Oh, God! My chest tightens, and I feel physically ill.Has he been holding on to this since he was twelve?
He stops talking for a moment and just stares at his hands, hands that are balled into fists and pressed into his legs. I know I should say something, but I can’t seem to speak, my thoughts whirling as I watch him.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Dylan
Summerdoesn’tsayanythingat my confession, but I don’t blame her. What can you possibly say to that? I only hope that she’s not quiet because she’s replaying her own abuse in her mind. I didn’t set out to hurt her. That’s the last thing I wanted to do, but I hate that she’s protecting her father. She doesn’t seem like someone who cares more about material things and wealth over right and wrong, and yet…maybe I don’t know her as well as I think. I want to be there for her. I want to save her like I couldn’t save that little girl, like I couldn’t save my dad, but maybe she doesn’t need saving. Or want it.
I take a deep breath and look up from my hands, realizing that for her to understand my feelings, I need to share the biggest weight on my mind. She notices my gaze and locks eyes with me before taking a deep breath herself. Her expression does nothing to hide her emotions. She’s breaking as much as I am. “The worst part is that my father…my dad…he died that day, and it’s my fault.” Summer gasps, but I continue without acknowledging it. “He followed them because of me. He’s dead, Summer. He died because of me, and yet, I still think about the fact that I’ll never know ifshe’sokay.”
I never thought I’d tell anyone that story. I mean, my teammates were there and saw what was going on, but they never made the connection, and we never spoke about it. After my father died, that’s all people remembered from that day. I love my dad, more than anything. I shouldn’t be thinking about that girl. But I do, every day. I think about her because if that man hadn’t hurt her or if I’d just ignored it like everyone else, then my father would still be alive. And I feel so guilty for thinking that, and guilty for sending him after her, and guilty for not being able to help either of them. I’ll never know how badly she was hurt, or if she… I don’t want to think about it anymore, but I can’t get that day out of my mind.
Summer says something, breaking my thoughts, but I don’t hear it. She’s looking up at me from her position on the floor with tears streaming down her face. Her hand rests on my knee, and she gives it a light squeeze. I hadn’t even noticed she’d moved closer.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear—”
“She’s okay,” she repeats while wiping under her eyes. If she’s trying to make me feel better, I appreciate it, but it’s not working.
I shake my head slightly. “Thank you for saying that, but we don’t know—”
“Dylan, she’sokay.” She looks me dead in the eyes, begging me to understand something. “At least, she’s trying to be.”Huh?
I stare back at her in silence, frozen in place, as my mind runs over and over her words.“She’s okay.”I close my eyes for a second, and when I open them, everything’s clear. Instead of seeing the grown woman beside me, I see a little girl with long blonde hair standing on the sidelines, the little girl I couldn’t save.Summer?
“Summer?” I ask aloud this time.
She nods and smiles as another tear slides down her cheek. I catch it with my finger, and the touch burns me. I’m not sure how I feel about what’s just been revealed, so I can’t seem to smile back.
We’re both quiet for a while until I remember the one thing I always wanted to say to that little girl. “I’m sorry.” I leave off my reasons for the apology, because it’s not what one would think. If I were to be completely honest, I’d say,“I’m sorry for not reaching you in time, and I’m sorry for hating you when you did nothing wrong.”
Summer shakes her head and then crawls into my arms, hugging me tightly before resting her forehead on mine. “You saved me, Dylan. He may have hurt me that day, but after that, it all stopped. The drinking, the anger… At least, until… Point is, you saved me.”
I cup her face in my hand and pull her back slightly so I can look into her eyes. “God, Summer. I…”
She laughs, probably thinking I’m just in shock over what she’s revealed, and that’s part of it. But hell, this is a complete mind fuck. The best I can do is pull her into another hug. So I do. I hold her tight. Breathe in her scent. Feel her warmth. My hands are running up and down her back, like I’ve done many times before, only this time I’m thinking about what’s beneath my fingers, beneath the clothes. Thinking about all that she’s been through. I don’t think I’ve ever met a stronger person. My chest fills with something I’ve never felt before, andfuck, I knew I loved her, but this is stronger than that. I really love her. I’minlove with her. I never thought I’d be feeling anxious and uncertain when I finally found someone to love, but I do.
I pull back and brush a hair away from her face. “Summer, you will always be the most beautiful, smart, caring, funny…most amazing person I’ve ever met.” But…I’m the one who needs a moment this time. I press my lips to her head, and we both sigh.
I’m so wrapped up in the fact that Summer and the little girl are one and the same that I momentarily forget what that really means. Her father is not only an abusive asshole, but he’s the reason my father is dead. I need to get out of here. She can’t see me break. She’ll blame herself, and she’s already been through too much.
I lift Summer up and gently place her down beside me before standing and running a hand through my hair. “I just remembered Joel’s downstairs. And he’s got his family Thanksgiving tonight. I’m sorry the timing is bad, but I have to go.” None of that’s a lie. But there’s nothing stopping me from staying. That’s my choice. “Before I go, I need to say…I think you should tell Thomas.”
She nods.
“And forgive Cory for telling me. I kind of forced it out of her.”
“I will. Thank you.”
I raise an eyebrow in question, and she laughs. “I will. I promise.”
“So I’ll…ah…see you soon?” I say, gripping the back of my neck. I’m not really sure where we go from here, but “see you soon” seems like a safe goodbye.
Summer smiles softly from her position on the floor but doesn’t speak. Her parting wave and sad smile play on repeat in my mind as I walk away.
“How is she?” Joel asks as I jump in the car.
I run a hand down my face, shaking my head. “I’m sorry that took so long—”