“No, you just missed the sex. That damn devil dick of his is a demon.” The woman rolled her eyes as she grabbed an empty glass from a rack behind her and filled it with booze. “Dick is a dime a dozen, girl. Trust me, I know. I’ve been dick-stroyed one too many times myself. I’m worried about you, English. It’s usually me that does the backsliding.” She grinned at her, eliciting a smile. “I’m serious though. I don’t want you hurt.”
“You’re right about the sexual pull, but this had nothing to do with sex this time around. In fact, we didn’t have to screw at all. I just wanted the company.” She shrugged. “In the morning, things were awkward.”
“Why? Because he wanted to fuck and you said no?”
“That, and the fact it kind of seems like we both have unresolved business, and we just have to leave it that way. There was no real closure.”
“The closure was when he neglected the relationship for two years, wouldn’t keep a job half the time, and expected you to help pay his back child support on a kid you didn’t even know he had until the final hour! The hell?! I can’t believe the words coming out of your mouth right now. Someone must’ve body snatched you, because the English I know wouldn’t be caught dead with that idiot again. This some low vibrational shit, and you out here lickin’ your wounds over a Pookie.”
“No, I’m not. Like I said, he caught me at a weak moment… I’m human.” She hated how silly she sounded. If she were Melanie at that moment, she’d want to slap her across the room. “I’d had a rough week at work, and he just happened to call that day. I had been doing well ignoring him, too.”
She looked optimistically at the woman. Perhaps she’d earned some redeeming score? Extra credit? A few brownie points for effort. Melanie looked even more perturbed though, so no such luck. “He’d been calling and texting for a while, but I never responded, until then. Anyway…” She sighed, then took a taste of her wine. The warm, rich alcohol tasted so good going down. “I haven’t spoken to him since. That was over two weeks ago. The breakup happened almost eight months ago, but when I saw him… when he came over… Oh God, Mel, those old feelings rushed me. He looked so good… All that chocolatey skin, black shiny waves on his head, trimmed goatee, smelling so damn good…I hated myself for it. You know I did.”
“I’m sure you did, because you know deep down, he has nothing to offer you but STIs and the broken fragments of your heart.” The woman aggressively pushed a cloth back and forth along the counter, cleaning up a small spill. “You’ve given me the same advice when I doubled back and messed with Desmond, who also possessed a demon dick, and knows how to use it. I knew better…knowing it was like opening up Davy Jones’ locker. I wish Desmond’s ass would lay at the bottom of the damn sea, I tell you that much. Never mind. Scratch that. My ex-husband would just try to screw the starfish and mermaids.” She snorted. “Hopefully, a shark would come and gobble him up before he got the chance to fuck Starfish-Keisha tuna and the sardine-ettes. Save everyone the aggravation. Better yet, maybe his devil dick would be mistaken as a worm? You know the rest of that fish fantasy… Bon Appetit, mothafucka. You a eunuch, now. Magical powers finally destroyed.”
English cracked a smile, then burst out laughing at that. After all, her friend was as much funny as she was right.
“Jokes aside, don’t question yourself, English. You did the right thing by calling it off with him. Willis wasn’t any good, and he didn’t deserve you.” Melanie’s bright hazel eyes turned to slits as she scooted closer to her, leaned over the counter, and whispered so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Just like most of the guys here in Louisville. Girl, it doesn’t matter their age, how much money they have, their race, or how good they look. I’ve tried them all. Even the ugly ones with a piece of a job have the audacity to run game on me.
“Talking about they’re high value men, and questioning what we bring to the damn table. They’re high, and that’s about it! Bring to the table? That table is in their mama’s musty ass basement.” English tried to not laugh at her friend’s absurdity, but resistance was futile. “Most of ’em are bums, too. Cheaters. Druggies. Narcissists. Neither one of us is still twenty-one and gullible, Barb the Builder, or Captain Save a Bro. Come correct or don’t come at all. English, Willis didn’t deserve you, and I was the only one bold enough to tell you so. He was charming, sly, and good looking. That’s it. You’re smart, funny, educated, and ya look good, too, with your sexy self!”