Ugh! I have no idea what happened. What went wrong. Okay, so I knowa lotof things went wrong. Some might even say we both have too much baggage to ever make it work, and maybe they’re right. But, Dylanneversaid it was the end. He said he needed time. I gave him time but enough is enough. Even after keeping my last few messages curt, he still hasn’t called me or given me anything to suggest he wants more than a friendship.
I’m hurt, and I’m angry. I trusted him. I opened up my heart to him, after he practically begged me to, and then he walked away.Hewalked away.
I had held out hope for the first few days, especially after his first few caring messages. Obviously stupid and naive when it came to love. I even started thinking about what our future might look like, not marriage and babies, but next year, after graduation, even a few years from now. Like I said, stupid and naive. I knew loving someone gave them the power to hurt you. I’d experienced it. So why would I put myself through that again?
I probably should have called him out, rather than just diminishing my replies, but is it wrong to want him to approach me? I deserve that. And just because I went and fell in love with him doesn’t mean I can’t be strong and cut ties when it’s needed. Even thinking those words sounds strange.I love him.Ugh!It’s because of that I can’t seem to hate him, even if I want to.
If it wasn’t for the news breaking today about Dylan’s football career, I never would have contacted him. I’m done. But, I knew he’d be struggling. I warned myself to leave him be. Reminded myself that I’m the one who would wind up hurt again. But did I listen? Nope. I sent him a text to help him through and then decided that was it. That would be my last communication with him until he got his head out of his ass.I miss you. Pfft. Whatever.I need action.
As soon as it hits eight thirty, I jump up and start getting ready for bed. Eight thirty seems like an acceptable time, and I would rather be snuggled with my blanket in bed than lost in my thoughts elsewhere. I’ve spent a few nights in a daze, and despite it being New Year’s Eve, I can’t bring myself to leave the apartment. I’m a mess.
I’ve just finished brushing my teeth when Cory texts.
Cory: I need you.
She better not mean now. Ugh! I know she does. God, I hope she just needs a ride.
Cory: Nate’s here.
Shit!Nate and Cory broke up just before Christmas. It’s safe to say the two of us have not been fun to be around. In the last week there’s been a lot of movies watched, tears cried—over said movies of course—and a hell of a lot of Ice cream consumed. We’ve both been a little crazy, but at least we’ve had each other.
Cory finally decided to leave the house to socialize tonight, for New Year’s. She was determined to try and move on, but I guess that backfired completely.
I move around the room collecting things that I’ll need, because we both know I’m going to help her no matter what she says or where she is. I pick up a pair of sweats and raise them to my nose.Clean, perfect. Surely, I’m only picking her up…
Summer: Where are you?
Cory: Reilly’s
I mentally facepalm and shake my head. Well shit, of course, Nate’s there. She had to have guessed he would be. They go there every weekend.
I grab my jeans instead of sweats and quickly put them on, even though I’m not too keen on leaving the car. I’m just pulling a clean tank top over my head when she texts again.
Cory: Dylan’s here too. He’s miserable without you.
“Fuck!”I cover my mouth in shock at my curse and sigh, because honestly, it’s not helpful at all to know that. In fact, now that I’ve made my decision to move on I’d prefer to be kept in the dark for all things Dylan.
Me: Cory, we’ve talked about this…
Cory: He can’t stop staring at his phone. Has he messaged you?
My heart picks up a little, but I’m not sure if it’s left over from my anger or because Dylan might be upset. Why couldn’t he have called me?Would I have answered it? I can’t say for sure.
It would be easier to lie to Cory. Pretend I don’t know what she’s talking about, but I don’t.
Me: Yes, he messaged.
Cory: Did you reply?
Me: No
Cory: Why not?
Good question, Cory. Why not?Maybe because he’s an asshole, and I may not be perfect, or even close to it, but I deserve better.
Me: He misses me
I choose to ignore her question.