to them being there by my side. Sooner or later, that road will run into a cliff. So, just because I’ve been with her so long, am I supposed to just go over the cliff? Drop off the face of the Earth because I kept on traveling with her? Ignore the warning signs, all because it’s comfortable? Hell, no. There were too many chances to part ways or turn around. If I stay because I’m comfortable, it means I never understood what being uncomfortable really was. That’s not comfort. That’s laziness and fear.”
“Well, damn!”
They both burst out laughing.
“I mean, baby, I’m not tryin’ to make you feel bad or anything, but you asked me a question and I can’t relate. Once I realize a relationship isn’t going anywhere, I don’t drag it out. When I’m sure it’s a dead end, I let it be known that I’m done.”
“Got it. You can’t relate. That’s more than evident. I get what you’re saying though. I wish I had been more like you at the time.” She sighed. “Because let me tell you, staying in that bad relationship changed me, and not completely for the better. He wasn’t a great person, but he had some good qualities, and I wasn’t perfect, either. We were more toxic together than apart. It’s like we brought out the worst in one another. So, I brought that up because I learned some important things from that experience.”
“Like what?”
“Like, I know exactly what I want in a relationship now. I know what I’m not going to put up with ever again, too.”
He nodded in understanding.
“You want me to go home with you, I know. I brought this up for that reason, too.”
“I don’t need to talk about this with you, English. Either you want to, or you don’t. Once people start having long discussions about it, it kills the mood anyway. I tried to entice you a little, but you’re not ready, so that’s that.” He shrugged.
“No, no, no, please let me explain. This isn’t some long drawn-out discussion, it’s just me trying to allow you to get to know me more, and understand my perspective. I was holding out for sex not because I’ve been reading a bunch of Steve Harvey books, or think it’ll make the man appreciate me more. That’s bogus, because I already know that nine times out of ten, if a man waits for sex from a woman, he’s getting it from somewhere else in the interim. He’ll lie and say, ‘I been waiting so long for you, baby,’ knowing just two days ago Debbie from down the street was sucking his dick, and a week before that, Patty from work was riding him like a bronco. This is about me… for me.” She placed her hand across her chest.