“Are you finished talking about your mother being some sort of saint, boy? Because if I wanted to see some bullshit, I would just go to a cow pasture. Why are we even talking about her?”
“You brought her up, trying to discredit her, when I was explaining to you that I was at her house for an early dinner with my girlfriend, but had to leave on account of you. I didn’t bail mama out of jail. I bailed you. It’s you in this truck. Focus on YOURSELF. The million-dollar question remains. WHY DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO?! Why are you always making up stories? Do you think I’m not worthy of knowin’ who my father is?” Daddy slumped even further in his seat. He looked out the window, looking thoroughly unconcerned. “I always wanted to connect with you when I was a kid, but couldn’t. You’d shut me out by making up things. That was your wall. You never turned away—you’d just make up a story, one that always made you look the smartest. The biggest. The baddest.
“I JUST WANTED MY FATHER! I didn’t care if you were White trash or the president of the United States. You were the one who put on airs! I never could get close to you because you weren’t your authentic self. And then you’d use your lies, compare them to me, to put me down. You tried to destroy me with lies. Your own son!”
He felt the wetness on his face, and hated it. There was no turning back. The promise was having its way… the promise was being fulfilled…
“Everything was a tall tale! LIES on top of LIES on top of LIES!” Hot, angry tears blurred his vision. “I promised Ms. Florence I’d tell you what I felt, and listen to you… but I can’t listen to any more lies, Tommy! I just can’t! Lies didn’t break me. It’s the reason you told them that did.”
English took his hand and squeezed it. His bones felt heavy, his body weighed down with the mass of the whole world.
Everyone was really quiet for a long while. Axel hoped it would stay that way. However, his hopes were soon dashed.
“You know what, Axel?”
“What?” He looked in his rearview window and saw his father absorbed in a cloud of smoke, his features barely discernible.
“When you get like this, boy, I wish I would’ve put your ass in foster care and forgotten ’bout you.”
“Fuck you!” The truck swerved to the side of the road and he kicked it in park.
“Axel!” English placed her hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked at her. “Drive him home. We’re almost there.”
“He can crawl the rest of the way for all I care!”
“Axel, baby… don’t stoop low. You be the man that you are, the bigger person. It’s going to be okay…” She spoke in a matter-of-fact sort of way, and it helped him refocus, get back on the road, and drive.
There were only about five more minutes to go. Maybe this wasn’t a good day for a discussion, after all. Maybe dad’s forced sobriety caused him headaches and physical pain, which made him even more malicious and revolting than ever. Mixed emotions wracked Axel after unburdening his soul like that. In one way, it felt good. Like a relief. In another way, it opened up old wounds.
It seemed to take forever, but he was comforted when they finally arrived at the house. Axel pulled into the gravelly makeshift driveway, and could see several lights were on inside the house. Tammy must be home. The back door of the truck slowly opened, and dad slid out like hot bird shit. The old man tossed his cigarette onto the lawn without so much as a word, and smooshed it with his boot. Bag tucked under his arm, he got to the front of the truck, and paused. Axel looked straight ahead, refusing to give him eye contact. The bastard rested against the driver’s side door and peered through the window.
“Okay, English. You take care now.”
She nodded, gave a wave, and he turned and walked to the house. Once Daddy was on the steps, the old man paused, and just stood there. His back turned towards them. Axel started the truck again, getting ready to put it in reverse to ride out of there like his life depended on it.
“Hold on… do you see him?”
“Yeah. He’s standing there on the steps. So what?”
“Don’t drive off.”
“Why not?”
“Axel, you’ve already exploded on him, just like your mother anticipated you would, though I doubt she realized it would come this soon. You may as well finish the job.”
“What job? I’ve said all I need to say.”
“Trust me, that’s not it. I was sitting here on pins on needles! I didn’t want either of you to say another word, but it was important that you did. You finally told him how you felt! You let it all out! Now, you have to listen… you have to give him a chance to talk to you. Not with me, or with Tammy around. Just the two of you.”